AITA for Refusing to Change My Birthday Dinner Plans?

A birthday dinner meant to celebrate turned into a family feud when a meat-loving birthday person picked a steakhouse with vegan options, only to face pushback from vegan relatives and a guest craving Mexican. Despite offering a venue with a robust salad bar and vegan dishes, the birthday person’s refusal to budge led to most family members skipping the event, leaving only close kin to dine.

Now, with relatives giving the silent treatment, the birthday celebrant questions their stance. This Reddit tale of dietary divides, family expectations, and personal choice probes the limits of birthday privilege. Was standing firm on the steakhouse selfish, or a fair call for their special day? Let’s carve into this savory family drama.

‘AITA for Refusing to Change My Birthday Dinner Plans?

So it was my birthday recently and any time someone has a birthday, we have a family dinner the week of. I had my family dinner the other night. For some context, there are a couple vegans in my family, and I am a huge meat eater (so much so that there's hardly any veggies in my fridge). I've also eaten vegan dishes on their birthdays before.

For my birthday dinner, I chose this steak house that I love but don't normally go to because it's a bit pricey. It has a huge variety of vegan options as well as a really nice salad bar. Tbh I really would of liked barbeque as well, but figured there's not really meat free options for bbq and I wanted them to at least have some options that weren't meat.

Well I told my parents where I chose so they could let the others know, and pretty much none of them wanted that. Even though it has vegan options, they didn't want somewhere that served mostly meat, and we had someone visiting from out of country who wanted mexican (which we're known for).

Basically almost everyone wanted mexican or something similar with more vegan options, but I really absolutely wanted either steak or bbq. Even though they begged me to change I kept saying sorry I really only want one of these two places. Eventually pretty much everyone decided they didn't want to go if I wasn't going to budge on where we eat, and I ended up only having dinner with my close immediate family.

Now everyone's mad at me for ruining our get together and being unwilling to accommodate them, and none of them will even talk to me. I just absolutely did not want any of the things they wanted and it was my birthday dinner, I don't get to eat out often. AITA for not just going where they wanted?

Birthday traditions often spotlight personal choice, but dietary differences can stir conflict. The birthday person’s steakhouse pick, thoughtfully chosen for its vegan options, aimed to balance their love for meat with family needs. Yet, the family’s insistence on Mexican suggests a lack of mutual compromise.

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Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Food preferences can become identity markers, escalating family tensions.” A 2023 survey found 60% of family gatherings face dietary disputes, often when one side feels their needs are sidelined. The family’s refusal to attend prioritizes their comfort over the celebrant’s day.

This highlights a broader issue: navigating group dynamics with diverse diets. A pre-dinner family chat to align expectations could have helped.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users dished out spicy takes and support for this birthday saga. Here’s what they said:

OldDominionSmoke - NTA...they were asking you to compromise while they were completely unwilling to compromise. You even chose the steakhouse because it had vegan friendly options.

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greenbastardette - NTA, it’s the one time a year you get to do exactly what you want. Your family are a bunch of selfish assholes. This is an easy one!

WebbieVanderquack - NTA. You get to choose. If there were *no* vegan options at all, then sure, compromising would be the right move. But just wanting Mexican isn't a good enough reason to stop the birthday person choosing the restaurant.

It's not like they can't have Mexican literally any other day of the week.. I ended up only having dinner with my close immediate family.. That actually sounds pretty nice.. Happy birthday! (Keep a few veggies in that fridge, though. Gotta look after your colon).

Skyphe - NTA. It's a pretty common rule that the birthday person gets to decide where/what to eat, no matter what. You have some annoying ass vegans in your family it sounds like. Tell them to grow up, it's a restaurant. Who cares if it also serves meat?

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kittenoftheeast - NTA. It's your birthday, your parents came. Your birthday dinner shouldn't be scheduled to suit the needs of random cousins. Moreover, there's nothing stopping them going anytime to the restaurants they want to visit.

cyntrix - NTA. It was your birthday dinner. I could understand if you chose somewhere with literally no vegan options but that is just ridiculous. They may also want to research these Mexican places too.

Where I live very few Mexican places are actually vegan as they all fry their rice and beans in fat and beef oil, which makes it not vegan. There's only one we know of that doesn't do it and I live in a fairly large city known for the diversity of restaurants (largest in KY).

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PatheticMTLGirl43 - NTA and that's coming from a vegan. I haven't ever seen a steakhouse with a huge amount of vegan options but if that's the truly the case I don't see what the issue is. Even if there were only one or two vegan options you still wouldn't be TA. Your birthday your choice. I'm sure you go to vegan restaurants for their birthdays.

sxwrthegamer - “YOUR BIRTHDAY DINNER” NTA.

[Reddit User] - NTA, I feel like as long as there was at least one vegan option they should have just gone. I am vegan and it’s hard to go to dinner parties sometimes but I’ll go anywhere and eat fries and a side salad if it’s someone’s bday who I care about.

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[Reddit User] - INFO. But was the salad bar really a good option for a whole meal? Like, not a vegan myself, but I know they generally don't want to get stuck eating a bowl of lettuce, you know? There's a big difference between 'vegetables exist here' and 'vegans can have a satisfying meal here.'

From cheering the birthday choice to questioning vegan options, these comments fuel the debate. But do they serve up solutions or just add heat?

This tale of a birthday dinner derailed by dietary demands shows how food can fracture family ties. The birthday person’s stand for their steakhouse dream cost them a full gathering but honored their day. Could a family vote or clearer communication have saved the night? What would you do to keep your birthday vibe intact? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this tasty debate sizzling!

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