AITA for refusing to adopt my sisters kid?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a tense family dinner, where a 25-year-old man sits across from his 48-year-old half-sister, her eyes brimming with tears. Six months pregnant, she’s jobless, broke, and living in their mom’s spare room, her dreams of motherhood unraveling. Her bombshell request? That he adopt her baby, footing the bill while she plays part-time mom. His firm refusal—calling out her financial recklessness—ignites a firestorm, with her accusing him of forcing her to give up her child.

This story is a raw clash of family ties and personal limits. Lisa’s lifelong quest for a child, now marred by poor choices, collides with her brother’s unwillingness to shoulder her burden. As she leans on their mother and begs him for help, Reddit’s buzzing with takes: is his refusal heartless, or is Lisa’s plan wildly unfair? Let’s untangle this emotional knot.

‘AITA for refusing to adopt my sisters kid?’

So I (25M) have a much older half sister Lisa who is 48 and from my deceased fathers first marriage. As you can imagine, my father was substantially older than me himself and if he was alive he would be 71. Anyway, my mom (51) always included Lisa despite the fact there’s only 3 years between them.

They developed a bond and a friendship and greatly supported each other when my dad died. Lisa always wanted children but for whatever reason it never happened. There were times when I was younger that she acted like a surrogate mom to me.

It got weird at points and my mom and dad had to remind her she was my sister, not my mom. It hurt her but she did back off and we developed a close relationship. Through the years, Lisa did try to have children. But she never had any luck dating wise.

She attempted the donor route and that failed. She even tried adoption and it just never seemed to work out. My heart really went out for her and when she hit her 40s, it appeared she accepted it wasn’t meant to be. A few months ago, Lisa was having dinner with my mom and I and seemed over the moon about something.

We thought she’d finally had some luck dating someone. She said she had been involved with someone casually but the announcement was that she was pregnant. She said it was a miracle at her age as she was close to starting menopause and I saw how happy she was and wished her well.

She then revealed the dad wasn’t interested but seemed unfazed by it. Here’s what the problems are. Lisa is now 6 months pregnant and in a different situation than she was in her early pregnancy. She no longer has a job as her company went bankrupt due to rona.

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She received a small settlement payment but wasted all the money on a new car. She then couldn’t afford her rent and got kicked out. She is now living in my moms spare room rent free whilst my mom buys her essential supplies. Lisa receives unemployment benefit but keeps blowing the money and hasn’t thought about the baby.

Lisa came to me in tears with the realisation she can’t pay for her baby. She revealed she wanted my mom to pay and she flat out refused. I told Lisa it’s not my job to pay for a kid that isn’t related to her. Lisa then asked me for help. She wants me to upon the baby’s birth enter an open adoption.

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She said it means on paper I’d be the parent but that she could still see the child and I’d be responsible for the kid in all aspects, especially financially. She basically wants to be a parent without any of the responsibly. I said hell no.

I do not want to be responsible for a kid and I said to her it’s not my fault she got pregnant and her life circumstances changed and she keeps wasting money. I said if she really can’t afford the baby, the best thing she could do is give it to people who both can look after it and actually want it.

She retaliated and says I’m an AH for accusing her of not being able to be a mom?! She basically says me and my mom are forcing her to give up her child but we’re just trying to make her face up to reality.

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This man’s refusal to adopt his sister’s child is a stand for personal boundaries. Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, notes in Psychology Today that “family pressure to take on major responsibilities can strain relationships when expectations clash with reality.” Lisa’s request for an open adoption, where he’d be legally and financially accountable while she retains a parental role, places an unreasonable burden on a 25-year-old uninterested in parenthood.

The issue reflects broader challenges in family dynamics and adoption ethics. A 2021 study from the Child Welfare Information Gateway shows 70% of open adoptions require clear legal agreements to prevent conflict, yet Lisa’s proposal lacks clarity and fairness. Her financial irresponsibility—spending a settlement on a car while neglecting baby needs—undermines her readiness to parent, and her reliance on family support highlights a pattern of dependency. Her accusation that he’s pushing her to give up her child deflects from her own choices.

Dr. Newman advises, “Setting boundaries involves clear communication and empathy.” He could suggest Lisa explore legitimate adoption agencies or government assistance, like WIC or Medicaid, to support her baby, while reaffirming his stance. Family counseling might help address her unrealistic expectations. For others facing similar pressures, offering limited support—like connecting to resources—preserves relationships without overstepping personal limits.

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Lisa’s dream of motherhood doesn’t obligate her brother to parent her child. His refusal prioritizes his life while urging her to face the reality of her situation.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit dove into this family drama like it’s a heated soap opera, serving up support and sharp takes with a side of sass. It’s like they’re all at a family reunion, debating who’s got the bigger mess. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA. If your sister can’t provide for the kid, she really shouldn’t be having the baby. The cruellest thing anyone can do is bring a child into the world who can’t be provided for. It’s not your responsibility or your mothers to take in the child.

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Lisa seems really immature since she can’t seem to save money and seems to expect everyone to pay for her. Edit: it seems I need to clarify, I’m not talking about Lisa having an a**rtion. I literally mean it would be cruel of her to bring her child into her life instead of giving it away as she clearly can’t provide for it.

Revolutionary-Yak-47 − NTA. She's not 16 and can learn to handle her own money. She's going to be entitled to child support (it doesn't matter if he's interested or not) and can apply for government help while she's pregnant. Don't tangle yourself up in this legally, she could make your life a nightmare for the next 18 years.

DeafReddit0r − NTA- that’s so odd. Basically she wants someone she once regarded as her child to play daddy to her offspring.

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Steve_parcells − This is really complicated. But I am going to say NTA because if she says you can adopt the child and provide for it, then anybody can and she can still have a part in the child’s life.

[Reddit User] − Jesus, what a s**t show. NTA. I'm amazed that at her age, this woman hasn't learned basic financial responsibility. Losing her job isn't her fault but that she keeps blowing her money even when expecting a baby is a big old red flag.

And then she takes it another hundred steps further by demanding you take on all the responsibilities of raising her kid (that she wanted so desperately??) and presumably she's going to be like a cool aunt who's going to pop in and out when she feels like it?? What an awful woman.

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I think it's time you and your mum cut the cord and make her sort her own life out, and if she can't be a mother herself she needs to go through the proper channels and have the baby adopted. An open adoption is a possibility but she needs to get it through her thick skull that she can't have it both ways, she can't live a fun, responsibility-free life and also have a child.

emanresuelbaliavayna − NTA. This may sound harsh, but what your sister want is not parenthood, she wants a living baby doll that she can play with when she when she feels like it and pawn off any responsibility she doesn't want to deal with on someone else.

Not only is it not fair to the child, but it's not your responsibility. You are not in any way obligated to foot the bill for her recreational mothering. This is not your child and not your responsibility, financial or otherwise.

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AllyKalamity − Has the baby been scanned and checked for any developmental abnormalities. At her age, there is a very high chance that the child is going to have some issue or another and she is going to be a broke single mom with a special needs baby

tmss16 − NTA. That is a huge, huge burden to place on someone. I think you don't have to encourage her to place the baby up for adoption or do anything with the baby, just make it abundantly clear that you will be happy to give birthday and Christmas presents, but you cannot afford to support a baby in other ways nor will you be providing free childcare.

She needs to arrange those things on her own. My heart goes out to her, but her complete disregard of boundaries (asking someone to pay for her child while she gets to be the mom?) leads me to believe that a firm but loving line in the sand is probably a good thing.

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e-elegia − NTA. You are 25. You don't want a child. You had no part in conceiving this child. And Lisa is old enough to be YOUR mom, and actually wanted a child - why on earth would she expect you to have an easier time raising a child than she would? You have no reason to feel guilty for not agreeing to raise her child for her.

mikey_weasel − NTA there are plenty of ways to help in this situation but omg this is exposing you to a pile of legal ramifications. You would be kind to find something you can do for her, but do not adopt the child

Redditors back his refusal, slamming Lisa’s irresponsibility, though some sympathize with her plight. Their takes are fiery, but do they fully grasp the weight of this adoption ask, or are they just cheering the drama? This story’s got everyone talking.

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This young man’s rejection of his sister’s adoption plea is a bold line in the sand, protecting his future from her financial chaos. Lisa’s dream of motherhood, clouded by poor choices, can’t force him into parenthood. It’s a reminder that family love doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. What would you do if asked to adopt a relative’s child—step up or stand back? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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