AITA for refusing to compromise on custody after my daughters father lied about what they were doing?
Co-parenting can feel like a dance, but one misstep can trip everyone up. For a 32-year-old mom, flexibility with her ex over their 13-year-old daughter, Lily, hit a sour note when he lied about a funeral trip. He swapped custody days, citing his brother-in-law’s passing, but photos revealed he took Lily to a ball game instead—skipping homework. Furious at his “lucky coincidence” excuse, she shut down future custody swaps, even for his mom’s birthday, prioritizing Lily’s education.
Now, he’s calling her an overreacting jerk, and she’s left wondering if her hard line was too harsh. Was her trust betrayed, or is she controlling Lily’s time? This Reddit saga dives into the messy rhythm of co-parenting, where lies, love, and learning collide. Can broken trust find a new beat, or will rigidity rule?
‘AITA for refusing to compromise on custody after my daughters father lied about what they were doing?’
Co-parenting demands trust, but this mom’s ex fumbled it. By omitting the ball game from his funeral trip plan, he breached transparency, leaving her feeling deceived. Her refusal to swap custody days—like for his mom’s birthday—is a stand for accountability, but is it too rigid? Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Trust rebuilds through open communication, not punishment.” The dad’s “lucky coincidence” excuse downplayed her valid concern about Lily’s schoolwork, especially since missing a Friday likely meant unfinished assignments.
Her focus on education is grounded—studies show consistent school attendance boosts academic success—but her assumption that Lily’s team fandom is just for her dad dismisses their bond. That connection, vital for Lily’s emotional health, deserved consideration. The funeral’s emotional weight, as Reddit noted, may have prompted the game as a balm, though he should’ve disclosed it. Her hardline stance risks escalating conflict, potentially harming Lily, who may feel caught in the crossfire.
This reflects a broader co-parenting challenge: balancing control with flexibility. About 30% of co-parents clash over differing priorities, often education versus bonding. Dr. Gottman suggests a calm reset: she could say, “I felt blindsided; let’s share full plans upfront.” A revised custody agreement with clear communication rules could prevent repeats. For now, she might reconsider the birthday swap, framing it as a one-time grace to model compromise for Lily. Therapy could help them align on Lily’s needs.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit users swung hard, mostly calling the mom out for overreacting to her ex’s omission. Here’s what they said:
![[Reddit User] − YTA He has to lie to you, you don't want him to have any together time with your child. And that's exactly what she's learning, that you had a child with someone you don't trust to raise her with you, and that you're obsessed with controlling their relationship.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/297903c-05.png)
These takes are fiery, but do they overlook her trust violation?
This mom’s stand for her daughter’s education clashed with her ex’s sneaky ball game detour, shattering their co-parenting rhythm. His lie by omission broke trust, but her rigid custody clampdown might hurt Lily more than him. Transparency and compromise could mend the rift, keeping Lily’s needs—school and family bonds—at the heart. What would you do when co-parenting trust cracks? Share your thoughts below—how do you balance discipline with flexibility?
