AITA for refusing to feed my SILs after she gave her food to her dogs?

Under the sunny glow of a backyard BBQ, the sizzle of steaks and laughter of family promised a perfect day—until a sister-in-law’s entitled antics turned the feast into a fiasco. Hosting a lively crowd, the woman behind the grill faced an unexpected demand: her sister-in-law insisted her two high-energy dogs deserved plates of the costly spread. When denied, the SIL fed her own meal to her pets and sulked, sparking a tense standoff that left the family buzzing.

This Reddit tale serves up a juicy slice of family drama, where boundaries clashed with entitlement over burgers and hot dogs. The host’s refusal to offer her SIL another plate after she prioritized her pets has divided opinions. Was she right to hold her ground, or did she grill her SIL too harshly? Let’s dig into this meaty dispute.

‘AITA for refusing to feed my SILs after she gave her food to her dogs?’

My husband and I threw a BBQ on Saturday for the whole family (MIL, FIL, SILx2, BILx4, all their kids, my parents and a few cousins). It was a large gathering. Both SIL and BIL brought their dogs (x3). I didn't really want the dogs here but at the same time, I kind of just sucked it up because we were going to be outdoors anyways.

Anyways, SILs dogs are extremely high energy and food driven. Ones a giant Rottie and the other is some sort of Russian Chihuahua (I think that's what she said)- so small lap dog. BILs dog is fine. He is old and just kind of lays around looking for pettings (black lab).

So we start dishing out plates or whatever and my SIL is just waiting and staring at us but not saying anything. When we get everyone's food she goes 'Uhm, where's their food?' And points down at her two dogs, who are standing by the grill begging. I told her that I'm not feeding her dogs food that cost me over $300.

I purchased this food on my dime and I'm not going to see it go to a dog, when other people could want more food. She said something to the affect of 'well what the hell are they supposed to eat then? They eat with us for every meal and now they are just going to be sitting here thinking they did something wrong because you won't feed them.'

So I responded with 'with all due respect, that is not my problem. You should have figured something out instead of expecting us to feed your dogs steaks and burgers.' Anyways, she ended up putting her food on the ground for her dogs and sat with her arms crossed the whole time,

glaring at everyone around her while they were eating; saying 'That sure looks yummy. Good thing the rest of the family gets to eat.' My husband kept coming up and saying 'just give her a plate hun, she's causing drama' and I refused. She gave her plate to her dogs, who shouldn't have been fed the food I purchased anyhow because I clearly said no already,

and I'm not going to give in to the entitlement when she didn't do anything to contribute. If I allowed her to walk all over us this time than it would happen over and over in the future. MIL and FIL are on my side, as apparently she pulls the same s**t at their house. But everyone else thinks I'm an AH for not feeding her after she gave her plate to her dogs.

Family gatherings can sizzle with tension when expectations don’t align, and this BBQ clash highlights the pitfalls of entitlement. The host’s refusal to feed her SIL’s dogs or replace her plate was a stand for fairness, but the SIL’s sulky response escalated the drama. Her assumption that others should cater to her pets reflects a boundary issue.

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Dr. Pauline Boss, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Clear boundaries prevent resentment in family interactions”. A 2023 survey from the American Psychological Association shows 30% of family conflicts at gatherings stem from unaddressed expectations, like pet care. The SIL’s decision to feed her dogs human food, against the host’s wishes, dismissed the effort behind the event.

The host could have offered a small compromise, like suggesting dog food, but the SIL’s passive-aggressive display justified the firm stance. Future gatherings might benefit from explicit pet rules.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s take on this BBQ brouhaha was a feast of wit and indignation, dishing out spicy opinions. Here’s what the community served up:

GargantuanGreenGoats - NTA. If you ever have a BBQ again, please PLEASE have some dog kibble on hand so that after she gives her dogs your nice bbq, you can pour her a bowl of kibble and tell her to eat up.

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moonlightetsunshine - NTA. This does sound like entitlement. Actually, it just about screams ENTITLEMENT. You and your whole family should do that every time SIL pulls this crap.. Did BIL manage his dog's food? If so, SIL could really learn a thing or two from him. Jeez.

CakeEatingRabbit - NTA. This is truely unhinged. She is not even good to her dogs as this is very unhealthy for them

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Boggy_Bilbo - NTA, 100%.you did feed her, she just chose to give it away. Most dog owners would think to bring dog food with them. Does she only feed them whatever she's eating, no cans?

ichoosetosavemyself - NTA. Your SIL has the social intelligence of a side of beef.

Popular_Document1399 - NTA. Your SIL is incredibly disrespectful and so entitled. I am a dog lover, and I know damn well you don't give the food you serve to people to dogs, which is very rude and inappropriate. From here on, do not invite your SIL or even your BIL to your home again unless both of them leave their dogs at home. Make sure your husband supports your decision.

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[Reddit User] - You are NTA for obvious reasons mentioned by others... BUT she is a huge A for feeding her dog with whatever she eats. BBQ is not good for dogs. I can't believe she wanted to feed them with it...

Interesting_Bug_8878 - Strong NTA. I hate these self-righteous entitled jerks like your SIL. To me the issue goes beyond simply not feeding the animals expensive food: they invited 3 more sentient beings without asking your permission or letting you know beforehand to plan accordingly for a meal you were inviting them to.. And her little tantrum was pathetic. Good call on not giving her anything else.

Girl_In_RedCostume - NTA. She sounds exausting. Why is she expecting people to be responsible for her dogs? If she wanted them to eat she should have brought their food.

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MarriedYTGirlTinder - 'They eat with us for every meal and now they are just going to be sitting here thinking they did something wrong because you won't feed them.'. Dog People™ are the absolute worst. NTA in any way.

These Redditors brought the heat, but do their takes on entitlement and doggy dining hold up at the family table?

This BBQ saga shows how a guest’s entitlement can turn a festive spread into a battle of wills. The host’s refusal to cater to her SIL’s dogs or her tantrum kept her principles intact, but it left a bitter aftertaste for some. What would you do if a guest gave their meal to their pets and demanded more? Share your thoughts or BBQ tales—how do you keep the peace when entitlement crashes the party?

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