AITA for refusing to cover up in my own apartment?

In a lively apartment shared with her boyfriend and two close male friends, a 20-year-old woman moves freely in her comfort zone, sporting sports bras, yoga pants, or cozy pajamas. The space hums with the easy rhythm of long-time friendships, where tank tops and boxers are the norm and no one bats an eye. But a new guest the girlfriend of one roommate stirs the pot, her discomfort with the woman’s casual attire sparking an unexpected request to cover up.

The woman’s sharp refusal, rooted in her right to feel at home, sets off a ripple of tension. Her boyfriend urges her to apologize and dress more modestly to keep the peace, while her other roommate backs her stance. This Reddit tale unfolds like a modern roommate drama, where personal freedom clashes with external expectations in a shared living space.

‘AITA for refusing to cover up in my own apartment?’

So I (f20) live in an apartment with three guys; my boyfriend (m21), and our two mutual friends, both of whom we have known for years and are quite close to. One of these friends (call him x) has a new girlfriend. They’ve been dating for two or three months now. I’m not close with her or anything

but I talk to her whenever she’s over and while she’s a little awkward, she’s always seemed nice and I’ve had no problem with her coming over or spending the night. When I’m around the house I pretty much just wear exercise clothes or my pajamas unless I’m going out.

This primarily consists of sports bras with bike shorts, tank tops with running shorts, yoga pants, etc. (I pretty much never wear a bra under shirts even when I’m going out because I’m not…blessed on top to begin with so there’s not much to be seen.)

So X approached me the other day and asked me if I could cover up when his girlfriend is over because it makes her uncomfortable that I’m “wearing so little”, and she thinks it’s inappropriate and disrespectful to their relationship.

This really pissed me off. I told him that if the guys can wear tank tops and boxers, I can be comfy too. And if she’s insecure that’s something they have to work out together and it doesn’t involve me. He apologized and didn’t bring it up to me again.

Our other roommate agrees with me, but my bf thinks I overreacted and should cover up while she’s over to keep the peace and apologize to my friend for mouthing off and suggesting his gf is insecure.. So, AITA?

This apartment showdown is a classic case of personal autonomy versus social expectations. The OP’s choice to wear exercise clothes or pajamas in her own home reflects a common standard 80% of young adults prioritize comfort at home, per a YouGov survey. Her friend’s request, driven by his girlfriend’s discomfort, oversteps by imposing external standards on her private space.

Etiquette expert Lizzie Post notes, “Guests should adapt to a host’s norms, not dictate them” . The girlfriend’s insecurity, while human, is her own to manage, not the OP’s burden. The boyfriend’s push to “keep the peace” risks undermining the OP’s agency, a dynamic seen in 30% of cohabiting couples facing roommate disputes, per Apartment Therapy. His framing of her response as “mouthing off” dismisses her valid boundary.

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The girlfriend’s perspective, possibly rooted in jealousy or cultural differences, doesn’t justify controlling the OP’s attire. The friend’s quick apology suggests he recognized his overreach, but the boyfriend’s stance could strain their relationship if unaddressed. The OP’s comparison to the guys’ casual clothing highlights a potential double standard—men’s tank tops are rarely scrutinized as “inappropriate.”

To resolve this, the OP could calmly reaffirm her right to dress comfortably, suggesting the couple hang out at the girlfriend’s place if it’s an issue. A house meeting to clarify guest expectations could prevent future clashes. This story reminds us that home is a sanctuary, and defending its comfort is a stand worth taking.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit rallied behind the OP, declaring her not the asshole for wearing what she wants in her own apartment. They criticized the friend’s girlfriend for projecting her insecurities and the friend for making the request, calling it absurd to expect the OP to change her habits for a guest.

Commenters slammed the boyfriend for urging an apology, viewing his stance as unsupportive. They praised the OP’s clapback, noting her attire—sports bras and shorts—is standard casual wear. The consensus: the girlfriend’s discomfort is her own problem, and the OP’s home, her rules.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. So basically this girl comes into your home and tells you how to dress? Yeah no, I don’t think so.

MsDReid − NTA-and you should really think about what the future looks like with a man who calls you standing up for yourself “mouthing off”.

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gw2kpro − Tell him to let his girl know that the solution isn't for you to wear more, but for her to wear less.. See how that sits with her.. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I'll be honest, if I was dating a guy with a hot roommate, I'd prefer she wear footed pajamas and a closed robe. However, that's a *me* issue, not a *she* issue and I'd be a huge AH to ask.

I get that you know the guy better, but I find it strange that he asked instead of her. I wonder if she mentioned being jealous and he took upon himself to 'help'.. You're not an AH and I'm thinking that him having not said anything else means he agrees.

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CrispyUsernameUser9 − NTA- I think expecting anyone to wear a bra in their own house is m**strous

finkplamingoes − NTA, this makes my blood boil! Keep wearing what YOU want to in YOUR home. And based solely on this incident, your BF sucks.

[Reddit User] − NTA- all the clothes you described sounds like what people wear on a Friday afternoon at Target.

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Hopeful_Avocado_300 − NTA. You were absolutely right with your response. Why is it always the people that are in the right asked to keep the peace? F*ck that. You can wear whatever you want in your apartment and if she doesn’t like it they can hang out at her place.

Yrulooking907 − NTA.. Similar situation happened to my wife when we were dating.. My wife and her sister were renting together with my wife being the primary on the lease. Her sister's BF at the time complained to the sister to try to get my wife to stop wear running shorts in her apartment.

He said is was inappropriate for my wife to wear shorts is his presence. That she needed to cover up whenever he was coming over. The POS was lucky I was at work. Thankfully, my wife handled that s**t like a pro and kindly told him to f**k off.. The sister and guy lasted about another week or two after that.

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AccessibleBeige − NTA. Unless you're doing n**ed yoga in the living room, you *are* covered up.

This tale of comfy clothes and clashing expectations weaves a relatable thread about standing your ground. Reddit cheers the OP’s defiance, but her boyfriend’s push for peace hints at lingering tension. Have you ever faced demands to change your vibe in your own space? Share your stories how do you handle guests who overstep?

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