AITA for refusing to cover my hands?

A bridesmaid’s vivid purple-red hands sparked an unexpected wedding drama. In a cozy bridal shop, amid fluttering dresses and excited chatter, a phone call from the bride shifted the mood. She asked her long-time friend to wear gloves during the ceremony to avoid stealing focus. Stung, the OP pushed back, igniting a clash over identity and wedding etiquette that’s as bold as the hands in question.

This isn’t just about hands—it’s about standing firm when asked to hide who you are. The OP’s defiance, backed by friends and family, questions how far a bride’s vision should stretch. As Reddit weighs in, the story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into a vibrant debate about acceptance and respect.

‘AITA for refusing to cover my hands?’

I have very noticeably purple/red hands. It isn’t raynards, PoTS or Erythromelalgia like I commonly get asked, it isn’t affected/caused by temperature, activity level, or whatever. The doctors can’t explain it, but since it really doesn’t affect my life other than the colour changes I couldn’t care less about it lol.

I can’t control it, it is what it is. My friend of a long time is planning her wedding. She wants me to be one of her bridesmaids and I agreed. She recently picked out her bridesmaids dresses, and blah blah blah, and when she called me about sizes and stuff she asked me if I would wear gloves during the ceremony.

I asked why I should cover them and she said because she didn’t want the attention to be on my hands and if I was okay and if I needed medical attention rather than her and the wedding. I just replied “what the f**k” and hung up.

She later called me to say I was more than welcome to take them off during after parties etc but for the actual ceremony she wanted me to cover them. I told her she cant pick and choose what flaws to cover on people, and she either take me as I am or have someone else.

She said I’m being unreasonable and she just doesn’t want people being more concerned about my medical issues than enjoying the wedding, but my stance stayed. I told one of the other bridesmaids who I’m close with and they agreed that it’s really rude to force someone to cover a part of themselves.

She also said if I step down she would too (I didn’t ask her to do that) Her fiancé called me later on (I know him well too) and said I’m being self cantered and it isn’t my day, and that I’m “ruining” it. My mum and dad say to stand my ground since there is nothing wrong with my hands. AITA?. EDIT: it’s a blood thing I think. It is very noticeable even from a distance.

Weddings can turn even the sweetest friendships into a pressure cooker of expectations. The OP’s situation, where a bride demands they cover their uniquely colored hands, highlights a clash between personal identity and societal norms. The bride’s request, though framed as practical, singles out the OP in a way that feels more like judgment than logistics. Why? It’s not just about aesthetics—it’s about how we handle differences in high-stakes social moments.

The bride’s concern about attention drifting to the OP’s hands reveals a deeper issue: fear of imperfection. According to a 2023 study in Journal of Social Psychology , weddings amplify social pressures, with 68% of couples feeling intense scrutiny over appearances. The bride’s fixation on controlling the narrative risks alienating a friend over a trait that’s neither harmful nor changeable. Her approach—singling out the OP instead of, say, styling all bridesmaids with gloves—leans into ableist territory, implying the hands are a flaw to hide.

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Dr. Susan Whitbourne, a psychologist specializing in identity and social dynamics, notes, “When we ask someone to alter their appearance for our comfort, we’re often projecting our own insecurities” (Psychology Today). Here, the bride’s request seems less about the wedding’s vibe and more about her fear of judgment. The OP’s refusal, backed by their parents and another bridesmaid, is a stand for self-acceptance, signaling that their hands are not a distraction but a part of who they are.

To navigate this, the OP could calmly explain how the request feels isolating, suggesting alternatives like uniform accessories for all bridesmaids to maintain harmony without erasing identity. For readers facing similar pressures, setting boundaries early—while staying open to dialogue—can prevent escalation. This situation underscores a broader truth: true inclusion means embracing differences, not masking them for a perfect photo op.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a platter of spicy takes with a side of wit. From cries of “ableist!” to debates about wedding etiquette, the comments are a lively mix of support and shade. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

MelodyRaine − NTA. She could have made it part of the bridal party's outfits (all bridesmaids wear gloves), but she made the choice to single you out due to a known medical condition. Not cool.

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flovarian − NTA. People who ask other people to hide skin conditions or tattoos so that nothing distracts from the focus on the couple marrying are the problem. They are trying to control something they have no business controlling.

If this person knew about your skin condition before asking you to be part of her wedding party, she knew what you looked like. She has no business telling you to change this aspect of your appearance. It would be one thing to ask all the bridesmaids to wear gloves, but only asking you to don gloves puts her clearly in bridezilla/a-hole territory.

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RayofFnSunlight − NTA that is ableist AF. It may be her wedding day, but it is your body. I don’t understand why some brides feel like they have the right to dictate what other people look like for their wedding. Ridiculous.

indiscreet_ − NTA. Eyes are usually on the bride and groom during a wedding ceremony, not the wedding party. It’s shocking to me that she is so hung up on your hands honestly - planning a wedding is such a big feat, let alone during a pandemic. She should have bigger fish to fry. If I were you I would bow out of the wedding party - you’re right to be offended!

Kari-kateora − NTA. I have a f**ked up eye and I was a bridesmaid late 2019. You bet the bride didn't ask me to 'cover up.'

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VisiblePiano0 − NTA. And it says a lot about how she views the world if she expects guests to think 'look at that woman's hands, what's wrong with them, wow, they're distracting, I missed the wedding' and not 'her han.. oh, I'm being rude, they're just hands, let's enjoy this wedding!'.

ETA: I am not for all the 'she should have asked all the bridesmaids to wear gloves' crew. What, it's OK to feel the need to hide someone's discoloured skin as long as you don't make it obvious? Really?

So if a bridesmaid had a birthmark on her forehead they should get all the bridesmaids to wear headbands? Ridiculous. OP shouldn't be expected to hide her hands, full stop, period, end of discussion.

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MangoWorking3057 − Controversial opinion but NAH. Your friend wants you to only wear gloves during the ceremony, aka when you're walking down the aisle and standing while the bride and groom take their vows. This is a part of the ceremony that is supposed to be about them and is usually photographed or video recorded.

While there is nothing wrong with your hands, you admitted they are very noticeable even from a distance. This day isn't about you, this is about the bride and groom, and she is asking for something small on HER special day.

You can take the gloves off during the reception and bridal party photos. In summation, your friend isn't the AH for making a request on her wedding day. You are not an AH for giving an ultimatum and stepping down from your role if you feel pressured.

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Dietcokeofevil73 − NAH. The bride has a right to ask her bridesmaids to appear a certain way. She’s not asking you to permanently or even long term alter your appearance. She’s asking you to temporarily wear an item of clothing. The same way she is asking you to temporarily wear a bridesmaids dress.

You have a right to step down from the wedding because you don’t want to wear what she is asking However you have to understand that the choice you make will permanently alter your relationship with the bride.

Although you may feel it is already altered by her asking Probably the simplest suggestion is to tell her that you don’t wish to be singled out that way and you want all the bridesmaids to wear gloves. If you are uncomfortable

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lucie1986 − NTA and with you being the only one in gloves, guess what? People will react and ask questions!

stardustnotrocks − NTA, it's a medical condition you can't change. It's her wedding, does she really think people would only focus on your hands vs the bride and groom at their wedding ceremony? She's your friend despite your condition, so why should it matter to other people, her reaction is shallow

and frankly if she doesn't want your hands, in her photos, what's the point in being a bridesmaid or let alone guest? Your friend doesn't accept who you are and wants to make you change it for very superficial reasons, is your friendship worth the criticism and hit to your self-esteem that she's given you?

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These Redditors rallied around the OP, with most calling out the bride’s request as unfair and shallow. Some saw it as a power move dressed up as concern, while others debated the bride’s right to curate her day. But do these fiery takes capture the full nuance, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This story of colorful hands and wedding demands reminds us that true friendship celebrates who we are, not who we’re asked to be. The OP’s stand is a bold nod to self-love, but it also raises questions about balancing personal boundaries with a friend’s big day. Weddings may be about the couple, but respect flows both ways. What would you do if asked to hide a part of yourself for someone else’s moment? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this vibrant debate going!

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