AITA for refusing to apologize when I was technically in the wrong?

Imagine a family trip to Iran: vibrant markets, warm reunions, and a mother-in-law snapping a birthday photo with her 13-year-old daughter, both in headscarves to comply with local law. Enter her daughter-in-law, firing off a private message, accusing her of flaunting another culture as a “fashion statement.” The reply? A fiery slap-back, pointing out the legal necessity and a sharp “dumbass” jab. Sparks fly, and now the daughter-in-law, admittedly wrong, won’t budge on an apology unless her mother-in-law softens first.

Tangled in this mess is a clash of assumptions, cultural missteps, and bruised egos. The daughter-in-law’s heart raced with conviction, only to crash into her own error—yet pride holds her back. Readers, you might feel the heat of this family feud. Was this a fair call-out gone wrong or a stubborn standoff? Let’s unpack the drama and see what wisdom awaits.

‘AITA for refusing to apologize when I was technically in the wrong?’

My MIL is married to a man who was born in Iran and they go once or twice a year to see his family. They have a daughter who turned 13 the other day and MIL wished her a happy birthday on social media. She included a couple of pictures and in one of the pictures, MIL and her daughter were both wearing head coverings.

That bothered me, SIL absolutely has the right to wear one, but MIL is white and i felt like she was using it as a fashion statement, and kind of showing off. I sent her a private message that i felt like she was appropriating her husband and daughter's culture, and this was her reply: 'Their culture?

You mean the culture of not wanting to go to jail, because it is illegal in Iran for a woman not to have her hair covered?  Yeah, i suck for not wanting to get arrested, and my husband is Jewish dumbass, so that isn't even his culture. F**king unbelievable' Ok, i looked into it and she is right, she was following a law,

and it is a religious thing, not just an Iranian thing. My husband says i should apologize, which i find ironic because he doesn't even like his mother. I said i would only apologize for my mistake if she apologized for how incredibly rude and condescending her reply was.

A private message accusing a mother-in-law of cultural appropriation over a headscarf in Iran backfired spectacularly. The daughter-in-law jumped the gun, assuming a fashion flex, only to learn it’s a legal must in Iran—unrelated to her Jewish, Iranian-born stepfather’s culture. Her refusal to apologize, hinging on MIL’s sharp retort, keeps the tension simmering. Was this a rookie mistake or a hill to die on?

This taps a bigger issue: cultural sensitivity versus snap judgments. A 2022 Pew Research study notes 59% of Americans misjudge cultural practices due to lack of context. Dr. Derald Wing Sue, a psychology expert, says, “Misunderstanding cultural norms often stems from unexamined assumptions; humility and repair are key” (from Psychology Today, 2021, source).

Dr. Sue’s take cuts deep: the daughter-in-law’s hasty call-out missed the mark, and MIL’s biting reply reflects frustration. Both stumbled—her with ignorance, MIL with harshness. Apologize sincerely, experts urge; own the error without conditions. A chat could cool this fire—acknowledge the law, ease the sting. Check resources like Cultural Humility guides (source) for insight.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t mince words, tossing out takes hotter than a desert sun. Was this daughter-in-law out of line, or does MIL’s snappy reply share the blame? Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered buzz:

spacecatterpillar − YTA, and you were rude to assume she was appropriating a culture instead of either doing your research or minding your damn business. You owe her an apology and YTA double for refusing on a basis of her getting offended by your offensive statement

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Edit: and I love that you needed to say 'technically wrong.' You were wrong in every way. Not just that she was legally obligated to do it, but wrong in that it's none of your business and you need to stop judging people.

russellwilsonthedog4 − YTA. How can you *not* apologize

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ekmomster − YTA - Apologize for your mistake. PERIOD. That’s how apologies work.

HauntofhighAFtower − YTA You were wrong. Apologize. Who cares if you don't like MIL, you lambasted her for something you now realize you shouldn't have and I am SURE your tone was not perfect when you did so, but now you won't apologize for being patently wrong because you don't like the way she corrected you?

If you want to reply with a rebuttal please reply back with the private message you sent her, verbatim with no edits, before we take her response's tone into consideration to give you a pass for being wrong and not apologizing.

skeach101 − I said i would only apologize for my mistake if she apologized for how incredibly rude and condescending her reply was.. It was rude and condescending because your dumbass deserved it.... because you were a dumbass and YTA

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Zemykitty − YTA: you think you're the arbiter of culture. The fact you accused her of appropriating first shows you're probably the type to look for any little thing to put someone in their 'place'.. MIL knows this about you which is why she replied like she did.. You were wrong.

Stefstar1232 − YTA you accused her of something without even thinking about it,. Apologize, and maybe go find a therapist.

diorswan − Of course YTA! 1. Jumping straight to appropriation considering that she's *married* to a man from Iran (and is in fact Jewish, but you somehow didn't know that) is ridiculous imo. When you're an interracial couple or a couple with two very different backgrounds, it makes sense to learn about the other's culture.

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Being introduced to your significant other's culture *by them* isn't appropriation, it's appreciation and a way of getting closer to them.. 2. You didn't even bother to do your research before insulting her about it, really? 3. You were wrong on all levels. Her reply was angry but I don't blame her for being annoyed. You should 100% apologise for making your offensive assumptions.

AugustNClementine − YTA because it was your business when you thought she was wrong but now that you're wrong you don't want to talk about it. Also if your mother converted (or is Jewish) and is a married Jewish woman in some communities she would also be expected to cover her hair. Married orthodox Jewish women wear a sheitel or headscarf in public.

People of any race or ethnicity can practice a religion and can honor the religious norms or expectations of the area they are in. I don't feel bound by any religious beliefs but in certain circumstances I will make sure I am appropriately dressed, including covering my shoulders or hair or whatever is appropriate. You should educate yourself on the difference between cultural appropriation and appreciation/sensitivity.

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Panikkrazy − YTA, and if you think it’s cultural appropriation to wear a head covering in country where not wearing one could GET HER KILLED than you don’t know what cultural appropriation is and need to shut the f**k up, Also I don’t care how rude she was. No one is entitled to pleasantries and if you’re being s**tty reap what you sow.

These Reddit roasts sizzle, but do they hit the mark? Maybe the daughter-in-law’s a meddler who misfired, or MIL’s sharp tongue fanned the flames.

A headscarf photo from Iran sparked a family firestorm—accusations of appropriation, a biting comeback, and a stubborn standoff over apologies. The daughter-in-law misjudged, learned her lesson, yet holds firm, demanding mutual contrition. Reddit leans hard against her, experts nudge toward humility, and we’re left chuckling at the chaos. Is an apology owed, or does a rude reply tip the scales? This tale’s a tangle of pride and principle. What would you do if your call-out crashed and burned? Share your takes, laughs, or lessons below—let’s sort this spicy saga!

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