AITA for refusing to change the family therapist we see like my wife wants?

In a cozy therapist’s office, a blended family grapples with unspoken dreams and lingering grief. A father, remarried after losing his first wife, watches his 8-year-old son cling to memories of his late mother, resisting his new stepmother’s wish to adopt him. His wife, eager to unify their family, pushes to switch therapists, frustrated by advice to prioritize the children’s pace. The tension simmers, threatening to unravel their fragile harmony.

This story pulses with the raw emotions of blending families—love, loss, and clashing expectations. The father’s refusal to change therapists stems from a gut instinct to protect his son’s healing process. Readers might feel the tug-of-war between honoring a child’s grief and building a new family. When does compromise risk a child’s heart? This tale of loyalty and therapy grips the soul.

‘AITA for refusing to change the family therapist we see like my wife wants?’

My wife and I have been married for two years. I am the father of an 8 year old son and she is the mother of a 6 year old daughter. My first wife passed away two years before I remarried. She had been sick for most of our sons life and I always knew the day would come I would lose her.

I didn't try to rush into another marriage but I found someone who helped make me happy again, and someone who knew the struggles of being a single parent. She was also good with my son and I saw her being a good mom to her daughter.

My son had voiced things when my wife and I got engaged about not wanting her to 'replace mommy' and other terms like that. I asked him why he thought that would happen and he brought up a friend of his in school. We spoke about it, he started seeing a therapist, and he realized my getting married again was not replacing anyone.

It was adding more people to our family. But that it could look like many different things. My wife was aware of all this and never voiced any concerns. After we got married the topic of adopting each other's children came up. My stepdaughter is all for the idea, and was so excited by the idea of me being her dad and my son being her brother.

My son was not for it though. He said he didn't want to be adopted. My wife and I discussed things, we both had concerns (her about the impact on our family and me, that expectations would lead to a lot of drama in our lives) so we decided family therapy could be beneficial.

I was proven right because the expectations we all had were different. My wife wanted to be mom to my son, and for me to be dad to her daughter. I expected to follow the kids' leads with the relationships and was more than happy to respect what each child wanted. My stepdaughter wants a dad and a brother.

My son doesn't want a new mom and wants to be able to use step and not have the family like his friend has. The therapist over the months has said we can't all get what we want, but the kids should be put first, and nothing should be rushed or forced. She suggested I could adopt my stepdaughter and my wife should just try to work on building a relationship with my son.

My wife doesn't believe the therapist is working with the best interest of our family and wants to change. I worry she just wants a therapist who will say my son doesn't know what is best for him and to go ahead with the adoption. She denies this but she doesn't say exactly what isn't working with our current therapist.

So I said no. She's unhappy with this. She told her mom, who told me I should be willing to change when my wife doesn't feel like our therapist is working out. My wife said I am invalidating her this whole process and she doesn't understand why.. AITA?

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Blending families is like weaving a delicate tapestry—every thread matters, especially when grief is involved. The father’s refusal to switch therapists honors his son’s need to process his mother’s death at his own pace. His wife’s push for adoption and a new therapist suggests she’s chasing an idealized family, sidelining the son’s clear boundaries. Her vagueness about the therapist’s “failings” hints at wanting validation, not solutions.

This reflects broader challenges in stepfamilies. A 2022 study from Journal of Marriage and Family shows 55% of step-parents struggle with mismatched expectations, often pressuring children to bond prematurely. The son’s resistance isn’t defiance—it’s loyalty to his late mother, a common response in grieving children, per Child Mind Institute.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, advises in Psychology Today, “Step-parents must meet kids where they are, not where they want them to be.” The therapist’s child-centered approach—suggesting the father adopt his stepdaughter but urging the wife to build trust with the son—is sound. Forcing adoption could deepen the son’s resentment, per American Psychological Association.

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The couple should continue therapy, but the wife might benefit from individual sessions to explore her need for control, as Redditors suggested. Open dialogue about each child’s unique needs can align their goals. The father’s stance protects his son’s emotional safety, inviting readers to reflect on balancing love and patience in blended families.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit gang dove into this family drama like counselors at a conference, tossing out fiery takes and sage advice. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

Short-Classroom2559 − NTA Your wife needs to back the f**k off on this adoption s**t with your son. He's given a valid reason why he doesn't want it. She doesn't care what he wants, she just wants it her way. The therapist isn't the problem. She wants a different one that will try to get your son to go along with her.

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That's such an AH move on her part. She can pick any therapist she wants but I see no reason to yank the entire group of you out of therapy with someone you've already grown comfortable talking to just to appease her. She's being ridiculous.. Edit: thanks for the awards!

inkandpaperbookworm − NTA. Her wanting to be the mom doesn't override him wanting to keep his birth mother as mom. She can act like a mom, and not need papers to justify herself. Respect both kids needs and wants.

HentaiFan5666 − NTA your wife is trying to invalidate your son, she needs to build a relationship, and her mom is an a**hole too

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Gilbert221 − NTA. she has no valid reason for wanting to change therapists. The underlying reason is because of her not getting the results and answers she wants. She wants the family therapist to give her the family she wants. If she truly feels like things aren’t working she should see the family therapist along with one individually. I think your approach of kid oriented is the best way to go.

balancedgray − You are NTA. She wants someone to tell her what she wants to hear. To get past this, you may need to go to another therapist just so that she has her second opinion. You may want to talk to your therapist separately to explain and ask for recommendations regarding another therapist who is skilled in family therapy.. Be sure to let the therapist know about your new concerns that wife can’t compromise well.

Reasonable_racoon − My first wife passed away two years before I remarried. Of course your son has problems, and instead of accepting that he works through this on his own schedule you pathologise his normal feelings and push him into therapy.

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Seriously, you couldn't just wait? Of all the things I see cropping up regularly on this sub the 'My mum died and my dad remarried three months/one year/two years later, step-mother is abusive because I don't call her mom' are among the most messed up posts I ever read on here. Are you trying to f**k up your kid, because this is how you f**k up your kids..

He needs time to grieve and adjust, but your wife is just going to go therapist-shopping to get the result she wants? She's definitely the areshole.. You're NTA for the question asked, but you're still an arsehole for putting your son last.

happybanana134 − ESH. Your wife sucks for trying to push adoption onto your son, so agree, she is the main issue. But you don't get a free pass here - because when it comes down to it, you aren't thinking clearly either.

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All 4 of you want different things. Your son does not want a new mother and sister. Your stepdaughter wants a dad and a brother. Can you not see how this doesn't reconcile? What is the impact on your son if you do adopt your stepdaughter? Your approach of 'let's do what each kid wants' might not be possible.  This isn't about your wife vs your son, it's about all 4 of you wanting different things.

I think adoption should be parked for all kids, personally, until you make some progress. Unfortunately with your wife, if she doesn't like this therapist she is unlikely to get any benefit from these sessions. So whilst I see why you don't want to change therapists, the whole thing will probably become redundant because your wife won't be able to engage and you won't get anywhere anyway.

matthewgrima − NTA She will keep asking to change therapists until one tells her what she wants to hear. And she probably won't find one because the one you're going to is absolutely spot on. If she wants your son to see her as a mum, should act the part, and he might change his mind in the future. Forcing it on him will make him resent her and do exactly the opposite of what he wants.

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Jed08 − You're NTA for taking your son's side. However, in my opinion you're a AH for promising your son your new wife won't replace her mom and never really talked about it with your wife up until in therapy where you realized that your wife wanted to be your son's mom all along.

Despite your speech about this union not being a replacement family but a bigger family, you didn't really think about anything else than yourself. You told your son what he wanted to hear in order to get his approval to marry your wife. Once it became apparent that the situation was not as smooth as possible, your wife started worrying about the impact on the new family, while you worried about the added drama in your life.

Brainjacker − Yep, there it is:. “She told her mom, who told me I should be willing to change” NTA NTA NTA. Anytime someone ropes other people into (non-abusive) personal family matters they’re TA, full stop. Ask your wife why she is insisting on going directly against your son’s explicitly stated wishes. Make her say she doesn’t care about his feelings (if she does, she’ll back off).

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Redditors cheered the father’s stand, slamming the wife’s pushy adoption agenda while urging respect for the son’s grief. Some sniffed out therapist-shopping; others saw deeper family rifts. But do these spicy opinions cut to the core, or just stir the drama? This therapy tussle has everyone buzzing.

This father’s fight to keep a therapist who puts his son first is a testament to honoring a child’s heart. His wife’s rush to reshape their family risks fraying delicate bonds, reminding us that love grows slowly in grief’s shadow. It’s a call to listen deeply in blended families. How would you navigate clashing visions for a family’s future? Share your thoughts below!

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