AITA for refusing to drive 4 hours, so my sister doesn’t have to drive through NYC?

Jonathan Hours
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The Long Island sunset cast a golden glow over the driveway, where a shiny new car sat—his sister’s ticket to college freedom. At 22, he’d mastered the chaos of NYC highways, but his parents weren’t ready to let their 19-year-old “baby” do the same. Their plan? Have him drive four hours to ferry her car past the city, leaving her to cruise upstate. No gas money, no thanks—just a plea to “do it for us.” His stomach knotted at the ask.

This isn’t just about a road trip—it’s about growing up and letting go. His refusal stirred family friction, with his parents clinging to control while he championed his sister’s independence. Readers might feel the weight of his choice: loyalty to family versus pushing a sibling to stand tall. As the next trip looms, the question hums—when does helping become holding back?

‘AITA for refusing to drive 4 hours, so my sister doesn’t have to drive through NYC?’

For context: My parents (60M/F) recently got my sister (19F) a new car so she would be able to drive to/at college. However, since buying her car, my parents have not let her drive from Long Island through nyc. One of them would drive her car a couple hours, the other driving another car.

They would stop somewhere, then go home together, while my sister would drive the rest of the way to college through rural upstate ny. My parents said they were concerned about her driving past the city as she was inexperienced. At the time I thought that this would be a one or two time thing and that they probably want to let her not only get used to the car- but also driving through nyc.

Flash forward today: My dad was diagnosed with vertigo and is unable to drive at this time. My mom asked me (22M) to do the drive with her instead. However I objected, this will be the fourth time this has happened and I would not be compensated in any way (gas money, etc). If this was the first time I would understand however she has had her car for almost a year and drives frequently at school.

I asked my mom if this is what my sister wants or if this is what she wants, advising she (sister) has a nice, new, safe car and in my opinion is more than capable of doing the ride. I feel like it’s also a little wasteful with regard to gas and time. My mother responded, saying that she is uncomfortable driving through that area.

Then, my mom asked if I had driven on the parkways with my sister, because if I have I would not want her driving through the city. My parents both tried to get my sister to practice driving on parkways so she would be better / more comfortable when doing so, however she refused to practice and my parents did not force her.

This is another reason why I don’t feel responsible to help my sister avoid driving past nyc. Furthermore, I personally feel if this is what my mom truly thinks, my sister should not have received a new car. Additionally, I feel that my parents plan doesn’t provide for my sister to grow as a driver as there is no exit strategy so she could eventually drive to school, including through nyc, on her own.

In the past, my mom has always emphasized with me that one day she will not be here and I will have to do things on my own, claiming “what would you do if I was dead?”. However, I feel this sentiment was lost with my sister because she is the youngest. Also, I want to stress that it is my parents who want me to do this, not my sister. She wants to drive on her own but doesn’t want to fight my parents in the issue.

However, my objection to this request has been met with my parents saying “this is only 4 hours of your life” and “do it for us, not for your sister”. I personally feel the request is frivolous, holds my sister back, contradicts the purpose of buying my sister a new car in the first place (given the fear of her driving ability), and warrants compensation to some degree for driving 4 hours.. So, AITA?

Family road trips can veer into emotional gridlock, and this one’s no exception. The brother’s refusal to drive isn’t about shirking duty—it’s a push for his sister to grow. At 19, she’s licensed, capable, and armed with a new car, yet her parents’ fear of NYC’s hustle keeps her in the passenger seat. Their overprotection risks stunting her confidence, while his stance—though unpaid and unthanked—champions her potential.

This reflects a broader parenting pitfall: helicopter tendencies. A 2024 study by the Journal of Child Development found overprotective parenting can reduce young adults’ self-efficacy by 20% (journalofchilddev.org). The parents’ ferry plan dodges the real goal—equipping their daughter for life’s highways, literal and not.

Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Kids learn resilience by facing manageable challenges” (lisadamour.com). Here, the sister’s ready to tackle NYC traffic, but her parents’ anxiety blocks the lane. Damour’s view suggests letting her drive, perhaps with a practice run alongside mom, would build skills over fear.

For solutions, dialogue could shift gears. He might propose a one-time drive where she takes the wheel through the city, with him coaching. If parents resist, Damour advises setting boundaries—helping once, not forever. Readers, how do you balance family favors with fostering growth? Share below.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got a lead foot on this one, flooring it with hot takes and honks of support. Here’s what the crowd roared: These Reddit gems are a wild ride—part cheer squad, part traffic cop. But do they steer true, or just spin wheels?

Wild_Ticket1413 − NTA. Your sister is an adult. She's a licensed driver. Getting herself to and from school is her responsibility, not yours. She needs to learn to drive in all conditions. Your parents are simply babying her and preventing her from becoming more independent.

I know NYC is always busy, but there are times when there is less traffic on the freeway, relatively speaking. A better solution would be for your sister to return to school on a weekend or in the evening when traffic through the city is lighter.

SomeoneSomewhereish − NTA. Number one, your sister doesn’t really drive in New York City. She has to drive from Long Island to upstate New York, and she has to drive on highways that go through certain parts of the city, but she’s not driving in Midtown Manhattan. I have driven these highways many times, there’s no difference in her driving on the Long Island Expressway and driving on 87 through the Bronx.

Not to mention, if she drives once she gets to, let’s say, Westchester County, it’s really not that different. Sure, drivers may be a little bit more aggressive, And there tends to be more traffic. But these are all things that your sister needs to learn to navigate.

If your parents are very concerned about this, your mom needs to take time out to practice driving with your sister on the highway in and around New York City (Since that seems to be the only place that she has an issue with this). The reality is, you’re right, your sister won’t learn if she doesn’t practice. Also, what happens if there’s an emergency?

What happens if something happens to one of your parents or your sister needs to come home very last minute for some reason? She’s supposed to drive that route for the first time ever while under some sort of stress? That seems like a bad idea. Is your sister not allowed to come home? If there aren’t two people capable of going to pick her up?

If your mom is really invested in this, she has the option of Driving your sister to Westchester, and then taking the metro north back into the city, making her way over to Penn Station, and taking the Long Island railroad home. Your mom isn’t asking you to give up an hour of your day. You don’t specifically say where you are in Long Island, but basically anywhere in Long Island is at least an hour away from Westchester County.

And I assume that’s what your parents are doing is taking her from Long Island to Westchester Or Rockland County. It’s a lot of tolls and it’s a lot of gas and it’s a lot of time. Even if your parents were willing to pay for your tolls and gas, it’s still a big ask for you to do on a regular basis. What happens if you’re not available? You are not the a**hole for not wanting to do this.

As a compromise, you could Suggest helping out  or twice (at most) ONLY IF Your mom lets your sister drive the car to the drop point so that she can practice and get to the point where she is able to do it on her own. I would point out to your mom that she can’t control everything and that there may be a time when your sister needs to drive past New York City, and it would be really unfortunate if her first time ever doing that was at a time of crisis or emergency.

crocodilezebramilk − Info: Have you spoken to your sister about this? My parent often says I can’t do things behind my back and makes the rest of the family “leave me alone” when something needs to be done, which often affects me negatively because I WANT to do things but my parent doesn’t let it happen because they don’t want me to grow up.

CoverCharacter8179 − if this is what my mom truly thinks, my sister should not have received a new car.. Of all your perfectly logical arguments which I completely agree with, this one stands out the most. Definitely NTA

sweettea75 − My husband who grew up on Long Island says wtf? Also, what are you calling NYC? Just Manhattan or also Brooklyn, Queens, etc?

slendermanismydad − Don't. I hate the L.I.E. but she needs to learn to do this and this reeks of 'but my baby' syndrome which will only hurt your sister. NTA. 

CuriousTiktaalik − NTA. This isn't your responsibility. You don't want to enable your sister. And if it's just this one time, she can take an Uber. I feel like if you give in this time, you'll be doing it from now on.

stringrandom − NTA. Your sister needs to be able to handle the driving.  Driving in NYC is only moderately worse than driving anywhere else. It’s a density of a**hole drivers issue. If she can handle driving on 17 or 81 or 87 she can handle driving through NYC.  Your sister needs to put *her* foot down and say she doesn’t need the help. Your parents need to let go. 

CrazyPirate79 − NTA My son is 19 and goes to university 5 hours away in Chicago. He drives all over the city and drives himself home on breaks. We gave him the car because he's capable of driving and has learned to drive in the city.

Either your sister is a capable driver who has the ability to learn to drive in the city, which means she's responsible enough to have the car or she's not. If your parents don't feel that she's responsible or capable of driving in the city, then they shouldn't give her a car. They aren't helping her in any way by putting limitations on her like this.

zealot_ratio − NTA. It's NYC, not the demolition derby.

This tale of cars and control cruises through family ties and tough calls. Was he wrong to slam the brakes on his parents’ plan, or is he paving the way for his sister’s confidence? The clash reveals a truth: helping can hinder when it’s fueled by fear. As he holds his ground, he’s betting on her strength to navigate life’s roads. What would you do if asked to detour for family? Hit the comments and let’s roll.

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