AITA for refusing to cook for my brother unless i get paid?
A 15-year-old girl was asked by her parents to take over cooking for her and her 16-year-old brother while they’re away for a week, but she refused unless paid, arguing it’s unfair that her brother, who never learned to cook, gets a free pass. When her parents insisted family helps each other without payment, she declared she’d only cook for herself, sparking a family argument over fairness and responsibility.
This sibling clash dives into the messy dynamics of household chores, gender expectations, and standing up for what’s fair. Was the girl right to demand payment or cook only for herself, or should she have just helped out?
‘AITA for refusing to cook for my brother unless i get paid?’
The situation arose when the OP’s parents planned a week-long trip:
She proposed a fair split, but her brother and parents pushed back:
The argument escalated with her dad’s involvement:
This story exposes the unfair burden of household responsibilities often placed on young girls due to gender norms. The OP’s demand for payment or refusal to cook for her brother is a bold stand against being expected to pick up his slack, especially since he’s older and capable of learning. Her parents’ dismissal of her request and insistence on “family duty” ignores the inequity of forcing her to compensate for her brother’s refusal to develop basic life skills.
The OP’s situation reflects a broader issue of gendered expectations in households. Family therapist Dr. John Townsend notes, “When parents assign chores based on gender rather than ability or fairness, they reinforce outdated stereotypes and breed resentment” (Boundaries with Kids). The mother’s decision to force the OP to learn cooking while excusing her brother’s refusal smacks of sexism, setting her up to feel like the family’s default caretaker.
That said, the OP’s approach could use finesse. Demanding payment might have escalated the conflict, and a compromise—like splitting cooking and cleaning duties—could have made her point without alienating her parents. Her brother’s “weaponized incompetence” is frustrating, but her parents’ failure to hold him accountable is the root issue, not her responsibility to fix.
Moving forward, the OP should stick to cooking for herself or propose a clear chore split, like her cooking while her brother cleans. Her parents need to teach him basic skills before he leaves home, and a family discussion about equitable responsibilities could prevent future resentment. The OP’s push for fairness is justified, but diplomacy will help her case.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit jumped into this sibling spat with gusto, mostly cheering the OP’s stand while slamming her parents’ unfair expectations and suggesting practical solutions. Here’s every comment, grouped by perspective!
Most supported the OP’s refusal and called out the unfairness:
Some suggested creative or petty compliance:
Clean your own dishes and let him eat off the dirty ones. They’ll all have his prior food gunk on it. And don’t pick up after him. Keep your own stuff tidy and none of your things in the common areas so any mess when your folks come back is his. Enjoy your time alone.”
This sibling showdown is a fiery clash over fairness and family expectations. The OP’s refusal to cook for her older brother unless paid is a bold stand against unfair gender norms and her parents’ uneven standards. Should she cook only for herself, or is there a compromise that keeps the peace? What’s your take on this household drama? Share your thoughts below!
