AITA for refusing an AirTag?

In a cozy living room bathed in soft morning light, Sarah clutches her coffee mug, her brow furrowed as she scrolls through heated messages on a parenting app. Her ex-spouse, Richard, has thrown a wrench into her plans for a dream overseas vacation with their 8-year-old son, Jack. His latest demand? An AirTag tucked into Jack’s shoe to track his every move. The tension is palpable, stirring memories of Richard’s controlling past, which required police-supervised custody exchanges.

Sarah’s heart aches for Jack, who feels the ripple effects of his father’s anger. She’s traveled with her son before, navigating bustling airports and vibrant markets without a hitch. Yet Richard’s relentless badgering makes her question her resolve. Is she safeguarding her privacy and peace, or denying Jack’s father a reasonable safety measure? This story dives into the murky waters of co-parenting, trust, and boundaries, unraveling a dilemma that’s all too real for many.

‘AITA for refusing an AirTag?’

I am taking my son Jack (m8) on an overseas vacation later this year. My ex-spouse Richard (45m) has been saying negative things about the trip and is now insistent we place an AirTag in Jack’s shoe so he can track him from his phone. It’s created a lot of back and forth with him being very upset. I’ve traveled with Jack many times without incident, but the badgering from my ex is making me question myself. AITA

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Edit:Richard refuses to let me register the AirTag to my phone. He will be at least 10 hours of travel away if not more and a 7 hour difference so not realistically available or able to help if there was an emergency. He has been very aggressive in the past and can only contact me via a parenting app.

All of exchanges of our son also must occur at the police station due to Richard’s behavior. Our parenting plan allows me to travel with my son without his approval beyond dates so he can’t stop the trip or force me to use an AirTag. Unfortunately when Richard is upset it impacts Jack so that makes me question myself.

Navigating co-parenting after a turbulent relationship can feel like walking a tightrope. Sarah’s clash with Richard over an AirTag highlights a deeper struggle: balancing safety with autonomy. Richard’s insistence on tracking Jack, paired with his refusal to let Sarah control the device, raises red flags about control rather than concern.

The opposing views are clear—Richard claims it’s about Jack’s safety, while Sarah sees it as an invasion of privacy, echoing his past aggression. According to a 2021 study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 62% of survivors reported technology-enabled abuse, including unauthorized tracking. Richard’s history of abusive behavior amplifies these concerns, suggesting his motives may lean toward surveillance.

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Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “In high-conflict co-parenting, requests for control often mask power struggles rather than genuine care” psychologytoday. Her insight applies here—Richard’s demand, coupled with his inability to assist in an emergency due to distance, undermines his stated intent.

For Sarah, a practical solution is to use an AirTag registered to her own phone, sharing access with a trusted third party, like a family member, for emergencies. This ensures Jack’s safety without compromising her privacy. Maintaining clear boundaries, documented communication, and adherence to their parenting plan can also shield Sarah from Richard’s pressure. By prioritizing Jack’s emotional well-being and her own safety, Sarah can foster a secure environment, inviting readers to reflect on how trust shapes co-parenting dynamics.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and savvy advice for Sarah’s saga. It’s like a virtual coffee shop where everyone’s got an opinion and a side-eye for Richard. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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Errvalunia − If you do get an AirTag, get one yourself and put it on your account. There’s no need to let your ex track you. If it would make you feel better you can share your location and the AirTag with someone you trust like your mom, who can involve your ex if something does happen. (I share my location with my mom when I go hiking so someone knows where to look if my husband and I somehow both fall in a ravine)

But what I do with my kids when we’re traveling somewhere busy is I put my phone number on their person—in their pockets, written on their arm, etc. Your kids getting turned around and lost in the crowd is FAR more likely than anything n**arious and 8 is old enough to be like “here’s my moms number” on a piece of paper when someone asks him if he’s lost.

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(Having your moms phone number in your bags is handy—as a teenager I hadn’t memorized my moms work number bc cell phones, so I had it on a slip of paper in case I lost my phone so I could try her at every number when needed. I left my purse behind in a pizzeria out of town and someone called my mom!)

Rayonjersey − NTA. Compromise and tell him you’ll put an air tag but pair it to your own phone. Kid is tagged and no intrusion into your vacation. If he says no, then it’s clear it’s about spying on you and control. If he says yes, then everyone is happy. Gives you the moral high ground.

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sidewalksurf − NTA, seeing that edit. if he's such an issue that the police have to be around for your safety during custody exchanges and he's only allowed to contact you through a (presumably court approved) parenting app, then it's safe to say he's trying to track you, not keep your son safe. i would, however, push to revisit custody arrangements if you not obeying your ex could put your son in harm's way. that's *really* concerning.

No_Huckleberry2350 − Nta. I wouldn't want my ex tracking my son and thus me, it may be that i am an older generation, but i would fin that really creepy and is also a sign that he thinks you can't be trusted.

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If your ex is really just worried about safety, tell him you will get an air tag that you have access to, you could even provide access to a trusted third party that he can reach out to in the unlikely event he cannot reach you or your son for 24 hours. That way, he knows that if your son gets lost he can be located quickly and you know that your ex won't be able to track your movements.

bh8114 − With your edit you must NOT use an AirTag. Do not give this man access to your every location in a foreign country. If you have to do your exchanges at a police station, then you are not safe enough foreign country with him being able to track you down at any moment.

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Unfair-Gift921 − are you taking him to Beirut? why the tracker?

leftmysoulthere74 − This is why I HATE Life369 and others like it. My ex-husband put it on my oldest’s phone when she started high-school. Didn’t tell me, until he outed himself by calling to question me about why she was at XYZ location. Me: “how the hell do you know *where she is?

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”(*where we are)I bought her a new phone, connected to my iPhone on a family plan but I don’t check the find my iPhone function unless she actually says “mum I can’t find find my phone - and since she’s a teenager who is permanently attached to it that’s rare..

I don’t need to track her everywhere she goes, I trust her until she gives me reason not to. When you have escaped from an abusive controlling husband and then find out that he can track your movements, via your kid’s devices, it’s scary.. So OP, you’re NTA.. Go and enjoy your holiday and don’t allow him to track you.

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DMV_Lolli − Absolutely not. I would feel like it’s just a control tactic for the ex to track *me*. I’d be paranoid that he might be setting me up to have an accident.

Informal_Branch_8354 − YOU get an AirTag so YOU can use it in case of emergency. Nothing he can do, he won’t know your kid is missing like you will within moments if the worst happens. The ex ain’t tracking you, you have additional info just in case. Everyone wins. NTH.

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username-generica − Even if you put your foot down and he gives in I would check all of your kid’s stuff the last time he visits his dad to see if your ex hid an AirTag or some other tracking device in your kid’s stuff.  I would make sure that you have a written record that you said no along with a written record of his response in case it becomes a legal issue in some way. 

These Redditors rallied behind Sarah, with many sniffing out Richard’s control tactics. Some suggested clever workarounds, like Sarah controlling the AirTag, while others urged vigilance against hidden trackers. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

Sarah’s stand against Richard’s AirTag demand underscores the delicate dance of co-parenting amidst lingering mistrust. Her focus on protecting Jack’s peace and her own autonomy resonates with anyone navigating a high-conflict ex. By holding firm, she’s carving out a safe space for her son’s joy-filled vacation. Yet the question lingers—where’s the line between safety and control? What would you do if faced with a similar demand from an ex? Share your thoughts and experiences below, and let’s keep the conversation going.

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