AITA for refusing my mother’s dying wish?

In a quiet suburban home, where the soft purrs of cats mingle with the gentle snores of a senior dog, a woman faces a heart-wrenching dilemma. Her mother, battling a terminal illness, clings to one last desperate wish: a grandchild to hold before her time runs out. The air grows heavy with expectation, yet the woman stands firm, her resolve unshaken despite the emotional storm brewing around her.

This isn’t just a family spat—it’s a clash of personal freedom against filial duty. The woman, content in her childfree life, finds herself under fire from her mother’s friends, who brand her as selfish. With vivid emotions and a touch of heartbreak, this story pulls readers into a tug-of-war between love, guilt, and autonomy. Can she hold her ground without crumbling under the weight of judgment?

‘AITA for refusing my mother’s dying wish?’

33F, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog. My mother (67 F) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. Considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good.

She and I aren't close. She has untreated mental health issues (I suspect BPD) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. One thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies.

My mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. Unfortunately for her, I'm childfree. I like kids. I even work with babies, and I'm good with them. But I've never wanted one, and I'm an only child.

I called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that I *have* to give her a grandbaby. The doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if I get pregnant now apparently.

She says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying.. As usual, I said no. I don't want a kid.  My spouse doesn't want a kid. That's it. Now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say I'm TA for refusing her dying wish.

They're pointing out that my spouse and I could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that I'm a horrible selfish child.

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To be clear, I'm not going to change my mind. A lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed b**ch won't change that, but I'll admit that perhaps I am, in fact, a self-absorbed b**ch.. What say you, reddit?

This tale of a daughter’s defiance against her mother’s dying wish is a gut-punch to anyone who’s navigated tricky family dynamics. The woman’s refusal to have a child she doesn’t want pits her personal autonomy against her mother’s emotional plea, creating a rift that’s both deeply personal and universally relatable.

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The mother’s demand, while rooted in her own desires, reeks of emotional manipulation. Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents , notes, “Emotionally immature parents often expect their children to fulfill their unmet emotional needs.” Here, the mother’s fixation on a grandchild seems less about love and more about control, a pattern the OP has endured since childhood. Her refusal is not selfishness but a boundary set against a lifetime of overreach.

Zooming out, this story reflects a broader societal tension: the pressure on women to procreate, often tied to outdated notions of legacy. A 2021 Pew Research study found 44% of childless adults in the U.S. have no desire to have kids, yet face stigma for their choice. The OP’s situation highlights how personal decisions are often judged through a communal lens, especially when family expectations collide with individual choice.

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For the OP, maintaining her stance is crucial. Experts suggest clear communication and firm boundaries, per advice from Psychology Today . She could calmly reiterate her reasons to her mother’s friends, emphasizing her life’s priorities without guilt. By standing firm, she protects her mental health and her marriage’s harmony, inviting others to respect her choice rather than debate it.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

Cocoasneeze − NTA. You're really mature, responsible and smart to not have a child to appease another person. A child is not a toy that you can return once your mother got her few moments to coo over it. You'd be responsible for that child for at least two decades, and if you don't want a child, it would be crazy to take on that responsibility because your mother wants you to.

[Reddit User] − NTA but your mother and her friends sure are. You should never have a child because someone else wants you to. I’m sorry your mother is ill but to demand you have a child so she can be a grandmother is an incredibly selfish thing to do. You do you. Don’t have kids or do based on what you and your partner want, everyone else can shove their opinion right up their arse.

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soetningsmedel − So she wants you to have a baby that she can love for her last few months of her life. And then, when she is gone, what is gonna happen with the baby that you didn't want in the first place? Does her friends really want a child in this world that is not wanted? That is just plain bad. NTA.

SwiggyBloodlust − NTA. Look, normally I wouldn’t advocate this, but if you want to lie and tell her awful friends and her you and your husband are trying, or that you got checked and are infertile, no one would blame you. I know what It is like to have a complex relationship with a dying parent. Sometimes? Sometimes, you just gotta say what you can to get by.

brownbird8888 − NTA. Your mum was essentially using emotional blackmail on you. The fact that she has also complained to the world about your refusal to be forced into making a baby for her makes her highly manipulative as well.

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PoisonTheOgres − Come on, there is no way you think you are actually the a**hole for this

andandandetc − YTA for coming here to post this. Do you really have to ask whether or not you're the a**hole for being in control of your own reproduction? Come on, now. Figure out another way to pick up karma.

Badger1066 − I don't understand this obsession with having kids and why other people are so concerned whether or not you have them. It's weird, it's personal and just doesn't make sense to me.

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Lasarahann − NTA. Highly selfish of everyone else involved. Everyone wants you to ruin your plans and dreams for YOUR life because a family member is dying? I’m sorry, but no. Not to be cruel, but they die and you potentially resent a child for the rest of your life because you never wanted it? Sound the the start of a repeat cycle.

[Reddit User] − Nta. Period. Your body. Your life. NTA.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, cheering her resolve or slamming the mother’s manipulative tactics. Some saw the friends’ criticism as overstepping; others suggested a white lie to ease tensions. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family drama?

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This story isn’t just about one woman’s choice—it’s about the courage to live authentically, even when the world screams otherwise. The OP’s stand against her mother’s dying wish challenges us to weigh personal freedom against family expectations. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t mean sacrificing your truth. What would you do if faced with a similar demand from someone you love? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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