AITA for refusing to buy my wife a “push present”?

After 17 years together and 9 years of marriage, a long-established approach to gift-giving has become a bone of contention between this couple. The husband explains that they never did gifts during their early, broke college years, and even now, they only purchase what is truly needed. So when his wife brings up the idea of a “push present”—a gift typically given by a husband to his wife after childbirth—he finds himself at a loss.

To him, this commercialized practice feels out of step with their shared history and values. Instead of a meaningful token of love, it seems like an obligation to spend money on something that feels more like keeping up with trends than celebrating their personal journey. This post explores whether refusing to buy a push present makes him the asshole, or if he’s justified in sticking to their long-held approach.

‘AITA for refusing to buy my wife a “push present”?’

Relationship expert Dr. Julia Harmon explains, “In long-term partnerships, traditions can evolve, but they should always reflect the values and mutual agreements of the couple.” She notes that while push presents can be a heartfelt gesture for some, they can also feel like an imposition when they clash with previously established norms.

“If both partners have agreed over the years to forgo material gifts in favor of practical, necessary purchases, then insisting on a push present can create unnecessary tension,” Dr. Harmon adds. She recommends that couples discuss these evolving expectations openly. “It might help to explore alternative ways to commemorate a major life event that aligns with your shared values—perhaps a special outing or an experience rather than a material gift.”

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community is split on this issue. Several commenters argue that a push present is simply a modern trend and not a requirement, emphasizing that if a couple has never engaged in frivolous gift-giving, there’s no need to change that dynamic. Many suggest that the wife’s request, while understandable, might stem from societal pressures rather than a genuine need for material recognition.

On the other hand, some voices in the community believe that acknowledging the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy with a small gift can be a thoughtful gesture. However, a common theme among the responses is that any gift should feel genuine and not simply be about keeping up with external trends.

The consensus leans towards supporting the husband’s perspective if the couple had already agreed to a no-gift policy, while also suggesting that the couple could find a compromise that feels authentic to both.

At the heart of this debate is the challenge of balancing long-held personal values with evolving cultural trends. Should a couple honor a tradition that never really belonged to them, or can they redefine what it means to celebrate such milestones? Is it unreasonable for one partner to resist a push present if it conflicts with their shared history of non-materialistic celebrations?

We invite you to share your experiences and perspectives. Have you navigated similar dilemmas in your relationship? How do you maintain your shared values while adapting to societal expectations? Let’s discuss how couples can stay true to their unique traditions while still celebrating life’s important moments in meaningful ways.