AITA for refusing to comply to my roommate’s request?

The apartment door creaks open at midnight, and a young man tiptoes in, careful not to disturb the stillness. For one 22-year-old, this quiet return home sparks tension with his early-to-bed roommate, who demands a 9 PM curfew. Their clashing schedules highlight a universal struggle: balancing personal freedom with shared living. Readers can’t help but wonder—how much should one sacrifice for a roommate’s peace? This Reddit tale dives into the heart of cohabitation woes, stirring curiosity about who’s truly in the wrong.

The story unfolds in a cozy apartment where late-night whispers meet early-morning grumbles. The original poster (OP) tries to keep the peace, but his roommate’s rigid sleep schedule sets the stage for conflict. With emotions running high, this scenario pulls readers into the delicate dance of roommate dynamics, where compromise feels like a tightrope walk. Let’s explore the OP’s dilemma and see how Reddit’s community weighs in on this clash of lifestyles.

‘AITA for refusing to comply to my roommate’s request?’

So my roommate (22M) and I (22M) have very different sleep schedules. He likes to go to bed quite early (9 pm) and also wakes up very early. I, on the other hand, usually go to sleep later and also wake up much later. Usually when I'm awake after he has gone to sleep I try to be as quiet as possible. I don't hang around in our shared living room/kitchen and I take showers earlier than I normally would.

However, sometimes I stay out late with my friends (not crazy late, more like 11 PM to 12 AM) and me coming home and opening the door wakes him up. I don't think I'm slamming it or anything but I also obviously can't open it completely silently. So my roommate asked me if I could start coming home before he goes to sleep and I said no.

My friend has also offered that I could come and sleep on his couch if I'm staying out late but I feel like I should be allowed to go to my own home and not bother my friend. I would prefer that my roommate and I got along and he wouldn't view me as the noisy roommate but I also feel like he is being unreasonable. AITA?

Navigating roommate conflicts over sleep schedules can feel like a high-stakes game of whisper-quiet chess. The OP faces a roommate who demands an early curfew, a request that feels more like a parental rule than a fair compromise. Both sides have valid points: the OP values his freedom to socialize late, while his roommate craves uninterrupted sleep. This tension highlights a broader issue—how do you balance individual lifestyles in shared spaces?

The struggle is real, with 68% of renters reporting roommate conflicts over noise or schedules, according to a 2023 Apartment Guide survey (apartmentguide.com). The OP’s efforts to minimize noise show consideration, but the roommate’s 9 PM demand leans controlling. Early risers often assume their routine is superior, creating friction with night owls. This dynamic isn’t just personal—it’s a common cohabitation challenge.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Effective communication in shared living requires mutual flexibility, not ultimatums” (psychologytoday.com) Her insight suggests the roommate’s rigid request overlooks compromise. The OP’s refusal is reasonable, as he’s already adjusting his behavior. Forcing a lifestyle change risks resentment, undermining the relationship.

ADVERTISEMENT

Solutions lie in practical compromises. The roommate could use earplugs or a white noise machine, widely recommended for light sleepers. The OP might consider a softer door-closing technique or texting his roommate before arriving. Open dialogue, perhaps over coffee, could align their expectations, fostering a peaceful home.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back on this one—here’s the tea, served with a side of sass! Check out the top comments from the community:

ADVERTISEMENT

tinny36 − NTA. You pay rent, you can come and go as you please. You're not throwing parties or anything. You can request he keeps his door closed or if he wants, he can wear earplugs. If he wants total silence he should live alone.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If he is that light of a sleeper, he needs to consider his options (white noise, ear plugs, etc) or live alone. Honestly 😂

SpaTowner − INFO: have you tried asking him to stay in his room until you wake up in the morning? Unfortunately people who are early to bed and early to rise often assume a weird sense of moral superiority over people who are awake for exactly the same length of time but later in the day. Such a request might help him realise what an ass he is being.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. 'Try not to make too much noise when you get in' is reasonable. 'Be back home by 9 pm) is not.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Expecting you to be home before 9 is incredibly unreasonable. As long as you do your best to be quiet and aren't stumbling around drunk slamming things, this is his problem to deal with. He needs to try earplugs, a white noise machine, etc.

unjessicabiel_evable − NTA, roommate needs earplugs or a sound machine. Telling you to be home before 9pm is like having a parent with a curfew, forget that.

ADVERTISEMENT

Maestro_Primus − NTA You have a roomate, not a landlord/parent. You pay rent just like he does, so you get to come home when you are ready to come home. As long as you are trying not to be super loud, you are fine.

rmric0 − NTA. It's fine to make reasonable accommodations (like you reduce your noise), but this guy needs to try and find a compromise like ear plugs or a white noise machine.

Fastr77 − NTA. He is being unreasonable. He has a roommate.. he can't expect a silent house all the time. Thats pretty early to go to bed too. You are obviously allowed to live your life and you're trying to be silent. He should get a noise machine, use earplugs.. whatever works for him. Its a him problem tho and he needs to find a way to fix it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ok-Activity-2702 − Absolutely NTA. Your roommate sounds like they have led a very sheltered life but the big wide world isn't a place where you can command a complete absence of noise after you decide to go to sleep. There are social norms that we all generally adhere to and it sounds like you are trying to minimise your noise.

Your roommate has no right to impose his sleep habits on you. He should be learning to cope. Presumably at some point they will have a family - believe me, there's no such thing as absolute silence at night when you have children in the house.

These spicy takes from Reddit are bold, but do they nail the heart of the issue, or are they just fanning the flames?

ADVERTISEMENT

This roommate saga shows how quickly clashing schedules can turn a shared space into a battleground. The OP’s late-night returns and his roommate’s early bedtime highlight the need for compromise in cohabitation. With Reddit siding strongly with the OP, it’s clear that flexibility is key. What would you do if your roommate tried to set a curfew? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar clash, and how did you handle it?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *