AITA for quitting my “job” with my husband’s business?

In a cluttered home office, where papers pile high and a cat’s new litter box sits quietly in the corner, a woman’s patience finally snapped. For five years, she toiled as her husband’s unpaid secretary, managing his business while he splurged on $1000 stamps and scoffed at her $50 pet purchase. Her bold move to quit sparked a family firestorm, with relatives calling it a tantrum. But was it? This Reddit saga dives into the messy world of unpaid labor and financial control.

Her story, raw and relatable, pulls readers into a domestic drama where loyalty clashes with self-respect. The sting of being undervalued, coupled with her husband’s dismissive grip on their finances, paints a vivid picture of a woman reclaiming her worth. As tensions simmer, the question looms: can she stand her ground without toppling the family balance?

‘AITA for quitting my “job” with my husband’s business?’

My husband runs a business out of our home. After his old secretary quit, he asked me to help out with her responsibilities. I’ve done this for five years now. This is my full time “job,” but there is no pay for it. He says I need no pay because I can buy whatever I like and he can pay the bills.

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I feel no ability to buy what I want, despite what he says. We have to replace our house’s septic tank, but he refuses to save money for it (he says he’ll take out a loan for it if we need it and pay it back). I can’t save money myself. Last week I saw a confirmation email that he’d just purchased a $1000 stamp for his collection without asking me.

This was after he got upset at me for buying a “too expensive” ($50) new litter box for the cat. Last week he was yelling at me about not preparing a client’s forms fast enough. I was ticked off and said “what are you going to do, dock my pay?”

He called me immature, and I said that I was quitting. He said it would hurt the business if I left, since he’d have to hire a secretary. I said that was his problem and I can get another job to make up for it. I’ve been submitting resumes. He’s said nothing to make me want to back down.

I told him that he could give me a salary and I would come back. But our family members think I should stop with the tantrum by now and just get back to work. They think it’s ridiculous that I want a salary for money that will go back into the same bank account.. AITA?

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This home-office showdown exposes the prickly issue of unpaid labor in relationships. The woman’s role as an unpaid secretary for five years, paired with her husband’s control over finances, screams imbalance. His $1000 stamp splurge while criticizing her $50 litter box buy highlights a power dynamic where her contributions are invisible. Family pressure to “get back to work” only deepens the sting, framing her protest as childish.

This reflects a broader issue: unpaid domestic work often goes unrecognized. A 2021 OECD report estimates women perform 2.6 hours more unpaid labor daily than men, impacting financial independence . Here, the husband’s dismissal of her contributions fuels resentment.

The woman’s demand for a salary is a bid for autonomy, not greed. She could propose a clear job contract with defined pay, or seek external work to build her own savings. Counseling could help address the financial control, fostering mutual respect. Her job hunt is a step toward freedom, but open dialogue might salvage the partnership.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this financial fiasco, served with a side of humor and outrage:

JumpOverTheHedge − NTA. A salary to you would probably benefit the business. It would certainly benefit you, your credit rating, and your ability to find work if you left him and needed to do so. It would mean that he didn't get to keep your wages for himself.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This sounds like financial abuse, wherein the spouse does everything they can to limit and control your financial situation. I would get my own job.

puppyfarts99 − NTA Sounds like it's time to explore a lawsuit against your husband's business, for back wages. I'm not even joking. Wage theft is wage theft, even if it's your own husband doing the thieving. I know it gets thrown around alot here, but what you're describing is financial abuse.

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Is the behavior you've described representative of how your husband interacts with you normally? Please read the book *Why Does He Do That?*, by Lundy Bancroft (there's a free pdf which you can easily find online). It may help you recognize some of the things that are leaving you feeling so sidelined and used by your husband.

NefariousnessGlum424 − NTA he sounds like he is financially abusing you.

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synesthesiah − NTA Oh look, another man profiting off the unpaid labour of his wife and thinking he can make unilateral financial decisions because he “makes the money”.

SaikaTheCasual − NTA If you work for him, you deserve a salary. He doesn’t just get free labour I’m surprised you put up with this for 5 years.. There is a huge difference in being allowed to *use his money* and have *your own money* to use.

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PommeDeSang − NTA. Get a job and also get a separate bank account because by no means should you put your money into a shared account with this man.

FirekeeperAnnwyl − NTA and omg is your husband rubbish with money!? You need a new septic tank but obviously a $1000 stamp is the real priority???

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calisexual − NTA!!! You have been working for no pay, and he is controlling your finances. He has not only stolen your wages, he has stolen your ability to control your own destiny. Please get professional counseling and possibly legal aid to assess how to move forward with your life, with or without him.

[Reddit User] − He's using you for slave labor wtf, you should have your own bank account and be getting paid, since he's clearly terrible with money anyway.

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These Redditors aren’t holding back, but do their fiery opinions miss the nuances of this marital mess? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s cheering for her to break free.

This tale of unpaid work and clashing priorities lays bare the cost of undervaluing a partner’s labor. The woman’s stand to quit her husband’s business is a bold cry for respect, but family pressure clouds her resolve. Will a salary fix the rift, or is this a sign of deeper cracks? Readers, what’s your take? Would you walk away from unpaid work in a family business, or try to negotiate a fair deal? Share your thoughts!

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