AITA for refusing to allow my families property (willed to me) be used for my cousins 2nd wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The air was thick with tension at a cozy family dinner when a bold assumption sparked a fiery dispute. A young man, the proud yet burdened owner of his late grandfather’s sprawling farm, faced an unexpected demand: his cousin’s second wedding reception must take place on his cherished property. Inherited through a controversial will that favored tradition over fairness, the farm wasn’t just land—it was a legacy steeped in old-school values, now clashing with modern family drama.

Caught between loyalty to his grandfather’s memory and a cousin’s entitlement, he stood firm, refusing to let his property host a celebration he couldn’t endorse. The farm, with its rustic garage-turned-reception-hall, had seen many family weddings, but this time, the stakes were personal. As voices rose and guilt trips flew, readers can’t help but wonder: is he guarding his principles or fueling a family rift?

‘AITA for refusing to allow my families property (willed to me) be used for my cousins 2nd wedding?’

I (27M) am the owner of a property that was formerly my grandpas home. My grandpa was a farmer and he had this awesome property built whenever my mom and her sisters were in high school. This was the family house, which my grandpa also built a giant garage on which my cousins have been using as a reception hall the last few years for their weddings.

When my grandma died my grandpa and me started hanging more and I worked at the property since I was little. I am the only grandson he had. All my cousins on my moms side are girls. In 2018 my grandpa passed away and I was left the property. This caused a bunch of drama amongst the family.

But I know exactly why my grandpa did it. My grandpa was not a perfect person. He was very old fashioned. Hated divorce and was very traditional. His beliefs clashed with his daughters. He wanted to hand his farm down to a son. He didn’t have any and none of my aunts married the type of dudes he liked.

So I became the de facto option. My grandpa especially disliked how my aunts were in their relationships cause he preached commitment. That man loved and was loyal to my grandma. My cousin (28F) is getting married this fall. I’m at my parents house and my aunt goes “well the reception will be at the house”.

I told her nobody has talked to me yet. She said that since every other cousin had their reception there it should be a tradition. I said sure but they all asked me and I wanted them there. Her daughter didn’t ask me and I don’t support the wedding. It’s really legit reason. This is my cousins second wedding. I’m not even close with her.

We differ politically so I have her muted on social media. I didn’t even know she was engaged. Me and this cousin hardly speak. Also this is her second marriage. She cheated on her first husband with this dude. Who was also married at the time. My grandpa would never approve of that or want that on his property.

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Also I would have to be involved in the set up and clean up if it’s at the house. I don’t care to sacrifice my time. If she wants to rent the property and my time. Then she can pay me a premium for the short notice. But I’m not doing it for free. I explained this all to my aunt and my cousin.

They both threw a fit and tried having my mom talk to me. She tried pulling the family card and a guilt trip about my cousin having no money. I said my cousin has no money because of her divorce. It’s a sham wedding and her dad wouldn’t support it and she knows that. There was a reason that her dad didn’t trust the property to his own kids.

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I said all my other cousins have been good people so I was willing to help. But this cousin and aunt are rude. My mom said I won’t be invited to Christmas most likely then. I said okay find another venue while you are at it (the house is the hangout spot for Christmas). My dad is calling me an AH but I need to a fair judgment. AITA?

Family inheritance can turn sacred ground into a battleground. The young man’s refusal to host his cousin’s wedding reflects deeper tensions—between personal values and family expectations. His cousin’s assumption that the farm was hers to use without asking mirrors a common family dynamic: entitlement born from tradition. Yet, his stance, rooted in his grandfather’s disapproval of divorce, raises questions about fairness and judgment.

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The conflict highlights a broader issue: inheritance disputes often unearth unresolved family grievances. According to a 2021 study by the American Bar Association, over 60% of family disputes over inheritance stem from perceived favoritism, as seen in the grandfather’s male-focused will. This fuels resentment, especially when one heir holds disproportionate power, like control over a cherished family venue.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes, “Inherited property can become a symbol of love or exclusion, amplifying conflicts across generations” (source: Psychology Today). Her insight applies here: the farm isn’t just a venue but a lightning rod for the family’s unresolved pain over the grandfather’s choices. The man’s refusal, while legally sound, risks alienating him by echoing his grandfather’s rigid moral stance.

For resolution, open communication is key. He could propose a neutral compromise, like renting the venue at a fair rate, preserving his boundaries while easing family tension.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this farmyard fiasco, and they don’t hold back! From calling out entitled aunts to questioning the heir’s moral high ground, the community’s opinions are as varied as a family reunion potluck. Here are the top comments:

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[Reddit User] − ESH You suck for using your grandpa's sexist and bigoted views as an excuse for not wanting your family to use your home. And if you agree with his views, you're the AH for that..

Your aunt sucks for just expecting you to be okay with having a wedding/reception at your house without asking.. Your mom sucks for thinking she can just uninvite you to a gathering in your own home.. At this point, your whole family needs help.

Milskidasith − YTA, though your family is acting a bit entitled. You have the right to use the property how you want, and to tell people they can't use the property or have to pay to use it. However, this is 'Am I the A**hole', not 'do I have the legal right.'

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You got your property because your grandfather appeared to have regressive, misogynistic views, not because you did anything worthy of attaining it besides have a d**k. You seem to have carried on these viewpoints, and additionally seem to be relishing in turning the screws on your family instead of playing ball (extra money for short notice + labor like it's a true reception venue).

In most circumstances, they would be the assholes for expecting a free venue, but that is trumped by your behavior and bigotry here. E: To make it abundantly clear, as OP has written it his mom and aunt were disinherited by the grandfather solely on the basis of their gender and blindsided by this; this is not your typical AITA 'I inherited the property because nobody visited grandpa but me' situation.

JegHaderStatistik − For this very specific occasion, since she cheated on her ex-husband, you are NTA for not supporting her 2nd marriage, especially since she didnt even consult you about it. With that being said, i sense an underlying tone of sexism from your grandpa, and you seem to be preaching from the same choir. Watch out.

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babylonical − ESH. They should have asked first rather than assume. You have every right to refuse, but your reasons kind of suck.

[Reddit User] − ESH. You sound totally judgmental. You’re entitled to be if you want, but it still sucks.. Your cousin sucks for just assuming she’d be able to use your property without asking you.. Also, misogynistic grandpa obviously sucks too.

crazymastiff − Ugh. You’re NTA since it’s your house and all… but you’re an AH in life.

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Cryptographer_Alone − ESH No one is entitled to show up to someone's home and business and throw a wedding. Period. They aren't entitled to your time or your property. Same goes for Xmas. I mean, how does mom think uninviting the host is going to work?

But your attitude sucks. Just because grandpa got away with being a judgmental AH doesn't mean that you are immune from the consequences of sharing the same opinions to everyone who will listen. I mean, I'd not think well of two people who cheated on their previous spouses and are marrying their AP.

I'd be in the corner quietly betting on when the third wedding will be. But I wouldn't be bad mouthing them to the family over things that don't affect me, and I wouldn't choose their infidelity as the hill to publicly die on. All you had to say was 'Cousin doesn't talk to me, didn't tell me she was engaged,

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and did not ask, did not even check to see if the date was feasible. For telling me that she was using the farm, she can now either pay for my time and access to the barn, or she can go elsewhere.' And left it at that. Simple, easy, very hard to argue with.

WellAckshully − YTA. You're within your (legal) rights to tell them no, and they certainly should have talked to you first before just assuming they could have it there. But, you're still an a**hole. You only got the property because your grandfather is an a**hole. If he had 'done the right thing' he'd have split the property up equally amongst his children.

Instead he excluded them because they're female and he didn't like their husbands. Because of his backwards views, you benefitted more than any of the rest of your family. Instead of being gracious and letting all your cousins (including this one) have their receptions there (which IMO is the _least_ you can do given all the rest of them probably got a pittance for inheritance),

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you are singling her out to exclude her because it's her 2nd marriage. The fact that your grandfather wouldn't have wanted that doesn't matter, because he's dead now and _frankly he sounds like a jerk_, at least in terms of _some_ of his views.

I just really can't imagine anybody hateful enough to effectively disinherit his own children over such stupid trivial things. Maybe they inherited something else from him, but I doubt it was worth anywhere near what the property was.

He_Who_Is_Right_ − Wait a second, let me get this straight:. 1. You own a property; 2. Your aunt had the gall to *tell you* that your cousin would use it for her wedding as opposed to anyone *asking you* if the property would be used for the wedding;.

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3. Your mom tried to bully you by disinviting you to Christmas that is being held at your property; 4. You upped the stakes by telling your mother that she could find another venue to hold the Christmas party; and. 5. Now your father is calling you an a**hole?. You are NTA. Your father owes you an apology. Your mother and aunt do, too.

Apprehensive-Wait783 − I’m confused. How did your mom (and I assume your aunts since they tried to have her guilt trip you) think you would be ok with not being invited to Christmas, but be okay with it still being held there.

These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they cut through the family drama or just add fuel to the fire?

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This tale of a farm, a wedding, and a family feud shows how quickly tradition can turn into turmoil. The young man’s stand—rooted in principle but tinged with judgment—has split his family, leaving us wondering where loyalty should lie. Is he right to guard his property and values, or should he bend for family peace? What would you do if you were caught between a rock and a family grudge? Share your thoughts below!

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