AITA for refusing to bake my brother’s wedding cake as he wants to vlog it for his youtube channel?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A kitchen bathed in the soft glow of morning light, flour dusting the counter like fresh snow, and the hum of a mixer ready to craft a wedding masterpiece—sounds idyllic, right? But for one woman, this scene turned sour when her brother’s YouTube ambitions crashed her baking plans. Tasked with creating his wedding cake, she faced a bombshell: he wanted her every move vlogged for his fanbase, no questions asked. Caught between family duty and personal boundaries, her refusal sparked a firestorm.

The drama unfolds as her brother, a YouTuber with a loyal following, prioritizes clicks over courtesy, leaving her kitchen a battleground of egos. With the wedding days away and family piling on the guilt, readers can’t help but wonder: was she wrong to pull the plug? This tale of cake, cameras, and clashing priorities hooks us into a modern family feud.

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‘AITA for refusing to bake my brother’s wedding cake as he wants to vlog it for his youtube channel?’

He has a youtube channel. He and his soon-to-be-wife have vlogged their entire relationship and he has a pretty dedicated fanbase. Now they're planning their wedding. They asked me to make the cake, which I can do as I'm a good baker (not professional now but I used to work in a bakery) and I agreed to it months ago, when they first asked.

The wedding is this weekend so I'm putting everything together in the next couple days. My brother videocalled me earlier to go over the cake and make sure it was exactly right, and then right at the end of the call he says something along the lines of 'alright then so I'll send \[his friend who does his tech stuff\] to your place tomorrow to film the first stages, he'll be by about 8.

And you can work out the rest of the week with him then'. I ask what he means by that and he says it's for the vlog. I say I'm not having a guy come to my house and film me, my brother asks why not, and I say because it's weird and I don't like it and because I have a toddler and husband wandering around.

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And my brother says it's part of the whole wedding process and that it's the sole reason he asked me to do it, because fans will react well to seeing his sister make his wedding cake. Not because he personally wanted me to do it, but because of how it'll poll with his 'fans'.

He actually said that 'I wanted to get one from \[local bakery\] but the viewers will love this and you're doing it for free' and said that there was 'no point' in asking me if I wouldn't consent to being filmed. Seeing he had an attitude over me baking his wedding cake for him, I told him that he could bake his own cake and film that, but I'm out.

He texted me apologising, saying he was stressed because he's getting married in like 4 days and he knows he shouldn't have talked to me like that, but he was really hoping I'd still make the cake for him. I felt like his apology was b**lshit so I said that I don't really want to make this cake anymore because he'd been such a d**k about it.

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And he called me a 'b**ch' for backing out and for making a fuss over being filmed and went off about how he never asks me for anything and the one time he does ask I bailed at the last minute. I've now got mum, dad, my brother, and my soon-to-be-sister-in-law complaining, saying that I should just agree to being filmed,

and that even if I didn't want to be filmed, I should at least make the cake, as there's now no way they'll be able to get a new cake in time. My husband is on my side, but I do feel guilty, and in my experience if everyone but you (and your husband) thinks you're the arsehole, you probably are.. AITA?

This story is a classic case of family favors gone awry, tangled in the web of social media fame. The sister’s refusal to be filmed highlights a deeper issue: the right to privacy in an era where every moment is content. Dr. Pamela Rutledge, a media psychologist, notes, “Social media can blur boundaries, turning personal interactions into public performances” (source: Psychology Today). Her insight rings true here—the brother’s focus on his audience sidelined his sister’s comfort.

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The OP’s discomfort stems from her brother’s bait-and-switch. He framed the cake as a personal request, only to reveal it as a stunt for views. This betrayal stings, especially since he admitted a local bakery was his first choice. Meanwhile, his insistence on filming disregards her life—a toddler, a husband, a private home. It’s a power move, not a brotherly ask.

This taps into a broader issue: the pressure to perform for social media. A 2023 study found 68% of Gen Z feel obligated to share personal moments online (source: Pew Research Center). The brother’s entitlement reflects this trend, treating his sister as a prop. Dr. Rutledge’s advice—set clear boundaries early—applies here. The OP could have negotiated terms upfront, like filming only the cake, not her face.

For solutions, communication is key. The OP might consider making the cake as a goodwill gesture, but only if filming is off the table. Alternatively, she could offer a compromise, like her husband filming a faceless clip.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. He should have been honest from the get go.. You don’t have to be filmed in the privacy of your own home if you don’t want to. And if he’s so certain that it will poll with his fan base, he should’ve offered to pay you for your consent to be video taped months ago.

round_robin959903 − NTA. If he really wanted it for the vlog then he should have been up front about it. Him trying to be sneaky like that and then to dig in that it’s only for the vlog and his so called “fame” is gross.

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Also, for some things you have to have written consent from people for them to be on videos. I don’t know if that counts but he’s still the AH. And anyone else who is yelling T you can be the one to bake the cake on film instead. Otherwise they need to shut up.

blorppod − NTA - f**k that guy. I’m a little pissed off for you because WTF did he expect? I mean, you’re supposed to buy the supplies and bake the cake for free, and then have a videographer up in your business and home the whole time? F**k. That.

BeccaTRS − NTA - he didn't tell you he wanted it recorded until one week before the wedding and then acted like a child when you said no. He did this to himself, not you. If he was sincere in his apology, I might say do it anyway, but he wasn't.

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MalarkoSparko − NTA. I guess your brother figured you'd object to being filmed otherwise he would have made that clear from the start. He sounds selfish and entitled, as does your sis-in-law by complaining.

Your parents probably just want to keep the peace, and pressuring you is the easiest path to that end. If you want to be an epic AH, agree to make the cake and be filmed... Then, on the day of, break out your box of Betty Crocker cake mix and get to baking!

[Reddit User] − NTA. He told you he wanted to film you last minute - you said no to filming you - he’s being the AH trying to push your boundaries and not caring about your comfort. As it’s quite short notice, it would be good of you to just make the wedding cake, as he’s unlikely to be able to get another.

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It will be so stressful for them to try to get another cake. Stick to your boundaries of not wanting to be filmed. Maybe your husband could film a bit of the construction of the cake, without your face in the video, on his phone though - would that be ok for you? Don’t do any more favours for him in the future - beggars can’t be choosers here.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He should have stated from the first moment that he wanted to vlog this so you could choose. It’s honestly a s**tty move from his side to have told you this close to the wedding, because that could have manipulated you into agreeing into something you weren’t comfortable. He can f**k off and buy a store cake.

Arob66 − NTA There is a reason that producers and directors have people sign a release before they appear in anything. It's because some people don't want to be filmed. Your brother should have been honest about his plans before including you. As it is, you were doing a very thoughtful thing for him and he wanted more.

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I don't know where you are, but in my country, wedding cakes are expensive, and they aren't all made with love. If you decide to make the cake, make sure he understands that you are doing it because you wouldn't be happy not keeping your word and not because his bad behavior should be rewarded.

LAKingsofMetal − Info - did he tell you about the filming when he first asked you? And after he apologized and asked you to still bake it, did he agree to no filming?

lightwoodorchestra − Man, this was a wild ride. You're NTA. Like...all he had to do was say 'oh, my bad I should have asked about the filming, no worries, we won't film it and the cake will be amazing!' and all would have been well. It would have been super gracious of you to accept his apology and still bake the cake given the time frame,

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but as he immediately lashed out again when you didn't, it's clear the whole apology was just a manipulative pile of s**t. You agreed to the very big favor of baking the cake, you were under no obligation to commit to the video. And wtf does he think will happen that's so terrible if he fails to get video of the cake being made?

These opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Is the brother’s YouTube dream worth trampling his sister’s boundaries?

This cake-baking saga leaves us with a bitter taste—family loyalty shouldn’t mean sacrificing personal comfort. The sister’s stand was bold, but was it fair to leave the wedding cakeless? Share your thoughts: would you bake the cake or tell the YouTuber to hit the bakery? What’s your go-to move when family favors come with strings?

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