AITA for refusing to be present at my sister’s birth?

In a warm suburban home, a young woman braces herself as her sister, Liv, plans a home birth with family by her side. The idea of witnessing childbirth, raw and intense, stirs unease in her, haunted by a traumatic memory of their mother’s labor video.

Her refusal to join Liv’s birthing circle ignites family tension, leaving her torn between guilt and self-preservation. Can she stand firm, or is she wrong to prioritize her comfort? This Reddit tale dives into boundaries and family expectations.

‘AITA for refusing to be present at my sister’s birth?’

I (21F) have a sister (27F, Liv) who will be giving birth in a couple weeks I guess and she's doing a home birth. She has made elaborate plans for her labour and is excited for the process, I'm also excited for her too but honestly it seems a little scary to me. I've unfortunately seen my mom's labour footage, it was not a good experience () I was legit traumatised.

Now the thing is that Liv wants to be surrounded by family while labouring. By family I mean; her husband and a few female family members from both sides. Her SIL is coming and from our side, mom will be there. When the conversation came up the other day, she totally just casually said that we'll get her through it.

I told her that I was not going to be there because I'm not sure if I would be able to stay calm seeing her agitated and ofcourse witnessing the bloody miracle of birth. She was surprised that I was saying such a thing. I tried to reason with her and said that I'll support her in every other way, like cooking or cleaning her house but I just don't want to be there when she's all screaming and the baby's coming out.

She got super angry, and lectured me on how I was ruining her perfect labour plan and then mom also got on my back that I was being squeamish for no reason. Liv then got super emotional and mom tried to calm her down and gestured for me to leave which I did.

I understand that Liv is emotional ofcourse because she's just about to give birth but i really don't think I'll be a stable person during that process, it's better that I come after. I have no problem in taking care of her and ofcourse I'll love the baby so much after its born. But I just can't stop feeling so guilty for saying no to Liv and ofcourse she became quite stressed because of my refusal.. So reddit, AITA?

Liv’s dream of a family-filled home birth is bold, but her sister’s refusal underscores a clash of boundaries. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman states, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect for individual limits” . The sister’s past trauma from birth footage justifies her hesitation, a valid emotional boundary Liv overlooks.

This reflects a wider issue: family pressure to conform. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology notes 68% of young adults feel obligated to meet family demands . Liv’s emotional reaction dismisses her sister’s needs, escalating tension.

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Gottman’s advice highlights clear communication. The sister’s offer to help with chores shows support without compromising her comfort. Liv could embrace flexibility to ease strain. Readers, have you faced similar family pressures? Share below.

For Liv, adjusting expectations could help. The sister might reinforce support post-birth, like organizing meals. Open, empathetic dialogue could mend this rift while respecting both sisters’ needs.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s hive mind brought humor and insight, dubbing Liv a “Preggozilla” and backing the sister’s choice. Here’s what they said:

Locksmith91 - NTA Your sister seems to not understand the difference between an invitation and a summons.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. If her “perfect labor plan” can’t accommodate one person who isn’t the midwife or even the father being absent, I shudder to think how she’s going to handle it if there *are* complications or the baby just comes too darn fast to gather everyone.

refill_lady - Tell me your sister lives to be the centre of attention without telling me she lives to be the centre of attention.. NTA. Sorry you have to deal with your mom having made her the Golden Child

Remote-Equipment-340 - Does she has an emergency plan included in her 'perfect plan'? It sounds like she expects the ideal process, but is taking the risk that the child will die or be mentally disabled. Just to be honest. With no emergency room near by and no theater for c section, she is taking an incredible risk (there are sooo many possibilities of stuff going wrong.

From the babies getting stuck, to not enough contractions, to cord around her neck, to not enough O2.) I wouldnt want to be there and support this irresponsibility in your position. I mean it could go totally wrong and you would witness how your sister and her child dies and you can do NOTHING to save her...

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[Reddit User] - NTA - I think a lot of people don’t realize that just because you’re giving birth “your way” doesn’t mean you get to dictate who has to be there. If you’re not comfortable being there, then that’s it’s.

Sure it’s nice to have your brother/sister there mom/dad and partner but not everyone can deal with the blood and situation. My brother can’t see blood or he’ll pass out so he wasn’t there at the birth of his daughter, in the room, but she had plenty of support and understood his situation and wasn’t upset by it

CauliflowerKlutzy189 - NTA. Birth plan... chuckle. Perfect Birth plan ... chuckle and a shake of the head. Ruination of The Perfect Birth Plan ... Hahahahaah hahaha haha stop it really.. hahahaha oh bless her theatrical heart.

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invomitous-rex - NTA!! Damn girl who the hell wants a room full of people in the room when they’re squeezing a baby out? I barely even wanted to be there when I was giving birth to my own son! Childbirth can be gnarly AF and I find it hilarious that your sister has this elaborate plan for her “perfect birth” cause 50 bucks says she barely remembers half of it anyway. Your sister is being a total wacko about this.

[Reddit User] - NTA of course. She doesn't get to force other people to participate in her labour.

7dayweekendgirl - NTA I have a friend who passed out during his wife giving birth and cracked his head open on the floor. He spent the next 90 minutes in the ER getting stitched up. Don't do this. Listen to your inner voice.

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StangF150 - NTA OP was your Sister this much a Bridezilla for her wedding as she seems to be a Preggozilla??

These fiery Reddit takes champion personal comfort, but do they oversimplify family dynamics?

This story of clashing expectations reveals how fast family ties can strain when boundaries collide. The sister’s guilt is real, but so is her right to her limits. Liv’s dream is valid, yet risks alienating loved ones. What would you do caught between duty and comfort? Share your thoughts below!

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