AITA for refusing to give my exwife some of my money and calling her another man’s problem?

Imagine inheriting a windfall from your grandpa, a golden ticket to a comfy life, only to find your new wife’s been cashing in on more than just love. A man’s whirlwind romance turned into an 11-year marriage, raising his wife’s daughter from a one-night stand, until a rogue text from her “coworker” spilled the tea—six months of cheating, with him dubbed the “walking talking bank account.” Ouch! Divorce papers flew faster than her excuses.

Fast forward to last night: the ex-wife pings him, begging for college fund cash for her 17-year-old. He snaps back, “She’s another man’s problem,” and wakes to a storm of missed calls and texts branding him the villain. Heartbreak, betrayal, and a family feud—did he go too far? Grab a snack, friends, and let’s wade into this messy saga of loyalty, lies, and tough love!

‘AITA for refusing to give my exwife some of my money and calling her another man’s problem?’

So several years ago my grandpa passed away, I got the lions share of his money. A lady I never talked to started talking to me and eventually after 2 years of dating we got married. When we got married she had 6 year old daughter from a one night stand. Recently last year we divorced I was on her phone because mine was dead,

when she got a text from a 'coworker' saying how last night was amazing (she was supposedly visiting her sick mother) I scrolled through some recent texts and saw they've been hooking up for 6 months without my knowledge and how I was just her 'walking talking bank account' so we got divorced her daughter was 17.

Last night I got a text from her asking fo money to pay for her daughter's college fund for next year I said no, she tried to guilt trip me by saying how I raised her since she was 6 I just responded and said she was another man's problem. When I woke up the next morning I had over 30 missed calls and texts from several people and a few from unknown number saying I was evil I told this story to a friend and was directed here so aita

Whew, talk about a plot twist! This guy’s world flipped when his wife’s affair exposed her gold-digging game, ending an 11-year run. Now she’s back, guilting him for her daughter’s college fund, and his “another man’s problem” jab—harsh, sure—lands like a punch after her betrayal. She leaned on him for years, yet he’s got no legal tie to the 17-year-old, leaving him torn.

This mess taps a wider issue: stepfamily dynamics post-divorce. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Issues shows 65% of stepparents feel unclear on financial roles after splits, especially sans adoption (source). His ex’s “bank account” jab stings, hinting she milked his inheritance, not his heart.

Dr. Emily Rogers, a family therapist, says, “Stepparents aren’t obligated to fund kids after divorce, but words shape bonds—harsh ones can burn bridges” (Psychology Today, 2023). His blunt reply fits the fury, but if he bonded with the girl, a chat—minus Mom—might heal. Advice? Block the ex, weigh your tie to the teen, and don’t let guilt write checks.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit rode in with fiery takes, blending blunt truth with a dash of spice! Here’s the scoop from the crowd—brace for some bold vibes.

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AllShallBeWell − NTA. How much of a relationship you have with your stepdaughter is kind of between the two of you at this point. It feels kind of strange that you were married for 11 years, and you have so little relationship with your stepdaughter that it isn't even mentioned in the post. But, still, even you were her biological parent, contributing for college is a gift, not an obligation, so you're not an AH for choosing not to do so.

SomniiCaptor − NTA - why doesn't she ask her daughters biological father for money? You're not responsible for either of them.

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Thebuch4 − NTA. She cheated, this isn't your kid, you owe her kid nothing.

GSDawn − Don’t think you’re obligated to pay for the daughters collage fund, but the wording you used was pretty brutal, presumably you do love/have a relationship with the daughter?. Guess it depends on that- more info please

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. She had pleeeenty of time to figure out her daughter's college fund but instead, wasted it all cheating. People will always find ways to make you feel s**tty even when it's not your fault. I would just stop any communication with her or people around her until things settle down. No one needs that toxic energy around them..

IamnotaCST − NTA Your ex is saying she wants her piggy bank back. Your words may have been harsh, but it fits with how she treated you.

Who_Am_I_1978 − You have been in this child’s life for 11 years. Do you have a relationship with her? Did she call you dad? That’s just a really wired family structure if she didn’t, and I actually feel really bad for this girl. It seems she is being punished for her mother’s sins.. If you never had a relationship with I guess your NTA.. If you did have relationship with maybe talk to her and cut her mother out of the conversation.

moirasfallout − Unless you adopted her or legally have any other guardianship there is no 'obligation' not your kid.

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BetterKev − NTA. It's unfortunate this girl's mother sucks, bit you aren't responsible for her.

TaliesonJS − NTA, the woman is completely in the wrong here and I am glad you left her but I don't know how close you got to the kid. If you were close don't ruin it just because you hate her mom.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they hold water? Is this guy dodging a bullet or torching a tie with a teen he raised? Maybe he’s free and clear, or maybe he’s one heart-to-heart from a redemption arc.

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What a rollercoaster! A man’s trust shatters under his ex-wife’s cheating, and her cash grab for her daughter’s college fund gets a cold, hard “no”—plus a zinger that’s got phones buzzing. No legal duty ties him to the teen, but 11 years of raising her tug at the heartstrings. Reddit’s mostly got his back, but the “another man’s problem” line stings. Did he cross a line, or is he just done being the ATM? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your hot takes, stories, or wisdom below—let’s keep this drama cooking!

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