AITA for refusing to give my boyfriend a copy of the key to my deceased friend’s place?

A woman reels from the loss of her friend of 15 years, Aaron, clutching the key to his apartment as she tends to his belongings each weekend. Grief still fresh, she navigates memories and duty, keeping his space secure—until her boyfriend of six months tosses a curveball, asking for a copy of that key.

Confusion swirls as she questions his need, sparking a heated clash. He pushes back, hurt by her hesitation, while she guards her friend’s legacy amid rising tension. Texts fly, feelings bruise, and a quiet task turns into a storm of trust and turmoil—buckle up for this wild ride!

‘AITA for refusing to give my boyfriend a copy of the key to my deceased friend’s place?’

My f27 friend of fifteen years Aaron m30 passed away few weeks ago. He wasn't married nor had a family. I'm the one responsible for his belongings and his apartment. I keep the key with me to visit the apartment every weekend to check on it.

My boyfriend noticed and asked to have a copy of the key to the apartment. I was utterly confused by his request I asked what for since he and Aaron weren't even that close given that he and I been dating for 6 months. He got offended and accused me of gatekeeping Aaron's memory.

I said I was sorry but Aaron's apartment has valuable stuff that I can not risk missing and besides, what business could he possibly have there?. He got offended and accused me of implying that he's untrustworthy and a 'thief'.

I tried to cut the argument but he kept going on about how I hurt his feelings and showed an incredible amount of distrust towards him. He went home but the texting kept going. He's insisting saying if I trust then I gotta let him have a copy of the key. AITA for not giving it to him or am I being unreasonable paranoid?

Grief hangs heavy as a woman safeguards her late friend’s apartment, only to face her boyfriend’s odd plea for a key. Six months in, his push—despite barely knowing Aaron—stirs doubt, while his claims of hurt and “gatekeeping” fan the flames. Her caution shields valuables; his insistence clouds intent.

Trust is fragile, especially amid loss. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association notes 60% of couples face trust tests in the first year, often tied to boundaries. Here, his lack of ties to Aaron and vague reasoning raise flags, clashing with her protective role.

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Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “Trust is built in very small moments, not grand gestures”. Her refusal holds firm—no key, no risk—prioritizing duty over drama. His pushback hints at control or worse, per Reddit’s suspicions.

Keep that key close lock it away, maybe add a camera for peace of mind. A calm talk might clarify his aim, but instincts matter. Boundaries honor Aaron’s legacy and her sanity; lean on friends for support and tread carefully in this bond.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit rallies behind the woman, waving red flags at her boyfriend’s odd demand. His leap to feeling distrusted and pushy texts strike users as shady, with no clear tie to Aaron justifying access. Theories swirl stealing, snooping, or a power trip. Voices urge key safety, a relationship rethink, and a nod to her gut. Caution rules, shielding her friend’s space from a risky ask.

Open-Possibility-723 − trust your instincts. DO NOT GIVE HIM A COPY OF THE KEY AND DONT LEAVE IT WHERE HE CAN ACCESS IT. this is a major red flag and it's time to reevaluate your relationship. he's gas lighting you about your friend who died to access his things, this is not a good guy.

ghostofumich2005 − He got offended and accused me of gatekeeping Aaron's memory.. And now we get to accuse your boyfriend of gaslighting. You knew this friend for 15 years. Your boyfriend of *six months* has absolutely *no* reason to be in this person's home, with or without you, unless you want him there.

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He asked because he wants to steal things, throw a party, bring chicks there, or simply to test the limits with you. Do not give him a copy of the key and keep the one you have secured. It's not about trust.

I can be trusted not to steal from a bank vault but it doesn't mean I need a key to the thing. I know it may be a hassle but I'd even be setting up a camera there until you're done dealing with it.. NTA and maybe uh don't have this boyfriend anymore.

bibbiddybobbidyboo − NTA. Only explanations are:. 1. He’s going to steal stuff. 2. Aaron has dirt on him. 3. He thinks there was something between you and Aaron and wants to snoop.. 4. You’re exiting the honeymoon phase and he’s showing his true colors as an abuser. 5. He’s looking for a place to carry out illegal activity or other activities he wants to hide from you

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juliadejonge_ − NTA. The fact he wants a key in the first place is weird. It sounds like he wants some control over your grief.. But what makes me especially suspicious of his motives is:. He got offended and accused me of implying that he's untrustworthy and a 'thief'.

You never implied that, did you? So him jumping straight to that conclusion might be telling of what is on his mind. I bet he just told himself here, he is definitely eyeing the valuables in that flat.

kaetertot − What. He's known Aaron around 6 mo. You've known him 15 YEARS. Your bf has no business with a spare key. I'd be pissed if someone I wasn't close with had free reign to my house and my stuff, deceased or not. NTA. Protect your friends stuff. And keep that key safe. If it's such a big deal, never rule out the possibility of him stealing it and make his own copy

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[Reddit User] − NTA. My condolences to you and to his family. Don’t give him a copy, keep them hidden. Be safe

technotantra − NTA. He wants the keys for one or more of these reasons:. 1) He wants to steal stuff 2) He is scoping out the place for his use for parting with friends and/or to hook up with other girls. 3) He thinks you are doing something suspicious, so wants to snoop around. 4) Just a n**ty power trip - everything of your should be his too. Girl I'm not suggesting, I'm telling you. Take care

AbstractUnicorn − NTA. Red flag moment.. Why would he need the key? Why is he trying to guilt trip you into giving him the key?. I hurt his feelings and showed an incredible amount of distrust towards him. His actions suggest you should be wary of trusting him and suggest that under no circumstances should you cave and give him the key.

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RonamusMaximus − INFO - Did he ever explain why he thinks he needs a key? The story you've given makes him out to be very sketchy, but feel like there's more to this story. Why is he insisting so much without an explanation why he needs it?. So far, NTA cause he sounds suspect.

LunarCupcake19 − NTA I think your boyfriend's behavior is incredibly weird

A woman’s quiet task guarding her late friend’s apartment erupts when her boyfriend begs for a key, igniting a trust tug-of-war. She stands firm, he doubles down, and doubt lingers in texts and tempers. Grief meets a boundary battle, ripe for debate. What would you do with a pushy plea like this? Share your takes, stories, or wisdom below—let’s unpack this tense twist together!

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