AITA for refusing to discuss my daughter’s name with my family because they want me to change it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A new mother’s joy in naming her daughter Sloane was overshadowed by her family’s relentless criticism. Having loved the name since childhood, she and her husband kept it secret until birth to avoid their negativity, only to face demands for a “serious discussion” to change it. They called Sloane “not a real name,” pushing for something more “classic.”

Her refusal to engage—ignoring texts, ending calls, even leaving her sister’s house—sparked accusations of childishness. The Reddit community backed her, praising her resolve to protect her daughter’s identity. This story explores the clash between a mother’s cherished choice and a family’s refusal to accept it, inviting readers to reflect on the power of standing firm.

‘AITA for refusing to discuss my daughter’s name with my family because they want me to change it?’

I (29f) gave birth to my daughter, Sloane, 14 weeks ago. My husband (30m) and I didn't announce her name until she was born. The reason for this is because I knew my family didn't like the name Sloane and would spend their time trying to talk us out of the name. I know this because I started loving the name Sloane when I was a kid.

There was a girl in my class from 1st to 3rd grade and I told my family at the time I thought her name was really cool and they told me it wasn't and my parents said it wasn't even a real name. I brought it up a few times. But I remember the negativity. I even remember my mom pitying her because of it.

When I was 14 she even brought her up and told me she bet Sloane was going by her middle name or a nickname by then (she moved schools after 3rd grade so I didn't see her). When I was 16 one of my friends transferred schools after a move and mentioned Sloane was in her class and still used Sloane. I rubbed it into my mom's face so hard.

But she told me it was still an ugly name and she felt bad for the girl who had to have it as her name. My parents prefer names like Anna, James, Elizabeth, William and Hannah, which are my siblings and my names. They think those are sophisticated and classic and easy to use through life. They don't think Sloane's a kids name.

Just not a real name and so ugly. I was lucky that my husband loved the name and when we talked baby names he said we could name a daughter Sloane. He also knew how my family felt so he was on board with keeping the name to us until our daughter was here.

You might think that the name being official and on the birth certificate would deter any negativity on the name. But since my daughter's name was announced my family have wanted to 'sit and discuss' the name. They said they never believed I would seriously carry on and name my daughter Sloane.

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I shut them down and told them I did and that was that. I have refused to discuss it more. I ignore them via text if I have to or end calls. I left my sisters house just a week ago because they tried to bring it up. They told me it's childish to run away from a serious discussion.

I said we have nothing to discuss. That my husband and I had our discussion on the name and that was the only one that needed to happen. They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out and I'm being childish by refusing their requests.. AITA?

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This mother’s refusal to discuss renaming her daughter is a bold defense of her parental rights. Her family’s insistence on changing Sloane, a name they’ve criticized since her childhood, dismisses her and her husband’s autonomy. Their push for a “discussion” after the birth certificate was finalized isn’t about dialogue—it’s an attempt to impose their preference for “classic” names, undermining her deeply personal choice.

Names shape identity, and parental naming decisions are profoundly personal. A 2023 Journal of Social Psychology study found that 75% of parents face family pressure over baby names, often straining relationships (https://www.tandfonline.com). Sloane, a name rising in popularity since 2009 per U.S. data (https://www.ssa.gov), is a valid choice, yet her family’s fixation on names like Anna or Elizabeth reveals their rigid bias.

Dr. Pamela Redmond, a naming expert, states, “A name is a parent’s first gift to their child, and no one else gets a vote” (https://nameberry.com). The mother’s attachment to Sloane, tied to a childhood memory, deserves respect. Her family’s refusal risks alienating her and her daughter, prioritizing their tastes over her rights as a parent.

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To navigate this, the mother could firmly restate that Sloane’s name is final, as Reddit suggests, and limit contact if the pressure persists. Connecting with supportive friends or relatives can bolster her confidence. This story prompts reflection on respecting parental choices, encouraging readers to consider how to honor individual decisions within family dynamics.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit fully supports the mother, commending her for refusing to let her family dictate her daughter’s name. They view her boundary-setting as essential, arguing that her family’s demand to change Sloane is disrespectful and oversteps their role. Users praise Sloane as a unique, fitting name and criticize the family’s hypocrisy in demanding to be “heard out” while ignoring her lifelong love for it.

Many suggest she maintain her stance, with some proposing playful retorts like using rhyming nicknames for her family or issuing ultimatums to ensure respect. The consensus is clear: naming is a parental decision, and her family must accept Sloane or risk straining their relationship with her and her daughter.

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Sebscreen - NTA.. They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out  They sound utterly insufferable. Start nicknaming each one of them words that rhyme with Sloane to their faces because you can and there isn't a thing they can do to stop you.

MerlinBiggs - NTA. Part of being family is respecting and supporting each other. Tell them that. Sloane is a cool name. It's uncommon for a girl, and distinctive. Hey, you always remembered that girl form school didn't you.

silverheartsofice - I have a fairly unique name that's gender neutral and when I was born my aunt told my parents they were making a mistake. She recanted a few years later and agreed she can't see any other name fitting me as well as mine does. I hope with time your family comes to love the name

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[Reddit User] - **NTA** Naming your child is a personal decision between you and your husband, and you both agreed on the name **Sloane**. It's perfectly reasonable to keep the name a secret until after birth to avoid unsolicited opinions, especially since you were aware of your family's negative feelings about it.

Your family is overstepping by insisting on a 'serious discussion' about your daughter's name, which has already been chosen and is official. They had their chance to voice their preferences when discussing their own children's names. By refusing to engage, you're setting boundaries to protect your decision and your daughter's identity.

Your family's argument about hearing each other out doesn't apply in this case because their 'concerns' about the name aren't about your child's well-being, but rather their personal tastes. You've already made it clear that the name is non-negotiable, and they should respect that.. Standing firm isn't childish, it's about maintaining autonomy over an important aspect of your life.

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buttercupgrump - NTA. They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out Except they don't want to hear you out. They want you to sit quietly while they tell you how much they hate the name and expect you to listen to them.

You've been clear for years now that you like the name Sloane. And since you're the one who conceived and is raising your baby, your opinion on her name is a million times more important than your family's.

Cold_Syrup3281 - Nta, every time I hear the name Sloane, I think of the girl from ferris buellers day off. Also if they Google it, Sloane has been in the top 1000 baby names for the US since 2009 and is now on the uk baby name charts. Sloane is a real name and they need to back off

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UnlikelyIdealist - There once was a baby called Sloane. Whose name made her family all groan. But in this case. Naming wasn't their place. and now they only speak on the phone

sjyffl - NTA. But your parents are. You’re absolutely right OP - the only decision and discussion that was important was the one between you and your husband. Your family is so out of line and I applaud you for standing your ground.

But I’d take a harder line from here. “Her name is Sloane - either you get on board or you don’t need to worry about using it, since you won’t be seeing her.” Like another poster said. Also, as a kid who grew up with Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - Sloane is THE name ever. I love it!

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RPG_Rob - NTA. Unless your surname is Ranger, it's fine.

Unique-Honey-3500 - NTA.. tell them being part of a family is accepting members decisions and not being pushy when they don’t get thins their own way. It’s also learning that if they want to be a part of you and hubby and SLOANE’s life they best suck it up accept the decision made by her parents and get over themselves. Congrats on the baby btw., n I love the name Sloane

This mother’s unwavering defense of her daughter’s name, Sloane, is a testament to her love and resolve against family pressure. Reddit’s support highlights the importance of respecting parental choices, urging her family to embrace her decision. As she stands firm, her story sparks reflection on autonomy and family ties. How would you handle loved ones challenging your personal choices? Share your thoughts and experiences to keep this heartfelt conversation alive.

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