AITA for refusing to call for pizza and telling my daughter if she wants pizza she can call the place?

Picture a quiet evening at home, where a 15-year-old girl scrolls through her phone, craving a hot pizza but frozen by the thought of making a call. Her dad, out for the night, gets her text pleading for him to order, but he replies with a firm “call it yourself” or eat what’s at home. For this Reddit user, it’s a lesson in independence, but his wife and daughter see it as cold.

When he returns to a storm of anger, the clash over a simple pizza order reveals deeper tensions about anxiety and parenting. This story pulls readers into a debate: is tough love the push a teen needs, or does empathy trump independence?

‘AITA for refusing to call for pizza and telling my daughter if she wants pizza she can call the place?’

My daughter is 15 and stays home by herself sometimes We have a money fund for these days so she can order some food if she doesn’t want to make herself dinner. Really simple. My daughter has anxiety and doesn’t need meds according to her doctors.

She was on the lowest dose and it was way to much for her. Really we work on confidence boasting/ counselor Yesterday my wife and I were not home. My daughter wanted to order some pizza. The place she wanted pizza from only does phone calls for orders.

She texted me and asked me to call the place and make an order. I told her no and she can call them herself. That money is on the table or she can make herself a sandwich for dinner. I came home and my wife/daughter were pissed I didn’t make the call for her. My daughter anxiety made it difficult for her to call.

My wife is upset I don’t help. I think both of them are being over the top. I explained that there was food at home, she could have ordered from somewhere else or just ate at home. They both think I am jerks and I told her she needs to be able to make a phone call or she is going to run into many road blocks. I also pointed out that not everyone has online ordering.

A pizza order might seem trivial, but for this Reddit user’s daughter, it’s a mountain of anxiety. The father’s refusal to call, aiming to foster independence, clashed with his wife’s and daughter’s need for support. It’s a classic parenting dilemma: when to push and when to comfort. The daughter’s anxiety, though not severe enough for medication, clearly shapes her ability to navigate simple tasks.

Dr. John Duffy, a teen anxiety expert, says, “Gradual exposure to feared tasks, with support, builds confidence in anxious teens”. About 30% of teens experience social anxiety, often around phone interactions. The father’s intent to prepare his daughter for adulthood is valid, but his approach—offering no guidance—may have felt like abandonment.

This reflects broader challenges in parenting anxious kids. A gentler push, like practicing the call together, could bridge the gap. The family might set small, achievable goals to boost her confidence.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit served up a spicy mix of support for the dad’s tough love and tips for helping his daughter, with a pinch of humor for flavor. Here’s what they dished out:

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KronkLaSworda - NTA. No therapist worth their pay will tell someone with social anxieties to push any required interactions off to their partner or parent. This was a teachable moment, and a chance to face her fears. It will only get worse if she continues to avoid it.

LittleBillyBumbler - NTA. I know of someone who went to college many states away. She had a lot of anxiety and relied on her parents for everything. When she got to college, she didn't know how her dining dollars worked. She was too scared to go down to the cafeteria and ask someone.

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So she called her mom. Her mom didn't know so she just started ordering her daughter groceries to be delivered to her. Spending more money and enforcing her daughter's need for a social crutch. Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for the world. To make them independent and a functioning member of society.

Your wife is not doing your daughter any favors by treating her like a delicate flower. Also, just a suggestion... If your daughter wants something when you are gone, make her CALL you and not text you. It might help her get over her phone anxiety if she starts by calling people she knows.

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Business-Garbage-370 - No. Part of learning to deal with anxiety is by doing low-pressure things like this. It would have been incredibly anxiety-provoking to call, but she might have felt slightly more comfortable with it once she was able to do it successfully with no negative repercussions. That goes a long way to help rid the “flight” aspect of anxiety.

DietCokeCanz - When I was a little kid like 5 or 6, I really wanted a cookie at the mall. My mom said I could but only if I went up and ordered it myself. I was terrified. I cried. I didn't want to do it. Eventually, my mom convinced me it would be okay. I was shaking when I got to the counter. I got the cookie. It is SO important to teach young people that it is okay to be uncomfortable but try anyways.

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You pushed her out of her comfort zone in a safe way. I think you are NTA (but your wife kind of is for not having your back on this.) Your daughter is going to NEED to be able to talk to strangers in just a few short years. You should probably set some reasonable goals as a family that will help her overcome this anxiety.

RickRussellTX - NTA.. Here's the part I don't quite get.. You gave her options:. * Make the call herself. * Make her own food with ingredients and kitchen facilities freely provided. * Use the same money to do an on-line order. This seems reasonable. She's got a selection, she can choose her level of comfort and make her decision.

She might not get what she wants if she doesn't call the preferred restaurant, but she's not being left hungry, or anything. I get that kids with anxiety might have a rough time of it, but I think the idea here is this is a very low stakes interaction. If she'd prefer to give a live phone call a pass, she can do any of several alternate solutions to get food.

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I was very phone and in-person avoidant when I was a kid. It took going to college and working at an IT phone desk to really get comfortable with in-person & phone interactions. If it had been me when I was young and phone-avoidant, I would have just made my own food.

It's not that hard, and a very minor consequence for choosing the easy path, and I'd never escalate something into an argument just because my anxiety kept me from getting a specific meal. Because I was conflict-avoidant! But your daughter is willing to confront you and call you a 'jerk' over this,

EVEN THOUGH she had several other valid choices? I guess her anxiety doesn't extend to calling her father names? That's some very, umm, 'selective' anxiety right there.. My wife is upset. ... and now we see why daughter feels validated in escalating into a conflict with Dad. Sheesh.

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ktgrok - I won't call to order pizza due to phone anxiety and I'm 48. But I don't ask anyone else to call either, I just find places where I can order online. Or eat what is in the house. Shipt and Doordash are awesome for people with social anxiety!!!!

And before people call me a big baby or say I need to learn to deal with it, I DO deal with it. I call doctors if I have, to, the pharmacy if I have to, etc. Those are draining - like an hour to psych myself up and then am wiped for 30 minutes after. I see ZERO point in wasting 'spoons' on pizza when there are dozens of places that have online ordering.

(I even worked as a receptionist at a vet office for YEARS, so I CAN use the phone, lol. But there is a big difference between being the one in 'power' as the receptionist and the person asking for something or wanting something. I know if you don't have this fear it makes NO sense. But it's a very very common p**bia/anxiety thing.

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FizbansHat - NTA. I specifically have anxiety surrounding these exact social situations. Have I asked and relied on my husband quite a bit? I have. I know her pain. But she is 15. How many years before she wants her own place? How will she feed herself? These skills begin to develop now. It's HARD to get over your fears.

But the answer is not to avoid them, especially when the worst outcome is that (admittedly horrible) feeling of confusing embarrassment. Let her know that like physical exercise, this WILL get easier! She WILL become confidant and eventually be very proud of herself if she overcomes this! Tell her that feeling is the BEST feeling. Good luck op!

Joubachi - I have anxiety (diagnosed, in therapy). NTA BY FAR.... As s**t as it is, exposing and learning by doing is an important step in getting better (obviously together with therapy but it sounds like this is already done). I still ask my mom for help a lot even now that I'm an adult, but I can't *rely* on her.

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she needs to be able to make a phone call or she is going to run into many road blocks. *Absolutely!* And honestly... ordering food is such a 'nice' way to learn because it's not as bad as something actually important such as departments.

pkbab5 - **If you have** previously sat with her while she made phone calls and taught her how to do it, taught her the etiquette, and had her practice in the past with your support, then NTA.

**If you have not** done this, and expected a 15 year old in this day and age who has no idea how to talk on phones because they never have to do it and have never been taught how, then YTA.

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Back when we were kids, we were taught proper phone usage when we were very young children, so to us it seems lazy that a teen won't use the phone. But that's because as adults we don't realize that we never taught our kids when they were young. My own 15 year old pointed this out to me last time I tried to make her call someone and she broke down in tears.

She was like 'I can't, I don't know how!' After I got over my own ego and actually listened to her I told her she was right, and I apologized for getting on to her. Now I make an effort to teach her when it comes up. I had her make a phone call just last night,

but I practiced with her what to say beforehand, and sat with her for moral support and guidance. She forgot 'how are you', but other than that she did pretty good. She was all smiles afterward and so proud of herself. Gave me a voluntary hug before bed even, which if you have a 15 year old, you know how much that means lol.

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Carma56 - NTA. She’s 15, and in just a few years she’ll be an adult. She needs to learn to do these things on her own, anxiety or not.

Reddit’s tossing out advice like pizza dough, but are they cooking up solutions or just adding heat?

This dad’s refusal to order pizza for his anxious daughter has baked a family feud, raising questions about tough love versus empathy. Was he right to push her to face her fears, or did he leave her hungry for support? How would you handle a teen’s anxiety in a low-stakes moment like this? Share your thoughts or experiences—what’s the recipe for balancing independence and care?

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