AITA for refusing to fund a friend’s lavish birthday party?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture this: a cozy evening with friends, laughter filling a modest home, when a hidden truth tumbles out like a spilled glass of wine. A 26-year-old woman, quietly sitting on a fortune from her grandparents and late mother, finds her privacy shattered. Her bank statement, carelessly uncovered by snooping pals, ignites a firestorm of expectation. Why didn’t she share her wealth? Suddenly, she’s the villain in a drama she never auditioned for—accused of hoarding riches while friends eye her savings for a lavish birthday bash.

Tensions simmer as hurt feelings bubble up like a pot left too long on the stove. Our protagonist, raised to value money’s quiet power, faces a crossroads: cave to demands or guard her future? Readers, you’ll feel her frustration, the sting of betrayal, and the weight of a choice that could redefine friendships. Is she wrong to protect what’s hers? Let’s dive into this juicy tale of loyalty, entitlement, and the cost of true connection.

‘AITA for refusing to fund a friend’s lavish birthday party?’

I (26F) come from a well off family. My grandma (76) before she retired had a high paying job in the fashion industry. She wasn’t a designer or anything or well known on a world scale but she was known within the fashion circles. My grandpa (77) before he retired worked behind the scenes in the art industry so the two of their incomes combined was in the millions.

They could provide for my mom and my aunt with no worries but they didn’t grow up spoiled. My grandparents taught my mom and aunt the value of money and whilst the family was effectively rich, they didn’t buy anything designer or any extravagant purchases.

The most my mom and aunt spent on anything was buying houses outright and setting up inheritances for me and my cousins. When I was old enough, I received quite a lot of money as an inheritance from my grandparents, a few million to say the least.

I put all that money into a savings fund for my future and the most I spent was buying a new car when I was 19 which is the car I’m still driving 7 years later. Then, my mom died suddenly when I was 21 and I’m an only child, so I inherited even more money, our house and so on. I do not buy fancy stuff or expensive stuff.

I quite happily shop at stores where the general public go as I don’t need extravagant designer labels to be happy. I also don’t really talk about my finances as it’s nobody’s business. About two months ago, I had a few friends over and by sheer “accident” (I use that lightly), two of them found one of my bank statements.

It was upstairs in my bedroom so I no for a fact they were snooping. I was pissed at them and I had to reveal my finances when they saw how much money I had. They were annoyed I didn’t tell them and I said it’s none of their business. Now, I have a problem. It’s one of their birthdays soon and they want a HUGE party.

ADVERTISEMENT

I said that was cool and then they dropped a bombshell saying I should pay for it as I’m loaded. I was greatly offended and said why would I pay for someone’s party. It’s caused a massive rift with people accusing me of being selfish and hoarding all this money which I’m probably never going to touch. I told them that that’s MY money and I’m saving it for my future and any future family I may have and I’ve been labelled an AH.

Update: someone mentioned maybe my friends suspected that’s why they were snooping. Maybe they had questions after I got a lot after my mom died. I never disclosed anything to them as it was private but it was hard to hide I had a whole house I owned suddenly. I also am able to work a lot less hours than them so maybe they’ve always wondered how ibe managed to survive on a “low income”.

ADVERTISEMENT

Update 2: I should add my grandparents are still alive. The inheritance I got from them was money they’d saved for me for when I was of age.

Update 3: to those saying I’m an AH for my views on marriage. I would NEVER get a joint bank account. I think it’s only fair you both hold onto your money, don’t share and the only time technical sharing should come up is if you’re both paying half of whatever.

ADVERTISEMENT

Also I don’t ever wanna get married to those who decides to berate me for my view on marriage and getting offended why I didn’t have a reason for not wanting to get married. I also don’t understand why people are getting so annoyed that I wouldn’t share my money with an SO.

The simple reasoning for that is I do not want an SO or a life partnership. I’m content remaining single. I also would like a future family one day not that I need to mention that and will probably go the adoption or donor dad route.

Update 4: I also checked my bank accounts and changed my security up as a precaution so nothing was taken. As for the paper statements, I am one of the few people who does like to have paper copies of my accounts. And yes, I do plan on cutting these friends out. I just wanted some honest to god insight into this situation as it’s incredibly frustrating and on another level, I’m losing most of my friends I’ve known for years so it’s really upsetting me.

Update 5: it was also brought up why I never disclosed I was this well off to my close friends. Yes I could have told them and never mentioned exact figures but that info is deeply private. They never mentioned their situations and I never thought to ask as finances are nobody’s business but your own. I have no obligation to tell anyone how much money I have or how well off I am.

ADVERTISEMENT

Money and friendships can mix like oil and water—tricky and often messy. When friends demand a financial handout, it’s a red flag waving in the wind. Our Reddit user, a savvy 26-year-old, faces a classic clash: entitlement versus personal boundaries. Her pals, dazzled by her millions, expect a payout, ignoring her prudent plan to secure her future. Their snooping? A breach of trust, plain and simple, hinting at motives less than pure.

This saga taps into a bigger issue: the social pressure to share wealth. Studies show 60% of Americans feel awkward discussing finances with friends (Pew Research, 2023, link), yet some still expect a slice of others’ pie. Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes, “Wealth can strain relationships when boundaries aren’t clear. People project their desires onto others’ money, assuming it’s free for the taking”. Here, the OP’s friends crossed a line, literally and figuratively.

Dr. Klontz’s wisdom rings true: the OP’s stance—saving for herself and future family—mirrors sound financial planning. Her refusal isn’t selfishness; it’s self-preservation. Snooping suggests envy, not friendship, and demanding party funds screams entitlement. Advice? Set firm boundaries—politely decline, explain it’s your nest egg, and watch who sticks around. Consider a financial advisor for peace of mind (check NerdWallet). True friends cheer your caution, not curse it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Protect your assets, too—freeze credit, shred statements, and rethink paper copies in a digital age. If friends push, pivot: offer time or a small gift, not cash. This isn’t about stinginess; it’s about stewardship. Your money, your rules—don’t let guilt trip you into a party-sized mistake.

See what others had to share with OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous, with a side of spice! Friends snooping for bank statements? Yikes, sounds like a plot twist from a budget heist flick. Below, the crowd weighs in, calling out gold-diggers and cheering our hero’s backbone.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I’m sorry OP but you’re friends suck. They should have been dropped the second they went snooping in your room and them expecting you to finance their lifestyles is insane.

ADVERTISEMENT

nerdandknit − NTA - wooooo DUMP YOUR GOLD-DIGGING FRIENDS PLEASE. I cannot believe they snooped, then had the audacity to demand you pay for their parties!. They are fully using you.

[Reddit User] − NTA F**k them. If all of a sudden your money is important to them then they don’t sound like a good friend group. You have no obligation and I’m glad you stood your ground. It’s very childish for them to think that just because of your life situation that you owe anything to anyone. Find some new friends that will love you for who you are and not your money.

sr1701 − The fact that they were snooping in your bedroom tells me you need new friends.. Ntah

ADVERTISEMENT

Oneiroi17 − NTA. They obviously already suspected if they went snooping for bank statements. At least now you know who your real friends are.

ASBF2015 − NTA. Stick to your guns. Giving money to friends is a terrible idea and a slippery slope. You are being extremely smart with your finances. You don’t know what will pop up throughout your life and it’s nice to be able to pass it on to future generations.

Your friends suck for snooping through your personal info. You don’t owe them a dime. You give it to one friend, another will want the same, and so on.. Also, make sure you get a prenup, no matter how much love you have for your SO.

ADVERTISEMENT

Rtrnr − NTA it does not matter how someone tries to spin this, you are not the a**hole!!!! The “friends” that were snooping and any “friend” that thinks you should pay should not be a friend. One question. Do you want to be broke? Supporting stupid whims of other people is a great way to end up broke!

QueenofKeelas − NTA - You need to get rid of those 'friends'.

faeriehasamigraine − NTA 1. You should expect private documents stored in a non-public room (not your living room, dining room, kitchen communal bathroom etc). 2. Your inheritance is money for you for your future.

ADVERTISEMENT

I am chronically ill at 38 and no longer able to work to have your kind of savings in case something like this happens in your or your future relations lives you know you will not be in the situation of being declared bankrupt because you will probably never work again.

3. They want a damn party they can fund it themselves and if you happen to go and be kind that is your choice but it has to be your choice. 4. How you choose to live your life and spend your money or work the hours you choose have no relevance to them and them snooping on you and your private affairs makes them people to remove from your circle and ignore as they are freeloaders not friends.

Smiley-Canadian − NTA. 1. Drop your friend who went snooping. It’s a huge i**asion of privacy to go into your room, rummage through your things, and then to tell others your personal information. There’s no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

ADVERTISEMENT

2. Freeze your credit. Could they have taken photos of your personal information? They sound entitled and may try to steal your money. Freeze your credit before that can happen. 3. Anyone who expects you to fund their party and agrees with that person, is not your friend. Sadly, their true colours are showing and they’re selfish and very entitled.

Better to find out now than later. Just because you have more money, it doesn’t mean you should be expected to pay for anything for them. If you pay for this party, they’ll expect you to do the same for all of them. Key word is “expect”. Spend your money on things and people you love and respect you.

4. Good on you for being cautious with your money and putting it into savings. Your grandparents and Mom must have been so proud of you. So sorry about your Mom passing.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe your pals aren’t after your wallet—just a wild party and a sprinkle of envy.

What a ride! Our Reddit user stared down snooping friends, a lavish party plea, and a tidal wave of judgment, choosing her future over fleeting fun. Loyalty crumbled, but her resolve shone bright—proving money can’t buy true pals. She’s dodging gold-diggers, securing accounts, and maybe rethinking her crew. A smart move for a brighter tomorrow! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or wild tales below—would you fund the bash or bolt the door? Let’s chat!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *