AITA for refusing to give my mother my bosses personal number?

In a cozy suburban home, tension simmers like a kettle left too long on the stove. A young adult, freshly settled into a new job, faces an unexpected demand from their mother: hand over the boss’s personal phone number “in case you go missing.” The request, tinged with a mother’s worry but laced with control, feels like a step too far. With the mother’s recent mini-stroke amplifying her overprotectiveness, the situation teeters between heartfelt concern and a boundary crossed. Readers can’t help but wonder: where’s the line between care and intrusion?

This clash of family dynamics and workplace professionalism pulls us into a story of loyalty, independence, and the delicate balance of respecting a parent’s fears while safeguarding one’s own path. The Reddit community weighed in, and the verdict is clear, but the nuances of health-related anxiety and personal boundaries make this a tale worth unpacking.

‘AITA for refusing to give my mother my bosses personal number?’

I am in my late 20s and recently got a new job. I love it, but ever since I accepted it, my mother has started demanding to have my bosses personal number 'in case I go missing' (as I am nearly 30 I thought this was ridiculous and controlling). To clarify, I currently live with my mother for financial reasons.

ADVERTISEMENT

I explained to her that this was unreasonable, as it would be a serious privacy and confidentiality issue. Not to mention what message it may send to my new employers if I were to ask for a personal number for my mother. I told her it was pointless anyway as we all leave the office at the same time, so noone would even know if I had an accident on the way home.

However, my mother thinks I'm the one being unreasonable, and is now refusing to talk to me and getting angry when I try to explain that breaching my bosses privacy can and will get me fired. I do feel extremely bad about saying no, as my mother recently suffered a mini stroke,

and it has caused her to become somewhat overbearing (more than normal) and have some memory issues. She claims she would never actually use the number but I think asking for my bosses number to give to my mother is both ridiculous and invasive.. AITA here?

EDIT: Thanks for the hugs guys and thankyou to everyone who commented concerned for mums health. She has regular appointments set up with the neurology team at our local hospital and our GP has been speaking with her extensively about what's happening.

ADVERTISEMENT

As she has been helping mum transition into early retirement. I wasn't expecting such an overwhelming response, I genuinely felt like an insensitive a**hole because of mums health, but I am glad you all think that I did the right thing here.

EDIT 2: For everyone asking if I could use Google Voice to create a dummy number, Australia does not currently provide this service in an anonymous capacity. My own number would still be linked to it.

This family standoff feels like a tightrope walk over a pool of good intentions and murky boundaries. The Reddit user’s mother, reeling from a mini-stroke, is likely grappling with heightened anxiety, which can manifest as controlling behavior. Her demand for the boss’s number, while absurd to an outsider, stems from a primal need to protect her child—albeit misdirected.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Emotional bids for connection, even when poorly expressed, are attempts to feel secure in relationships” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the mother’s request, though invasive, may be her way of seeking reassurance post-health scare. However, the Reddit user’s refusal is equally valid—sharing a boss’s personal number risks professional fallout and screams unprofessionalism.

This situation highlights a broader issue: post-illness anxiety can strain family dynamics. According to the American Stroke Association, 20-30% of stroke survivors experience increased anxiety or personality changes (American Stroke Association). The mother’s memory issues and overbearing nature could reflect these changes, pushing her to fixate on worst-case scenarios like her child “going missing.”

ADVERTISEMENT

For a solution, the Reddit user could offer alternatives: sharing their own location via a phone app or setting regular check-in times. These gestures validate the mother’s fears without compromising workplace boundaries. Consulting a neurologist or therapist could also help address her post-stroke anxiety, fostering healthier communication.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of sass and sympathy. Here’s a peek at the community’s hot takes—candid, sharp, and occasionally chuckle-worthy.

ADVERTISEMENT

idrow1 − NTA - Do not give her the number. It's going to make you look wildly unprofessional when she calls his personal number when you're 5 minutes late. And that's what she will do. You're a grown adult and 'no' is a proper response to her ridiculous demand. You really need to work on setting boundaries.

messyaurora − NTA. Give her a paper with 911 on it (if you’re in the US) and say that this is the number to call if you go missing.

ADVERTISEMENT

janewilson90 − NTA She's obviously going through some stuff but that doesn't mean you don't get to enforce your 100% reasonable boundary. You're a fully grown adult, she doesn't need your boss' number.

bamf1701 − NTA. There is no reason for your mother to have your boss’s personal number, especially if you yourself don’t have it. Her request is unreasonable and controlling and, as you mentioned, it would potentially be infringing on your boss’s privacy. Something else to consider.

ADVERTISEMENT

You said your mother suffered a stroke and her behavior has changed (including memory issues). Can you really say that she would not use the number at the wrong time? Say you are out doing chores and she forgets and panics and decides to call your boss to find out where you are.. You need to hold firm on this for your boss’s sake as well as for your employment.

Noltonn − NTA, giving this to her would be highly unprofessional and definitely a breach. If she has stroke related issues, you also might not be sure what she constitutes as you 'being missing' and she may just start hammering on that number if you're 5 minutes late somewhere.

ADVERTISEMENT

ThinkerWhoTinkers − NTA. You can give her the office contact number, but not personal phone numbers if your boss. But given why she's asking for your boss' personal number, I would be wary of her having any contact details of your office. Assuming it's a safe office and location where you work at.

EmpressJainaSolo − INFO: Is this a request your mother would have made before the stroke?

ADVERTISEMENT

jac_ogg − NTA. Do not give her the number. It is unprofessional and could negatively impact your career. You have to make it clear that you will not be giving her the number, you are an adult and that sometimes she may not be able to contact you. It is completely normal. Maybe arrange check in times with her if completely necessary or let her know where you will be.

[Reddit User] − NTA, what she is doing is pretty controlling indeed

ADVERTISEMENT

hkf999 − NAH Her request is extremely strange. You're a 30 year old man. You're officially 'a big boy'. You can take care of yourself. Unless you work for a private military contractor in Afghanistan, I don't think there is much risk of you getting lost while at work.

And if you do 'go missing', she knows where you work, right? She could get in touch with your employer, without needing to have the personal number of your boss. I don't really think your mother is rational right now. I don't think any rational person would suddenly become worried about this and demand the personal number of their child's employer.

I think you should look into taking her back to the doctor. Strokes can cause mood swings, depression, anxiety and other mental side-effects. The fact that this behaviour happened right after she had a stroke, can't be a coincidence.

These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture of balancing a parent’s health-driven fears with personal autonomy?

ADVERTISEMENT

This story leaves us pondering the delicate dance of honoring family while carving out independence. The Reddit user’s firm stance protected their job, but the mother’s silence speaks volumes about unspoken fears. How do you balance a parent’s worry with your own boundaries? Have you faced a similar tug-of-war between love and control? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this sticky situation?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *