AITA for refusing to babysit my dad’s fiancée’s kids during their wedding?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a 17-year-old guy, counting days to 18, caught in his dad’s wedding plans with Kirsten, a woman with three kids under 8. Barely knowing them after 4-5 months, he’s clear: no sibling bonds, no babysitting, especially not at their January wedding. Kirsten pushes, hoping childcare sparks family ties, calling him childish for resisting. His dad offers cash, then backs a hired sitter, but Kirsten insists it’s a family duty. The teen stands firm, but doubts creep in—was his refusal too cold?

This Reddit saga is a tense tug-of-war over boundaries, stepfamily hopes, and wedding roles. Was saying no his right, or a selfish snub? It’s a story that hums with autonomy, pressure, and the clash of new families.

‘AITA for refusing to babysit my dad’s fiancée’s kids during their wedding?’

This Reddit post unveils a teen’s fight to hold his ground against stepfamily expectations. Here’s his story, raw and unfiltered:

My dad and his fiancée Kirsten (both late 30s) are getting married in January. Kirsten has three kids under 8. Dad has me (17m). My mom died 11 years ago. Kirsten's ex husband is alive but doesn't play a role in the lives of their kids (except child support which is apparently taken from his income because he wasn't paying).

Her kids don't remember their dad and so dad and Kirsten are hoping dad will become their new dad. I met Kirsten 4-5 months ago and her kids around the same time and given my age and the fact I did fine with just me and dad, I'm not looking for Kirsten to fill any sort of maternal or motherly role. I also don't think I'll be engaging with Kirsten's kids as a sibling.

This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them, and someone who might babysit on occasion. But mostly someone who'd make a point to spend time with them. But I'm not planning on spending too much time with them. I have plans for once I turn 18. My dad always knew this.

So this has fed into the whole babysitting the kids during the wedding stuff. Kirsten says since I won't be 18 when they get married and I'll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding. My dad admitted she's hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone to her kids. I said no when I was initially asked and I was clear with my no.

Kirsten told me it wasn't like I was looking forward to the wedding anyway so why not agree to babysit. She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids. I said no. Dad said he'd pay me to do it if I was agreeable to money for it. But then Kirsten was saying it would be hurtful if I wouldn't do it as a favor to my growing family.

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Dad told her it was expecting a little too much. She argued that if I'm there, and still living with him, I should be willing, and that I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it's incredibly childish. There was some more back and forth about it. Kirsten got really pissed when I said it again, as clearly as I could, that I won't babysit during the wedding.

Dad said he'd pay for a sitter but Kirsten said I should really be more willing here. That dad and I don't have an awful relationship so why won't I give all this a chance and make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone.. AITA?

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This stepfamily friction is a classic case of mismatched expectations and boundary violations. The teen, nearly an adult with clear post-18 plans, isn’t obligated to embrace Kirsten’s kids as siblings or take on childcare, especially at a wedding meant to celebrate his father. Kirsten’s push, framing babysitting as a family favor, ignores his autonomy and short acquaintance with her family, while her “childish” jab dismisses his valid stance. The father’s offer to pay and eventual support for a sitter show some balance, but Kirsten’s persistence risks alienating the teen.

Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow notes, “Stepfamily bonds form slowly; forcing roles breeds resentment” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Stepfamily Research found that 63% of teens resist step-sibling roles when introduced abruptly (Source). Kirsten’s vision of instant family overlooks the teen’s independence and grief-tinted history with his late mother.

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He should reaffirm his no, calmly explaining his need for space, perhaps suggesting occasional hangouts with the kids on his terms post-wedding. “Choice empowers,” Papernow advises. Kirsten must respect his pace, focusing on her kids’ needs via a hired sitter. The father should mediate to align expectations.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit weighed in with takes as bold as a teen’s defiance. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Far_Awareness_4510 − NTA. 1. Why you are not invited to the wedding if she wants to be part your family?. 2. If your dad is willing to pay for it, why he dont pay someone who wants the job?

Bonnm42 − I would tell Kirsten point blank, right in front of your Dad “You’re marrying my Dad. I do not come with the marriage as a free babysitter for your kids. I’m 17 years old. I don’t need a Mother or siblings. It is my choice what kind of relationship I have with you or your kids.” Than look at your Dad and say “Keep in mind I will be 18 soon.

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If you want to remain in contact with me and not have me resent you, I suggest you talk to your future Wife and further drive the point home that I will not be her free babysitter. If that was a perk she wanted in marrying you, she has misjudged the situation.”

mknit − NTA. Your dad seems to be on your side so that’s a big plus on his part. The new wife seems to want a built in family and does not understand that not everyone will warm up to three kids under 8 right away.

P.s I’m just judging her for having 3kids under eight and then having a not so great relationship with the ex, AND expecting you to welcome her with open arms, when it’s been very obvious that you and dad have been doing well for the last 11 years on your own without your mom.. I don’t begrudge your dad for wanting companionship, but someone with three kids under 8 is a handful.

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diminishingpatience − NTA.. This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them. This just means babysitter.. I'm not planning on spending too much time with them. I have plans for once I turn 18. I'd be more surprised if an eighteen-year-old boy wanted to spend time with three children under eight.

Kirsten says since I won't be 18 when they get married and I'll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding.. No. She's just looking for any excuse to get what she wants.. She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids..

Why would a wedding be a suitable occasion for this, even if you wanted to do it?. I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it's incredibly childish.. You're clearly not responsible enough to look after them if you're childish.. make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone.. Happy for you?

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Garamon7 − NTA. Kirsten is entitled, but your dad is delusional. 'My dad admitted she's hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone to her kids.'??? LOL, really? I'm quite sure that babysitting of three children under of 8 during a stressful, long and exhausting formal event would make you even less 'willing to be someone to her kids'...

mlc885 − NTA. Just continue to tell her that it is not happening. And on the day of the wedding do not let her abandon the kids with you. She can find a friend to babysit her kids at the wedding if that is necessary.

Such-Awareness-2960 − NTA.  You said no multiple times. Point out to your dad that Kristen actions are already causing tension  in your relationship.  Let him know he needs to shut it down if he doesn't want things to turn hostile between you , him, and her.

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Fun-Perception-666 − NTA. I guarantee this is just the beginning. If you agree now then you’re going to become the instant free babysitter whenever she wants until you move out. Stick to your guns.

teresajs − NTA ALL of Kirsten's language so far has been code for the fact that she wants 'free babysitting'.  The wedding is just one of the steps in manipulating you into babysitting for her on the regular.   Don't let her leave her kids with you for even a minute.  Your Dad seems like he's on your side of this issue, so far.

Explain to him that you're happy that he's found someone he cares about, but that Kirsten isn't respecting your autonomy as a near-adult. Tell him that due to Kirsten's unreasonable pressure, you feel that's it's necessary to reiterate that you will NEVER be willing to babysit, nor to be responsible in any way for her kids.

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Be clear that if Kirsten ever leaves the house with her young kids still in the home, you will call the police and they will likely investigate her for n**lect.  Kirsten and Dad need to arrange and hire babysitters for all needs.  Period. 

bepsigir − NTA- tell your dad that you want to be at the wedding to support him, but since it is becoming clear that you were only invited to help babysit, you will have to decline the invitation. Hopefully, your dad will see how far this has spiraled and put a stop to the babysitting requests.

These Reddit opinions are as sharp as a firm “no,” but do they miss Kirsten’s hope for family unity driving her push?

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This story is a raw blend of freedom, duty, and family flux. The teen’s refusal to babysit at his dad’s wedding guards his plans, but Kirsten’s pleas tug at family ties. Could a compromise or clear talk ease the strain, or is his stance the only way? What would you do if pushed into a stepfamily role? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced demands to bond too soon?

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