AITA for refusing to buy SIL a house?

Picture a cozy evening disrupted by a knock at the door, heralding a family storm. A woman, let’s call her Jane, finds herself at the heart of a heated debate, her mother-in-law’s words stinging like a winter chill. Jane’s husband has struck gold with a startup, their dream home rising brick by brick, but now her mother-in-law demands they buy a house for her sister-in-law. The accusation? Jane’s a gold digger, hoarding “her husband’s” wealth.

The tension crackles like a poorly wired lamp. Jane’s cautious approach—suggesting legal advice before diving into a family loan—unleashes a torrent of insults. Readers can’t help but lean in, wondering: is Jane protecting her family’s future, or is she unfairly denying help? The drama unfolds with stakes as high as their new rooftop.

‘AITA for refusing to buy SIL a house?’

A few years ago but husband took on a new job. It was for a small, start up business and he took a massive pay cut to do it because he loved what he was working on. It meant long hours so I willingly took on all the household responsibilities so he could work to the best of his abilities, taken on all the responsibilities with our kids and I also brought some money in with a small side job of my own.

His hard work has paid off for us, this business has taken off and it looks to make a fair bit of money, more than we have ever had and my husband has gotten a substantial pay increase from it, as well as a share of the company and his boss paid him a huge bonus, he also got a few other perks like a company car.

We are currently building our dream home. We were also planning to invest some of the money so we had something aside for our retirement. MIL came to us the other day and told us that SIL needs to move. She is currently renting but the only properties available near her kids school are for sale, not rent.

She said we could afford to buy SIL a new house and have SIL pay off the house to us. Husband was on the fence with the idea, he thinks SIL deserves a break, she has health issues and could use the help but I didn't agree. I said SIL is great and responsible but I don't like making these kind of financial deals with family.

They always go sideways and I'm not 100% on board with with idea I mentioned before we do anything, I'd like to contact our accountant and lawyer, so we can see any issues that may arise from an arrangement like this. It will also mean that our investment idea won't be able to happen.

MIL freaked out at me and told me that it's husbands money, not mine and I'm just being a gold digger. I have no rights to any of it and husband can spend it any way he wants, I have no say. She said my husband worked hard for this bonus, not me. Apparently she always thought I was money hungry and this money is allowing my true colours to show.

SIL needs help and he should help family. She told me I'm a greedy a**hole that only cares about money. Once she left she texted my husband he needs to consider a divorce because I'll keep a tight leash on money that is rightfully his and won't let him spend it how he sees fit, she also said he needs to get a good family lawyer to take the kids away from me or I'll use that as leverage to take more of his money.

I also feel I need to add that when I met my husband he had a retail job, which he quit and I supported him while he finished his education. I supported him when he had a crappy job when his boss paid him nothing. It's never been about money for me, but now we have it.. I just want to be careful.. AITA??

ADVERTISEMENT

Family financial disputes can ignite like dry tinder, and Jane’s situation is no exception. Caught between generosity and self-preservation, she faces a classic dilemma. Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes in a 2023 Forbes article, “Money decisions within families often reflect deeper power dynamics and unspoken expectations”. Here, the MIL’s accusations seem to mask her desire to control her son’s newfound wealth.

Jane’s hesitation isn’t greed—it’s prudence. Lending to family can sour relationships, with 37% of such loans leading to conflict, per a 2022 LendingTree survey. Her instinct to consult professionals highlights a commitment to fairness, balancing empathy for her SIL’s health struggles with her family’s financial security.

ADVERTISEMENT

The MIL’s gold-digger jab? Pure projection. Jane’s history of supporting her husband through lean years screams loyalty, not opportunism. The broader issue here is boundary-setting in blended families, where entitlement can creep in like uninvited guests. Jane’s not wrong to prioritize her nuclear family’s stability.

For Jane, a compromise could work: gifting a down payment, as one commenter suggested, avoids the pitfalls of a loan. Consulting a lawyer ensures clarity, preserving family ties without risking their nest egg. Open dialogue with her husband is key—his silence in the story raises eyebrows.

ADVERTISEMENT

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

GothPenguin − NTA-It’s not about money. It’s about control. MIL wants to control his money and actions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Status-Pattern7539 − There’s definitely a gold digger in this story and it’s not you. NTA .

Kari-kateora − NTA. Your MIL is the real gold digger here and is projecting that onto you.. 'Don't you dare tell my son what to do with HIS money!!!!'. 'Buy your sister a house!!!'

[Reddit User] − NTA. And your husband needs to defend you and put her back in her place ASAP. You are correct in getting your financial house in order first before anyone else. And I also agree with the never enter into loans or money deals with friends or family. Too much drama follows.

ADVERTISEMENT

Potential_Speech_703 − NTA. Why should SIL get a house..?. Sounds like MIL and SIL are the golddiggers here.. I also would never do these kind of financial deals with family.

ComprehensiveSir3892 − NTA.. 'gold-digger'?! WHO is asking for money, having done NOTHING for it (raising husband doesn't count, that was her JOB)?!? YOU were the one supporting your household while seeing if husband's (informed) big bet paid off.

Mother needs to put her OWN money up for SIL, or let SIL and grandkids live in HER house....which is, of course, what she's trying to avoid by spending her son and YOUR money. A little NC is in order until MIL comes to her senses and she accepts that if she hadn't f**ked up in raising SIL, she wouldn't be on the hook for raising SIL's \*children\*.

ADVERTISEMENT

oooooooooowie − So let me get this straight. Your MIL asked for a massive loan for your SIL. You counter by saying that it's a possibility but you'd want things to be airtight to protect yourselves.. and apparently that makes you money hungry? NTA in any way shape or form. Your MTA is though, a massive one.

Monicawroteitbetter − NTA. But the important question is: What did your husband tell his mother??

GannyHams − NTA. do not buy a house 'for' somebody else unless you are 100% okay with paying off the debt in its entirely, because you and your husband will be the only ones on the hook for the actual loan. what happens if your SIL just decides to stop paying you someday? you have no recourse! you can boot them and rent it to somebody else, but you will always have the debt.

ADVERTISEMENT

Help24-7 − NTA...but It is your money as well..... Talk to your accountant and attorney about the situation and see what they say...Also I would revisit will/trust/estate that you guys have in place--- because if anything happens to your husband first... I can see your MIL coming after you and your kids. Keep that s**t updated as your finances change.. Info need OP🛑🛑

You left out your husband's reaction to all this. And why hadn' the SIL talked to you guys directly. Is she aware of what their Mom said and is doing as well?? Also don't pay for a loan or buy her the house If you decide to help. GIFT HER a hefty down payment for the home (also cover the taxes for the gift+-talk yo your attorneys and relator about this).

Let Her get the loan herself and make those payments ( which can be significantly reduced by that hefty down payment I talked about). That way you're helping but your responsible for the full amount and she won't feel burden to you and MIL can't drag you into some mess.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit gems are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just fanning the drama flames?

Jane’s saga is a masterclass in navigating family and finance with a cool head. Her story leaves us pondering: where’s the line between helping family and protecting your own? Readers, what would you do if your in-laws demanded a chunk of your hard-earned cash? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family showdown?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *