AITA for refusing to allow cousin-in-law & his family to move in when they’re about to be homeless?

In a quiet suburban home, a pregnant woman braces for a family storm. The phone rings, and her husband’s cousin, Chris, delivers a bombshell: his family of five faces homelessness and needs to move in. The woman, already juggling work-from-home demands and a young daughter, feels her stomach twist—not just from the baby but from the audacity of the request. With tensions high and family ties fraying, her firm “no” sets off a cascade of accusations, leaving her wondering if she’s the villain.

This tale of boundaries and tough choices unfolds in a Reddit post, where the original poster (OP) grapples with guilt, family pressure, and the weight of protecting her own space. It’s a story that resonates with anyone who’s faced the awkward dance of saying “no” to loved ones—or near strangers—while guarding their own peace.

‘AITA for refusing to allow cousin-in-law & his family to move in when they’re about to be homeless?’

My husband’s cousin Chris and his wife Rachel have 3 kids (13, 5, 3), and we’ve hung out twice since our daughter (7.5) was born. We’re not close. Rachel’s always been rude to me. Before my husband met me, Rachel had a thing for him and tried to date him. He never reciprocated and then when we became official, Rachel started dating Chris.

Chris called asking if they can move in with us as they’re homeless. Chris and Rachel missed rent payments and got evicted and have been couch surfing with their three kids for the past month or so. My husband said he would need to talk to me first. My immediate response was NO. Husband agreed although he felt bad.

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Chris’s family had been giving them money to make their rent payments and instead of paying rent, they used the money for other things. Chris works odd construction jobs and doesn’t make much. Rachel claims she can’t work because of ADHD. Chris called back - husband apologized and said we don’t have the space - Chris tried to say we have 5 bedrooms.

My husband clarifies that we don’t - we have 4, one of which is my office. Chris says he’s disappointed and he would’ve helped us. My husband says I WFH and need the house to be quiet. Chris says he doesn’t understand where we get the impression that their kids can’t be quiet and he’s offended.

Rachel says we have the money and a big house to help but that we would rather see three kids end up on the streets because I’M greedy. I snap and tell her that her kids are not my responsibility and I’m not comfortable sharing my home with strangers.

It’s not our problem that they mismanaged their finances and that maybe she shouldn’t have gotten her nails done every week and paid their rent instead. She responded that I don’t understand how hard they have it because I’m “privileged” and providing for three kids isn’t cheap - so I said maybe she should get a job and stop using ADHD as an excuse, and they should’ve thought of that before having kids and hung up.

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Husband’s phone starts blowing up with calls from family members. He picks up Chris’s dad’s (Paul) call. Paul wants to know why we’re unwilling to help. I ask him why he and his wife haven’t opened their home as this is his son and grandkids after all.

He says Chris/Rachel and the kids stayed for a week but their house is too small and it didn’t work out. I told him that we aren’t close to Chris/Rachel and have no obligation to them, and I suggested he and his wife reopen their home to their son and grandkids. He says they did open their home and now it’s our turn. I laughed and hung up.

So now my husband’s family thinks that we’re cruel and heartless. We also haven’t disclosed that I’m pregnant which is also a big reason (they’re anti-vax and I don’t want to be exposed), and I’ll be going on mat leave for a year as of January so we’re trying to save up.. So AITA?

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Saying “no” to family can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when kids are involved. The OP’s situation pits personal boundaries against familial duty, a tension that’s all too common. The OP’s refusal stems from practical concerns—limited space, a need for quiet while working from home, and health risks due to the cousin’s family’s anti-vax stance. Meanwhile, Chris and Rachel’s accusations of greed reveal a clash of expectations, with Rachel’s past feelings for the OP’s husband adding a layer of awkwardness.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: the pressure to prioritize family over personal well-being. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association (source), 68% of Americans feel obligated to help family despite personal strain, often leading to resentment. The OP’s snap response, while heated, highlights their frustration with entitlement.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries are the foundation of any strong relationship, including family” (source). In the OP’s case, setting limits protects their growing family’s stability, especially with a baby on the way. Gottman’s perspective underscores that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re essential for mental health.

For the OP, maintaining a peaceful home is key. Experts suggest clear communication, like calmly explaining space constraints, and offering alternative support, such as connecting Chris with local housing resources (e.g., HUD’s homelessness prevention programs: source).

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and spicy takes. Here’s what they had to say:

CobraStrike525 - I let my brother-in-law move in 9mo ago when he lost his job and became homeless. He still doesn't have a job and I can't figure out how to get him to move out. You will be in the same boat. They aren't going to leave.

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[Reddit User] - NTA . Unfortunately I have a few friends that are clos to homelessness. But they've already shown that if I try to help them they're not going to take the situation serious enough and it's just delaying the inevitable while burning bridges. One friend was desperate but I live in the boonies and he doesn't have a car. If I took him in then what?

I just have someone in my place that doesn't have any real chance of getting a job. There's no escape, just a temporary 'fix' that moves them even further from any real chance of recovering their life. If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe.

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But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food. No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house.

Master_Grape5931 - Can’t work because of ADHD? I’m sure she is diagnosed and medicated then right…right? Zero chance I would invite them in when they can’t even bother to work or pay the bills with money others are giving them.

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Vegetable-Source2729 - NTA - Rachel sounds lazy and she just doesn't want to work so she uses ADHD as an excuse. Also its not like evictions just happen out of the blue. They have issues and you are SO right to not let them into your house. I know soooo many people like Chris and Rachel and you would have the hardest time getting rid of them.. F**k that.. Congrats on your pregnancy <3

bishslap - NTA. You had me at anti-vax. That's a deal breaker, sorry. Big NO from me. Cause you just know there'll be all sorts of other nonsense.

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LadyV21454 - 'Chris says he doesn't understand where we get the impression that his kids can't be quiet.' Well, the 13 year old might be okay, because they'll be in school most of your work day. But there's no way in hell you can keep kids that are 5 and 3 quiet for 8+ hours five days a week.

That alone would justify saying 'no' - but the fact that you're pregnant and they're anti-vax just gives you more reason. Plus as bad as they are with money, they probably would expect you and your husband to buy all the groceries. NTA for having a shiny spine and saying no.

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DreamingofRlyeh - NTA You have very good reasons for refusing. And ADHD does not prevent people from holding jobs. Yes, it can make things more difficult for those of us who have it, but there measures that can be taken to help with that

txparrothead58 - One thing I’ve noticed about these posts is that there are always family members willing to try to force someone to take in distant relatives or give them money, but they are unwilling to take on these burdens themselves. NTA. These are people you barely know.

You will never be rid of them. They will eat you out of house and home. Let their parents deal with it. Our daughter, son in law, and grandson were homeless briefly, and we took them in and made it work. It was a different situation, our daughter took a job out of state, and their house sold more quickly than anyone expected.

crumpledspoon - I noticed how, in your post, you don't even relate that they assured you it will only be 'temporary'. If they move in, they have no intention of ever moving out, or even contributing to the household. You will have five extra months to feed - six, soon.

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Some of the most successful people I know have ADHD, because they used it as a superpower to do better instead of as an excuse to do less. She needs to stop getting her nails done and start looking for work.. NTA, don't let them across your threshold.

Internal-Pineapple84 - NTA. As tough as it is to tell people no, sometimes it just has to be done. In this case you're not even close to them. You said you've seen them twice in the past 7.5 years? They're essentially strangers to you. It would be awkward and uncomfortable in your house. And it sounds like it would be open-ended. It's not as if they need somewhere to stay for two weeks while their new places getting ready. 

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These hot takes show Reddit’s knack for blunt honesty, but do they capture the full picture?

The OP’s saga is a raw look at the messy intersection of family loyalty and self-preservation. By standing firm, they’ve sparked a debate: where’s the line between helping family and protecting your own space? With a baby on the way and a home to keep calm, the OP chose their family’s needs over guilt-tripping relatives. What would you do if distant family asked to move in? Share your stories and thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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