AITA for refusing to give my younger cousin my college fund because she “needs it more”?
Navigating family finances can be as delicate as walking on a tightrope—especially when it involves cherished funds meant for your future. In this case, a 24-year-old woman recently graduated college, thanks in large part to a college fund her parents set aside for her from a young age.
Working hard and earning a scholarship meant she still had a substantial balance saved for grad school or a future home. However, when her younger cousin, who dropped out after a rocky start in college, needed money to try again, her aunt and uncle asked if she could share her college fund. Feeling that the money was rightfully hers and earned through her own diligence, she refused.
Her decision has sparked family outrage, with her cousin and relatives labeling her selfish. Is she really the a**hole for standing firm on protecting her future, or is it fair for her to prioritize her own dreams over someone else’s second chance?
‘ AITA for refusing to give my younger cousin my college fund because she “needs it more”?’
Letting personal funds that represent years of hard work and future goals be taken away can feel like a violation of one’s autonomy. According to financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz, “Money that is set aside for your future isn’t just spare change—it’s a representation of your discipline, effort, and long-term planning.
Diverting those funds for someone else’s benefit can undermine your ability to invest in your own goals.” Dr. Klontz’s insights underline the importance of safeguarding personal financial milestones. In this situation, the OP’s decision to retain her leftover college fund is rooted in her own achievements and plans for further education or home ownership.
While family pressures can be intense, the funds were intended for her, not to compensate for choices made by someone who struggled academically. Dr. Klontz adds, “When individuals allocate resources for specific future endeavors, they are exercising a personal commitment to their growth. It is not only reasonable but necessary to maintain that boundary, even if others around you feel entitled to share in that financial security.”
Moreover, this scenario touches on broader themes of responsibility and accountability. The cousin’s decision to drop out—despite available support—and the resulting depletion of her own fund highlights personal choices and their consequences.
As Dr. Klontz explains, “Financial support should ideally empower individuals to learn from their experiences and take responsibility for their actions. Reallocating someone else’s carefully managed resources can inadvertently enable a pattern of dependency, rather than encouraging personal accountability.”
It is also worth noting that family dynamics in financial matters are often fraught with emotional undercurrents. While the aunt and uncle argue that the money is “just sitting there,” this perspective overlooks the hard work and planning that created that fund.
Dr. Klontz stresses that, “Empowering your future requires maintaining control over your assets. When you compromise that control, you may inadvertently compromise your ability to achieve your long-term goals.” In essence, the OP’s decision is less about family discord and more about preserving her hard-earned future.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s decision, with a clear consensus that she is NTA. Many commenters applaud her for safeguarding her hard-earned college fund, emphasizing that it represents her discipline and future plans—whether for grad school or buying a house.
They argue that her cousin’s academic struggles and the resulting financial shortfall are her own responsibility, not hers. Several users point out that if her cousin’s parents don’t want her to rely on loans, they should step in and provide support directly. Overall, the community feels that the OP made a reasonable, well-considered decision and should not be guilted into sacrificing her future for someone who squandered their opportunities.
Ultimately, the decision to hold onto your college fund is a reflection of the hard work and planning that got you where you are. While family expectations can be high, it’s essential to remember that your future should remain in your hands. What would you do if faced with a similar dilemma? Is it ever acceptable to sacrifice personal goals for family, or should one always stand firm? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
