AITA for refusing to give birth in husband’s home country?

Imagine being four months pregnant, your heart swelling with excitement, only to face a tug-of-war over where your baby will be born. For one American woman, married to a man from Mexico, this isn’t just a logistical debate—it’s a battle for control over her body and birthing experience. Her husband pushes for a delivery in Mexico, citing family ties and costs, but she’s adamant about staying in the US, where her trusted doctor and hospital await. Is she selfish for putting her comfort first, or is this about her right to choose?

This Reddit story dives into a clash of cultures, expectations, and personal autonomy. She’s thrilled about motherhood but rattled by her husband’s insistence on a Mexican birth, despite language barriers and an unfamiliar hospital. With Reddit buzzing with fiery takes, let’s unpack this delicate dance of love, family, and self-advocacy.

‘AITA for refusing to give birth in husband’s home country?’

Husband and I met in US when he was here on a visa. I got my passport, we each travelled to and from each other's countries to visit/meet family, and got married. He's from Mexico, I'm from US. We didn't plan on having children this soon,

but my body started rejecting the birth control I was on and while we were switching that up, I got pregnant. We're both over the moon excited, and I'm a little over 4 months now. All is well, but lately he's been pushing me to go to Mexico for the birth.

My husband's plan is basically that we 'take a trip' when I'm 38 ish weeks and just wait for me to go into labor. His cousin is an OB, so we would go to her hospital to deliver. His family could be present. My family can get passports and travel to Mexico much, much easier than his family can get visas and travel to America.

I pointed out that my family would just have to wait for me to go into labor to buy plane tickets or wait around in Mexico for a few weeks for me to go into labor and he didn't see an issue. When he first brought it up, he said it was because the cost would be so much cheaper,

but so far insurance has covered all of my visits and will likely cover most of the birth. The un-covered portion will probably be the same as paying out of pocket in Mexico. The next time he brought it up, he said it was because our child could be a dual citizen.

I pointed out then that he wouldn't have to be born in Mexico to be a dual citizen if his parent is a citizen. Third time he brought it up, he said it was unfair that his family couldn't be in the US for the birth but that mine could.

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And I do realize that having the baby in Mexico would make it easier for both families to come together for the birth, but- The main problem is that I really, really want to be in control of my labor and delivery. I've already searched around for the hospital that will be most supportive of the birth I have envisioned,  and I really like my OB.

I've discussed what I am and am not comfortable with, medical intervention, etc. I don't want to deliver in a hospital that I've never been to with a doctor who does not speak English. I've taken Spanish courses in an effort to be able to talk to his family more,

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but I'm not fluent enough to be able to understand medical jargon or to feel comfortable trying to tell her and nurses what I do or don't want. My husband is very upset and says that it is his baby too, and he should get a say in how/where he is born. I feel a little differently since it is very much ME who is going through the experience of labor

and delivery until I'm holding our son in my arms. My body that will be stuck, poked, examined, and exposed. I just want to be as comfortable as possible while all of this is happening, but he thinks I am being selfish and inconsiderate of his family.. So, AITA for refusing to have my baby in Mexico?

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EDIT: I talked to husband using a lot of the information here and now he’s totally fine and on board with a US birth. He hadn’t considered the possibility of anything going wrong, only everything going right, and he hadn’t considered the time to get a passport and file everything, etc.

Giving birth is deeply personal, and this woman’s refusal to deliver in Mexico reflects her need for safety and control. Her husband’s shifting reasons—cost, citizenship, family—downplay her valid concerns about language barriers and an unfamiliar doctor. As Dr. Marsden Wagner, a perinatal health expert, once said, “The woman’s sense of control during childbirth significantly impacts her physical and emotional outcomes”. Denying her that control risks stress and complications.

This situation mirrors broader issues of maternal autonomy. A 2021 WHO report notes that respectful maternity care, including clear communication, improves birth outcomes. In Mexico, where obstetric violence is a concern, her hesitation is justified. The couple could explore compromises, like inviting his family to the US post-birth or using legal channels for documentation.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit came in hot, with comments ranging from legal warnings to blunt calls for her to stand her ground. It’s a lively mix of support and practical advice, served with a side of indignation:

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StAlvis - NTA. I'm not fluent enough to be able to understand medical jargon or to feel comfortable trying to tell her and nurses what I do or don't want.. For the love of god, have your baby **where you can communicate with your doctor**.

IHadToDownVoteIt27 - NTA.. I'm a Mexican lawyer.. DON'T SAY YES TO YOUR HUSBAND! IT'S NOT THAT EASY! Mexico does recognize dual citizenship, however the United States has a particular policy regarding that with mexican nationals.

You would have to stay in México waaaay longer than your husband expects, because you'd have to get a passport for the little one, a birth certificate that has to carry an Apostille to be valid, and do a lot of stuff to just get the baby to enter the US.

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Right now, our department of Exterior Relations is backed up as hell and getting an appointment to get the baby a passport could take up to 8 weeks (I live in a border city, I know by experience). You'd have to pay for translation of the official documents and all that jazz.

Also, CBP will not be lenient.. But most important, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. As a mexican woman I can tell you, do not let your husband steamroll you because he will. Do not cave to his wants, because he is going to cause you and himself a lot of headaches and might even try to blame you.

Just don't do it. You don't know how good an ob/gyn the cousin is and our obstetric violence statistics are off the charts.. Best of luck.. Edit: a couple typos.. ETA: a big thank you for the awards, I wasn't expecting this at all, THANK YOU!

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Also, as others have commented, the situation in Mexico, due to the pandemic is AWFUL, doctors in private hospitals (the best care a pregnant woman can get) have had to organize protests to try and get the C-19 vaccine and have been rebuked by the government;

our mortality rate for the pandemic is one of the highest in the world. Another thing, just last week, new cartel violence alerts were published by the US embassy in México, warning people from the US, telling them not to come here.

Just clearing up, I know it's not the most feminist thing to say on my part, but not all men in Mexico are a walking red flag as OP's husband is, some men are just used to get their way no matter what.

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[Reddit User] - What the f**k? It’s a labor and delivery not a wedding! You do not need to plan a Destination Childbirth so his family can be there. He is being absolutely ridiculous and dismissive of your health needs. NTA.

pomme_dor - When he's pregnant and it's his body on the line, he can do what he likes.. NTA

[Reddit User] - NTA. No you want to have the kid in the U.S., so instant citizenship. What is he even thinking? If you don't you can't just have the kid in Mexico and bring him back and he's instantly a U.S. citizen just because you are.

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You'd have to report their birth at the nearest U.S. embassy or consulate IN MEXICO as soon as possible so that a Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA) can be issued as an official record of the child’s claim to U.S. citizenship or nationality. So you'd have to jump through some hoops to get him designated a U.S. citizen.

Dszquphsbnt - NTA. Re: your husband saying, ' he should get a say in how/where he is born.' Getting a say means he can float his preference for your approval or veto. As the person doing the physical delivering, you get the final say in where it happens. Period, the end.

MNsnark - NTA hell no. If you’d like to see what it’s like to give birth in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language, check out 90 day fiancé. Horrifying. I can’t imagine my being in pain, scared and having to try and communicate with hospital staff in an uncomfortable language without access to friends and family.

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They can see the baby via zoom until you can travel. I am assuming your marriage is solid and this isn’t a way to keep you in Mexico? I would guess you have zero rights to fly home with baby without his permission?

generic_bitch - #Do not go to Mexico to give birth.

cara180455 - NTA. Childbirth is a painful and sometimes deadly medical procedure. Quite frankly, you are the only one of the two of you in danger of serious injury or even death if something goes wrong.

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You being able communicate properly with your doctor and nurses is exponentially more important than it being convenient for his family to visit.. He’s putting his family’s convenience over your health and life. You shouldn’t do the same.

valerian_spiel - NTA. He had the nerve to call YOU selfish for not hauling your 38 weeks pregnant ass down to his hometown, to be attended by a doctor you've never met and who doesn't speak English.

But somehow YOU are the selfish one? I'm getting a big whiff of machismo off his attitude and I must say, it's very unappealing.. For your wellbeing as well as your baby's, stay home where you are comfortable. That comes first.

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These takes are spicy, but do they capture the full weight of cross-cultural parenting? Can love bridge this divide, or is her husband’s push a red flag?

This isn’t just about a birthplace—it’s about a woman’s right to feel safe and heard during one of life’s most vulnerable moments. Her husband’s heart may be with his family, but her body is on the line. With their compromise in sight, the question remains: how do you honor both love and autonomy? Have you faced a partner’s push that clashed with your needs? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this delicate dance?

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