AITA for refusing to allow my mom to see my baby after she was thrilled that I couldn’t get an epidural?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A 19-year-old new mother, still reeling from a traumatic emergency C-section, faces a fresh wound when her own mom, thrilled she couldn’t get an epidural, implies she’s not a “real” mother without a natural birth. Furious at the callous remark, she bans her mom from seeing her newborn, demanding space to heal from both the birth and the betrayal. Her mom’s tears and her dad’s pleas for forgiveness do little to soften the sting.

This isn’t just about a harsh comment—it’s a clash of pain and respect. Reddit’s resounding NTA verdict cheers her stand, decrying her mom’s toxicity. Like a scar that’s still raw, the story probes the fragile line between family ties and personal boundaries, asking how a new mom protects her heart and her baby.

‘AITA for refusing to allow my mom to see my baby after she was thrilled that I couldn’t get an epidural?’

I (19) gave birth to a baby girl two weeks ago. The pregnancy was unplanned, and very very stressful. I have had an eating disorder in the past, so getting so much bigger was a huge stress for me. I'm also only 4'11, and weighed around 95lbs for half of my pregnancy, so it was also very hard on my body.

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Pregnancy was not really an enjoyable experience for me for a bunch of reasons, so I was determined to try and make the birth as smooth as possible. I started my birth plan at around 7 months, and was adamant I wanted an epidural.

I moved back in with my mom when I was 6 months gone because of the health issues around my pregnancy, as my boyfriend works 8-5 and I was on bed rest for a long time. My mom helped with my birth plan, and continuously said that I shouldn't have an epidural, that I should experience birth, if I don't have a natural birth with anything but gas and air that I'm not a 'real' mother, that young girls always cop out, etc.

She was also judging me for my parenting choices (such as wanting cloth diapers and wanting to try EC). I was sick of hearing it and told her that I would be doing what I wanted, and that if she was so insistent I couldn't have an epidural then she couldn't be in the room when I gave birth.

This conversation happened almost every day, until I went into labour at 35 weeks. I had to have an emergency c-section. It was traumatic and painful, and I don't remember much of my daughter's birth. I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this, and I really do feel like the universe is telling me I shouldn't be a mother because of the pregnancy issues and the birth.

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I stuck to my word and my mother wasn't allowed in the room with me until the day after the birth. She came in upset, and when she held my daughter the first thing she said was 'ah, she's gorgeous. I'm so glad you get to feel the birth now because you didn't get to do it naturally'. She gestured to my c-section wound.

I was furious, demanded my boyfriend take the baby from my mother, and asked her to leave. She cried and said she was joking, I said she needs to go and I need time to consider whether I want her in my life at the moment considering she obviously has no respect for me. This was two weeks ago.

She hasn't tried to contact me, but my dad has and he says I need to forgive mom despite her not apologising. My bf says he'll stand by me no matter what, but that I'm probably too emotional to be making long term choices like this. I do want my mom to meet my baby and I feel like I'm punishing her. Everyone thinks I'm an a**hole. Idk. AITA?

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The young mother’s decision to bar her mom from seeing her baby is a justified act of self-protection after a traumatic birth and a deeply hurtful comment. Her mom’s fixation on “natural” birth as a badge of motherhood, coupled with her glee over the C-section pain, reflects a toxic disregard for her daughter’s physical and emotional ordeal. This insensitivity, especially during the vulnerable postpartum period, warranted a firm boundary.

A 2023 study in Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing found that 60% of new mothers experience heightened emotional distress when family members invalidate their birth experiences (Elsevier, 2023). Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist, notes, “Postpartum women need validation, not judgment, to navigate birth trauma and maternal identity” (AlexandraSacksMD.com). The mom’s lack of apology and the dad’s pressure to forgive dismiss the young mother’s need for healing.

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Reddit’s NTA consensus rightly champions her autonomy, though some overlook her lingering guilt about “punishing” her mom. The boyfriend’s support is vital, but his caution about emotional decisions suggests a need for guided reflection.

She should seek a therapist specializing in postpartum trauma to process her birth experience and family conflict (Postpartum.net). A letter to her mom, outlining her hurt and conditions for reconnection, could clarify boundaries. Joining a new-mom support group might offer solidarity.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s pouring out fierce support for this new mom’s stand, with scorching takedowns of her mom’s cruelty—brace for the heartfelt rallying cries!

SylvanasLeggie - NTA. Your mother was completely inconsiderate and disrespectful! And she hasn't even apologized??. You are NOT an a**hole for having self respect and standing by your word.. I hope you and your baby are healthy and happy!

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ExceptionalPerson - NTA. What you went through was stressful and traumatic, and rather than be a supportive figure she was a consistent thorn in your side. You deserve to take all the time you need to heal. Congrats on the baby, OP. And don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help, PPA/PPD is a very real, painful thing (but it doesn’t make you any less of a mom).

rachelenfleurs - NTA - your mom sounds toxic as hell. I don’t think feeling “real birth to be a real mom” when she actually means to just suffer through it is very motherly at all. Then to be glad you went through pain in another way with your c-section is just awful. You’re right to be upset and set distance.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. What your mother said was hateful, inappropriate, unnecessary, and absolutely false. You have every right to be upset with her and need some space to process everything you’ve been through. She absolutely owes you an apology.

MotherofBuckling3 - NTA I had an emergency C section at 35 weeks and it was one of the most traumatic things of my life. It also knocks you as a mum and I felt similar as though it somehow made my birth story 'not a real birth' so god forbid someone had validated that thoight process or said it was a good thing I could feel the pain of my scar.

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Seeing as your mum is a bloody i**ot I'm going to reassure you that any way a mother gives birth is the right way and the universe gave you that gorgeous child because you're meant to be their mumma.

It takes time to settle and feel right after this experience and 2.5 years later I still struggle to think about my babies birth but it doesn't make me any less meant to be his mum. I'm glad you've got a supportive partner and I hope you can find peace with the whole situation and settle into enjoying being mummy xx

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[Reddit User] - NTA. First and foremost, congrats on the baby girl! I had a similar birth experience to you (unplanned, body dismorphia, complications, emergency section). And I am just coming to terms with all of it.. IT DOES GET BETTER I promise. And being a mother just gets better and better.

You 1000% have a say of who is around you and baby and who is not, please just try to focus on feeling better and i feel like your mother definitely contributed to the stress you are experiencing. Feel free to DM if you ever want to vent about it, as I found having open and abundant resources are the most helpful.

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avast2006 - NTA - your mom is obsessed. She just said she is thrilled that you are in pain from having your abdomen sliced open. I wouldn’t want that crazy person around me either. Nor her enabler of a husband.

If she wants to be around either you or the baby she can start by acknowledging that she is terrible at boundaries, apologize for being delighted that you are in pain, and start working a LOT harder at being a decent human being.

soullessginger93 - NTA - You had major abdominal surgery without an epidural, and she's 'so glad' you went through it without an epidural and had to feel the pain of being sliced open? F**k her.

horsemullet - 1-the universe isn’t telling you that you shouldn’t be a mother because your pregnancy and birth was so dang hard. It was traumatic and really difficult and you are okay to be upset about it. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. Experiencing this doesn’t make you a bad mom.

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2-NTA. You may be hormonal, but that doesn’t mean you’re being unreasonable. You would hope that your mom, the person who gave birth to you and raised you, would be on your side when you give birth and she hasn’t been-almost every step of the way.

In one breath shes saying you aren’t a real mom without giving birth naturally and then in the next breath criticizing your more natural cloth dialer choice. What’s the deal here? If you really feel the need to make the first step in mending fences, share with your mom how you’re feeling and how much she’s hurt you during an already traumatic experience.

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You want her in your babies life, but you want her to be a supporting presence. Keep up the good work! You’ll have a lot of people telling you want to do as a mom, I hope you can start to experience support in the future from your own mom.

estoydesvelada - NTA, that is such a horrible thing for her to have said for no reason.

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These are Reddit’s most passionate responses, but do they fully cradle the weight of trauma and reconciliation?

This saga of a C-section scar and a mother’s cruel jab is a searing lesson in guarding a new mom’s fragile heart. Reddit’s NTA roar backs her ban on her mom, condemning the toxic glee that deepened her pain. It’s a reminder that family doesn’t get a free pass to wound. How would you handle a loved one who invalidates your hardest moments? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this tender, tangled rift!

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