AITA for refusing to donate blood to my brother?

In the sterile glow of a hospital waiting room, a young woman faces a wrenching question from her mother: would she donate blood to save her brother, injured in a car crash? As a universal donor, she’s a lifeline, but her secret battle with an eating disorder and underweight condition makes it a dangerous ask. Her hesitant refusal sparks her mother’s anger, igniting a family rift where health, duty, and hidden struggles collide.

The tension hangs heavy as her mother’s guilt-trip clashes with the woman’s unspoken fears for her own well-being. Her brother’s stable recovery offers relief, but the misunderstanding lingers, leaving her to wonder if her silence made her selfish. Readers might feel the weight of her dilemma, caught between family pressure and personal limits. This story of health and heart asks how we balance love with self-preservation.

‘AITA for refusing to donate blood to my brother?’

So this has caused some controversy within my family. My (20F) brother (29M) was in a car accident last week. He'll be fine - he's stable now and will live, but when he first got rushed to the hospital, he was in desperate need of blood. He was given a transfusion and all was good, but the doctor said depending on how things go, he may need another transfusion later. Blood is obviously something the hospitals need lots of donations off for patients.

Here's the AH part my mom asked me if it came down to it, would I be willing to donate blood to my brother, as I am a universal donor because of my blood type. I said I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. I have suffered from an eating disorder on and off since I was 14 and I'm still underweight.

Now, I am getting help for my disorder without my family's knowledge and they don't actually know I have an eating disorder. However they do know I am underweight and have health issues/go to the doctor often, and comment on it frequently, so it's not as if my weight and health completely escapes them.

If I wanted to donate blood at say a blood drive, I would be turned away because I don't meet the weight requirements. I am 5'3, around 95lbs. My mom seemed pretty angry with me, asking how I would live with myself if my brother died from blood loss and I didn't donate.

I don't have a good relationship with my brother, but it isn't horrible. I don't want him to die. I don't think she was understanding WHY I didn't want to/couldn't donate... I think it would make me sick or put me at risk.. AITA?. ​

EDIT thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate the different POVs, including the YTAs. My brother has returned to his apartment with his GF and is recovering there. I explained to my mom that what I meant by 'I won't donate' I actually meant 'I can't' and she understand and apologized for yelling at me. Everything is somewhat back to normal now.

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Family crises can amplify misunderstandings, especially when health is at stake. Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist (KellyMcGonigal.com), notes, “Setting boundaries around health is not selfish; it’s survival.” The woman’s refusal to donate blood, driven by her underweight condition and eating disorder, was a medically sound choice—blood donation guidelines in the U.S. require a minimum weight of 110 pounds for safety (American Red Cross).

Her mother’s emotional reaction, while understandable in a crisis, overlooked her daughter’s visible health struggles. A 2022 study in Health Psychology (APA) found that 50% of family conflicts during medical emergencies stem from poor communication about health limitations. The woman’s decision to keep her disorder private, possibly due to stigma, complicated the exchange, but her later clarification helped mend the rift.

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McGonigal advises, “Honesty, even partial, can prevent escalation.” The woman could’ve cited donation restrictions without disclosing her disorder, easing her mother’s fears. For readers, this highlights the need for clear health boundaries—sharing just enough can protect relationships without compromising privacy. Her resolution with her mother shows that empathy and explanation can heal, even after heated moments.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew jumped in with a mix of support and advice, dissecting this blood-donation drama with sharp insight. Here’s the raw scoop, buzzing with empathy and a dash of critique:

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NeedAnOffButton − NTA. All you need to do is tell Mom you had an interest in donating blood and looked into it, only to be told you don't meet the criteria. As a result, it's not so much you won't, as that you CAN'T.

eac96 − NTA If you are in the US there is no such thing as person-to-person transfusion any longer. Any blood donated must first go through a testing and separation process before being cleared for use. Your brother would have never gotten your blood anyway.

You would most likely not be able to donate blood due to your current weight situation and illness. It is always best to be upfront with the medical personnel when donating so you do not endanger your self or waste their time and resources.

Your Mom did not handle this situations well at all! She must know you are under weight and it could be dangerous for you to donate. She needs to educate herself and she owes you an apology for the guilt trip.

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[Reddit User] − NTA your mom was putting out a ridiculous scenario and then making it into a huge dramatic thing. That’s not how blood donations work they have to test it etc.

HighTechPanda − I don't think the doctors would've let you donate. Not your fault. NTA.

_Samkiss_Your_Mom_ − NAH. You can't donate you're not an a**hole. You didn't explain why you can't to your mom, so she thinks you're just being selfish. Just explain to her that you don't meet the requirements.

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TLema − NTA, you would essentially be putting your own health in jeopardy while his already is. I really don't think your parents would like having two kids in bad shape in the hospital, would they?

Ruthless_Bunny − In future the response is, “of course! If they let me!”. I am rarely able to give blood due to anemia.

Hellsbellsbeans − Without being alarmist, this is one of those events that can cause huge scars in a relationship for life. Your mother was clearly concerned that your brother could die and, as far as she could see, her other child didn't want to lift a finger to help.

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In the heat of the moment she would not be calculating your bmi vs the blood donation guidelines. If you want a functioning relationship with your family you need to explain why you said no.. Soft yta atm, but you could turn it around.

WhoStoleMyCake − NTA, but please, make sure you explain the requirements and that you don't meet them to your mother

jrsinhbca − No. However, ask your doctor if you are able to give blood. Get the real answer from a well educated professional.

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Redditors mostly backed the woman, citing medical restrictions and slamming her mother’s guilt-trip as unfair. Some urged clearer communication; others noted blood donation logistics make direct transfusions unlikely. But do these takes capture the full pulse of this family clash, or just amplify the drama?

This woman’s refusal to donate blood wasn’t a rejection of her brother but a shield for her fragile health, misunderstood in a moment of crisis. Her mother’s anger, born of fear, faded with explanation, showing communication’s power to mend. Health boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re essential, especially when family expectations loom large. What would you do if asked to risk your health for a loved one? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate

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