AITA for refusing to be in the delivery room when my wife delivers?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The hospital waiting room felt like a pressure cooker when Mark, a 30-year-old husband, faced a gut-wrenching dilemma. His wife, six months pregnant, dropped a bombshell: the baby wasn’t his. Heartbroken but resolute, Mark agreed to support her through the pregnancy but drew a firm line at being in the delivery room. Her parents’ furious calls branded him cruel, but Mark stood his ground, his trust shattered. The air buzzed with tension, and Reddit became the stage for his raw confession.

This story of betrayal and boundaries tugs at the heartstrings, pulling readers into a messy tangle of love, loyalty, and personal limits. Was Mark wrong to step back from a moment most husbands cherish, or was his refusal a justified act of self-preservation? Let’s unravel this emotional rollercoaster with a dash of wit and a lot of heart.

‘AITA for refusing to be in the delivery room when my wife delivers?’

I know the title sounds bad , but it is not what it is. I(30) have been married to my wife(29) for 3 years . She got pregnant in January this year and i was overjoyed . But one day she struck with the bombshell that the child wasn't mine . I was shattered .

By then she was 6 months into the pregnancy and i did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce . It seemed that the baby's father ran for it when he heard my wife was pregnant . I did tell her that I would be filling for divorce once she gives birth to baby and made it clear that our relationship wasn't salvageable

She agreed and i told her she'd have to move out once the lease expires in January . She tells me that she is still in love with me and that our relationship could be healed once again . I told her no and she left it at that. We have been sleeping in separate room ever since and I help with her delivery related treatment and visits to the hospital.

Now again a few days back she asks me to be with her in the delivery room once she delivers as she wants me to be a support for her .I once again declined and told her that she could ask her mother to be in the room to take care of her and not to ask me to be with her in the delivery room .

She went on to tell this to her parents and they have been messaging and calling me trying to change my mind and even went on to call me cruel. AITA for refusing to be in the delivery room?

Edit: After reading your comments , I've decided to consult a lawyer and file for divorce immediately . Also planning on talking to her parents about taking her in and taking care of her stay at hospital.

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Mark’s refusal to stand by his wife in the delivery room is a raw reflection of a trust demolished by infidelity. It’s like trying to rebuild a house after an earthquake—possible, but not without serious effort. His wife’s plea for support, while understandable, ignores the deep wound her betrayal caused. Her parents’ accusations add fuel to an already blazing fire, pressuring Mark to play a role he’s emotionally unprepared for.

This scenario highlights the broader issue of navigating infidelity in marriage. A 2023 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family (Journal of Marriage and Family) found that 20% of marriages face infidelity, often leading to irreparable trust issues. Mark’s decision to divorce post-birth is a clear boundary, but his continued support during pregnancy shows compassion, not obligation.

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Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, wrote, “Trust is the foundation of intimacy; once broken, it requires mutual effort to rebuild” (Not Just Friends). Mark’s wife’s hope for reconciliation seems one-sided, ignoring his pain. His refusal to be in the delivery room protects his emotional health, especially since the child isn’t his. Legally, Mark must act fast—many jurisdictions presume a husband as the father, risking child support obligations (Family Law).

Mark should consult a lawyer immediately to clarify paternity and expedite the divorce, as Reddit users suggested. He could also communicate calmly with her parents, explaining his stance without escalating conflict.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit didn’t hold back, diving into Mark’s story with a mix of fist bumps and legal warnings. It’s like a virtual courtroom where everyone’s got an opinion and a gavel. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

wildferalfun − NTA. PLEASE get a lawyer in case you are in a jurisdiction that automatically assumes paternity of a child born within a marriage so that you can ensure you are not fighting an uphill battle to not be legally responsible for a child that is not yours. Even if you don't change the living situation, make sure you are protected.

ripecantaloupe − NTA. Her parents and your wife are hoping that you bond with this baby even though it’s not yours and thus won’t divorce her. It’s a manipulation tactic.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Since divorce is on the to-do list i would say it’s appropriate for you to stop going to these appointments as well. If you don’t want to be involved with this child or rebuild your marriage then you have to remove yourself from that situation.

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Otherwise you may be on the hook for additional support/child support for a child that isn’t yours. They will argue that you showed an interest and provided emotional support. Did you get a DNA test done, or is the assumption the child isn’t yours based on your wife cheating?

If you have DNA proof the child isn’t yours you should be taking concrete steps to separate yourself from the situation. Since she’ll have an additional mouth to feed i would argue that you should offer to leave the apartment to her. That will give you the opportunity to try and recover and move on in a new space that holds no reminders of her or her betrayal.

Hoviosant − NTA. Its not your child and you dont have to be there end of really. My cousin spent thousands of pounds and watched his son be born to find out in the end wasnt even his. Glad that didnt happen to you but still sorry this is happening for you. Be there for yourself and do whats right for you! Take care!

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[Reddit User] − NTA - Nope. Also do the parents realize its not your kid coming out?

[Reddit User] − NTA - speak to a family law attorney immediately. You will likely be the legal presumptive father of the child because you are still married and may have limited time to disclaim that before you end up on the hook for the child.. And of course you have no moral obligation to support her through a pregnancy when you’re not the father

WebbieVanderquack − NTA, but I'm puzzled about why you 'did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce' when you found out you weren't the father, but you're happy to do so 'once she gives birth to baby.'

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It's going to be even harder to throw her out when she's recuperating and trying to take care of a newborn baby. I'm not saying it's in any way your problem, I'm just warning you that she may be with you longer than you've planned for.

ollyator − NTA. Did she also tell her parents that it’s not your kid and they’ll you’ll be divorced shortly? You’re doing the right thing, she might be hoping that once you see the baby that everything will magically be healed and you’ll be it’s father or that she can convince you to accept the child as you own to stick with child support.

Smitty1216 − NTA also get a lawyer ASAP there are some places where the automatic assumption is husband = father and you could end up owing child support for this kid.

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jdinpjs − NTA, but you might want to consider rushing that divorce along. In some states, any child born to a married couple is presumed to be a product of the marriage, meaning you’ll be on the hook for child support.

These Redditors rallied behind Mark, urging legal protection and emotional distance, though some questioned his delay in divorcing. Their takes are bold, but do they capture the full weight of Mark’s pain, or are they just adding heat to the fire?

Mark’s story is a gut-punch, blending heartbreak with the courage to set boundaries. His wife’s infidelity shattered their marriage, and his refusal to be in the delivery room is less about cruelty and more about self-preservation. This saga reminds us that trust, once broken, demands clear lines and honest communication to move forward. How would you handle the pressure of supporting a partner through a pregnancy that isn’t yours? Drop your thoughts below and join the conversation!

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