AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?

Picture a cozy living room turned chaotic daycare, where a 29-year-old aunt wrangles her nephews while their mom’s away—again. She’s been their superhero, clocking 20 hours a week unpaid, but the joy’s fading fast. Her sister’s guilt trips, like voice messages of crying kids, pile on the pressure, and sneaky extra chores feel like petty revenge. Last night, she snapped, demanding boundaries or bucks, only to be met with a dial tone.

Now, heart pounding, she’s staring at a silent phone, fearing she’s lost her only family. Was her stand a bold move or a bridge too far? Readers, settle in for a tale of love, limits, and family fallout—where’s the line when helping hurts?

‘AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?’

I'm 29 f, child free by choice. My sister C is 27 f, has two boys ages 3,5 and 2. We live close to each other and I've been in their lives since the beginning. We are each other's only family, we come from a broken and dysfunctional family. I love the boys but they are a lot of work, especially on top of my own career in social work and my personal reasons for not wanting kids of my own.

I watch them/ help out/ babysit probably 10-20 hours a week currently, and it's getting exhausting. The times I've been needed have slowly increased and over the last seven-ish months it's been like this. At first it was C looking for a part time job, going to mandated courses to get unemployment, occasional movie nights with friends etc which I was ok with.

Now I spend most of my free time at their house. Lately the cause has been that her best friend's mom is dying and C needs to be there. She's a single mom and I get that it's hard, but recently I feel like she's using me and I rarely see my fiance as we both work shifts that change all the time.

Sometimes when she's asked me to watch them and I've had some other plans, C sends me a voice message of the boys crying, missing me, guilt tripping me, saying it's such a shame I care more about myself than them. Telling me she would ask someone else if she had anyone else to ask.

Saying really mean things about me being selfish for wanting to enjoy date night when she has to choose between her kids and her best friend's dying mom. I could handle if that's all it was but now it's also affecting the next time we meet.

When I get there, the house is a mess, there's nothing to eat and they

The first time this happened I assumed she'd be grateful I helped where I could but it wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have time to do everything. I was quickly proven wrong. Before she got home she casually asked if I had done the extra things and when I hadn't (not all anyway), she

This happened a few times and I'm ashamed to admit it took me too long to understand what was happening. I was just glad she was updating me on her estimated arrival timr, she usually never did that. Another thing she does for revenge (I feel like, could be my exhausted interpretation) is not prepare meals for the kids, or even leave money.

When I go to the store she promises to pay me back but, you guessed it, tries to guilt me into saying she doesn't have to pay. She's also not kept her word about some things she'd promised, saying she doesn't want to do things for me if I can't help her with the boys. The excuses and backtracking on stuff start immediately if I don't do exactly what she wants.

The latest example: I asked to borrow a dress for a wedding because I didn't want to buy one and we had always borrowed each other's clothes, and she agreed. Four days before the wedding I couldn't show up as fast as she wanted on a short notice so she said I could forget about borrowing the dress, she'd forgotten she'd need it herself.

I had to panic buy one. Last month she promised to pick me up after leaving my car for some maintenance and she didn't show up, I was stranded. Took her 2,5 hours to answer her phone and get there. She also had the audacity to huff and puff about how inconvenient it was she had to drive me.

Sorry this is so long, but it's been mind blowing writing this all down and seeing what I'm putting up with, I'm such a doormat. So yesterday I told her I couldn't come today when she called

I told her to shut up and listen. If she thought I was that horrible of a human and so selfish, she had two options. Either stop relying on me so much and letting her kids be exposed to my selfishness, or I'll really start being selfish and will not watch them free of charge ever again, never do anything extra without being compensated.

She hung up without saying anything. After I had stopped shaking (I hate confrontation as you can imagine) I started to really panic as I feel like I just lost my last remaining family member. My fiance said it was long time coming and I should've stood up for myself ages ago, but he's biased as he loves me.

I don't really have time for proper friends outside work colleagues so I don't know who else to ask if I made the biggest mistake of my life? What if I don't see my nephews again? What if I had just done it a bit longer and she'd eased a bit? 

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Family ties can tangle like headphone cords, and this aunt’s story proves it. She’s poured 10-20 hours weekly into free babysitting for her sister’s boys, but the load—plus guilt trips and sneaky chores—has her at breaking point. Her sister’s tactics, like sending crying voicemails or “forgetting” food, scream manipulation. Snapping to demand boundaries or payment was raw, but the sister’s hang-up left wounds open.

The aunt’s love for her nephews shines, but her sister’s leaning too hard, exploiting their bond. Single motherhood’s tough, yet weaponizing kids’ tears crosses lines. The aunt’s career and fiancé time are crumbling, and those “revenge” tasks—like leaving a messy house—feel calculated. She’s not a doormat; she’s human.

This echoes a wider issue: family caregiving strain. A 2021 AARP study found 53% of unpaid family caregivers feel overwhelmed, risking burnout. Therapist Lori Gottlieb advises, “Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors to healthier relationships.” The aunt’s outburst was a door—she’s asking for respect, not rejection.

What now? She could text a calm follow-up, offering limited hours (say, 4 weekly) with clear rules: meals prepped, no extras. If guilt trips persist, a timeout’s fair. Readers, how do you balance family help with self-care? Share below.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit lit up like a campfire for this one, with takes hotter than a summer sizzle. Here’s what folks tossed into the mix:

ASOT-1 − You lost an abuser, not a family member. This is an abusive relationship and she uses ever tool of an abuser to control you and your behavior.. What she has been doing to you is verbal, psychological and financial abuse.. It is beyond messed up and isn't love. Please set your hard boundaries and stand by them. She needs the reality check and you deserve not to be used and abused.. Block her so you don't go back.. Edit:NTA

IcyWorldliness9111 − You know that not seeing your nephews again is NEVER going to happen. Your selfish sister has been taking advantage of you for too long, and to her, your standing up for yourself is just a temporary setback in her manipulations.

The only way her behavior is going to change is when yours changes. You need to set some clear boundaries and follow them with solid expectations of how you expect her to treat you. For example, guilt tripping, name calling, accusations, etc. are to end .

If she tries any of these manipulative tactics, there will be clear consequences. And you need to follow through. If you tell her you can’t babysit and she starts the guilt, you tell her something like no babysitting for a month because of her behavior.

Altering your behavior is the only way you can change hers. Oh, and all those times she needs to comfort her “friend” with the dying mother—you realize those are just bs. She wants free from kids time and is just trying to play on your empathy. Your sister is a class A a**hole!

FordWarrier − NTA Your sister is blackmailing you into doing her bidding, babysitting her kids without giving anything back. Shut it down. Ten to twenty hours a week is a lot, especially when you have your own work to focus on. She’ll be mad for a while but she’ll be back; probably unapologetic but she’ll be back.

Especially if her kids are crying for you and she actually has to take care of them. When she does, establish some hard ground rules. She either feeds her kids ahead of time, leaves food available or she leaves money to buy takeout. No exceptions.

She bathes her kids before you get there and you will not be cleaning her house. No exceptions. Be kind; she gets 2-4 hours a week of free babysitting but that’s it. The first time she blows past it, no babysitting for a minimum of two weeks.

If she calls you selfish even once for having something else to do, it’s a 30 day time out. If you don’t stand up to her it will never end. You’ll be dealing with this until her kids are grown. As Redditers say; polish up your shiny spine.

BeeEnvironmental6299 − Your sister is manipulating you and using your nephews as weapons. You need to step back and stop putting up with her nonsense. Focus on yourself and your fiancé.

[Reddit User] − Not your kids not your problem

BaffledMum − NTA You clearly have to set firm boundaries with your abusive, mooching sister. She can either accept those boundaries, or she can forget the free babysitting. No, she wasn't going to ease up if you kept doing everything. Why should she?

She's getting everything she wants. Your fiancé is right--this has been a long time coming. If you find it hard to stand up for yourself, pretend your fiancé's sister was treating him that way. Would you want him to put up with it? Of course not. As for your nephews, I do feel for them, but maybe they should learn that you don't exist for their needs.

Sure_Assist_7437 − NTA, your sister is wildly emotionally abusive. The mind games, the free child care, the emotional manipulation. Just... whoa. You didn't lose your sister, you lost an abuser.

FunProfessional570 − NTA. Stop taking her calls. Stand up for yourself. And if you think the boys are in a not great home (abuse, n**lect, no food), call CPS.

calacmack − Your sister is extremely irresponsible and selfish to the core. Is she receiving child support from the father of her children? If so, she should budget for day care and babysitting. If not, she should pursue legal action. Having kids is a full-time responsibility and she needs to accept this fact. NTA.

silent_reader2024 − NTA You are a social worker, step out of being you and look at the situation as if this was someone else you were a case worker for. What would you notice, what would you say to this person? You say you come from a dysfunctional family, and make it sound like you left it behind with your sister being the only family you have left.

Reality is you're still in a dysfunctional family and you're perpetuating the cycle with your sister being the toxic person. Step away from the toxicity. You might lose your

These comments are spicy, but do they cut through the fog, or just stir the pot? The aunt’s standing tall, but is her sister’s silence the end of the story?

This babysitting saga leaves us wincing at family ties stretched to snapping. The aunt’s heart’s huge, but her sister’s guilt games and extra demands turned love into labor. Was her ultimatum too harsh, or a long-overdue line in the sand? Family’s messy—helping out shouldn’t mean losing yourself.

We’re dying to hear from you! Ever been cornered into family favors that drained you? Would you charge for childcare or keep the peace? Drop your stories below and let’s unpack this family tangle together.

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE: AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?

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