AITA for Questioning Why I Should Call My Dad and Stepmom ‘Parents’ When They Don’t Always See Me as Family?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a small town, an 18-year-old stands at the cusp of adulthood, his graduation looming like a beacon of freedom. Yet, his heart carries the weight of a childhood spent on the fringes of his stepmom’s family, unshielded by the parents he once called Mom and Dad.

His Reddit post lays bare a saga of exclusion—ice cream snatched away, vacations denied, and a persistent message that he wasn’t truly family. Now living with his best friend’s mom, he’s drawn a line, refusing to call his dad and stepmom parents or invite them to his milestone moment. His story stirs a universal ache: what does family owe us, and when is it fair to walk away? As he questions his choices, his raw honesty invites us to dive into the messy truths of loyalty and belonging.

‘AITA for Questioning Why I Should Call My Dad and Stepmom ‘Parents’ When They Don’t Always See Me as Family?’

To start with. I don't live with my dad and stepmom anymore. My best friend's mom let me move in with them when I turned 18 last month. This was a very last minute move and not one my 'parents' approved of. They argued to keep me with them and when I mentioned in our fight that I don't live with them anymore they said that was a decision I made not them.

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Anyway, moving onto the problem. I never knew my bio mom. According to dad she left when I was 2 weeks old and decided she didn't want to be a mom. She died just before my second birthday. This much I know is true because I have seen the obituary and what dad said does sorta make sense because it didn't mention me at all and only mentioned her family and friends.

I was 3 when my dad met my stepmom and I was 4 when they got married. I think I called her mom right from the start. I always knew my stepmom wasn't my real/bio mom. But she called me her son and said she was my mom so I saw her as the real deal. The thing is her family never wanted anyone to forget I wasn't her real kid.

They did not treat me as a grandson, nephew or cousin. I was treated as less than. It got worse when my siblings were born. My stepmom's parents would ask her for photos of their grandbabies and that meant me not being in those photos. My dad and stepmom never demanded I be treated equally.

They would never stand up to anyone who said I wasn't a part of my stepmom's family. Nah, they'd act like it wasn't happening and they'd let me be pushed out. But I was expected to call her mom. Even when her family corrected me and said she wasn't my mom I was supposed to keep doing it. I was 8 when I first used her name instead of calling her mom and I got into deep s**t when we got home.

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My dad told me I had made my 'mom' cry and how could I break her heart like that. One time when I was maybe 10 we were at my stepmom's parents house and their neighbors were there. They bought me an ice cream along with all the other kids there. My stepmom's mom actually took the ice cream cone out of my hand and tried to berate her neighbor for it, saying I was not a part of the party.

Her neighbor (the lady neighbor) asked why I was there if I wasn't part of the party and she said I wasn't staying. The lady neighbor said she didn't care and she wouldn't feel right leaving me out. It got tense and my stepmom's mom told me to go sit down and not accept the ice cream. My dad and stepmom watched the whole thing happen and did nothing to defend me.

When I was 12 I had decided they weren't my parents if they could be like that and I stopped calling her mom and instead used her first name all the time. I called my dad father instead of dad because it sounds way colder to me and because he technically is my father. Like biologically and legally. But my stepmom never adopted me.

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I stopped telling people she was my mom and said stepmom. And I started saying they weren't my parents. They didn't like it and I was grounded, punished, had privileges taken away for doing it but I saw no reason to give them more than they gave me. The breaking point for that had been a Disney vacation that I was excluded from.

My stepmom took my siblings but had agreed not to take me because her family didn't want me. Dad went with and I was sent to my best friend's house for a week. They never paid my best friend's (single) mom for it either even though they said they would. The fights got really bad in lockdown. And I would bring up my issues with them but they said I was blaming them for other people's actions.

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But when I asked if one of my siblings was treated the same as me would we see her family still, the answer was hell no before they backtracked. The issue over me not calling them my parents is still an issue and now my graduation is happening in a month and they are not on the list. I gave my list a few days ago.

Our school doesn't have much space for graduation so only people on the list can come. And when they realized they weren't on the list they called to complain. I ignored them but they left voice messages and then they showed up at my best friend's house to demand answers. They said I owed them better than all of this.

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I asked them why I should call them my parents, why they should get to see me graduate when they are fine with me not always being her son or family. I brought up how they stood by while that was said over and over again and did nothing to protect me.

They told me that's me again punishing them for the actions of others and not their own. I said it was their actions. They said I expected them to deny everyone the only family there, to deny my siblings the only family they have, for my feelings. They said it was selfish.. I think it's them being s**tty still but I wanted to check this with others. AITA?

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Family dynamics can sting like a paper cut—small but piercing. This young man’s tale of exclusion by his stepmom’s family, with his parents’ silence as the backdrop, reveals a wound of neglect. His dad and stepmom’s inaction—allowing relatives to sideliner him—signals a failure to prioritize his emotional security, a choice that echoes louder than words.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on family relationships, states, “The greatest gift parents can give is to make a child feel seen and valued” (Gottman Institute). Here, the parents’ passivity left the teen unseen, fostering resentment. Their defense—blaming others’ actions—sidesteps their responsibility to shield him, a pattern that 1 in 4 blended families struggles with, per a 2022 study (Journal of Family Psychology).

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This speaks to a broader issue: emotional neglect in blended families can erode trust, with 30% of stepchildren reporting feelings of exclusion. His rebellion—using first names, barring them from graduation—is less defiance and more self-preservation.

Advice: Therapy, both individual and family, could unpack his pain and clarify boundaries. He might consider a letter to express his hurt calmly, opening a door to dialogue without confrontation.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s chorus of voices rallies behind this teen, dishing out empathy with a side of righteous indignation. Their comments cut through the fog of his doubt, calling out the parents’ inaction with unfiltered clarity.

eratoesben − NTA I am so sorry that you are going through this OP and your childhood was awful. You never choose where and to whom you are born but you can choose who you have made your family, I am glad your best friend’s family has become yours. The fact of the matter is when you turn 18 the formality ends and you don’t owe anyone any type of relationship.

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We could all sit here and psychoanalyse the information you have shared and come up with theories of why you were treated this way but the crux of the issue is that you were treated appallingly and allowing this to happen is equally if not worse. Actions speak louder than words and frankly their actions speak volumes so don’t waste your breath getting into it with them.

You seem like you have a good head on you and I am sorry it’s because you had to grow up so fast and alone. Channel this energy into building yourself and creating your future. Cry if you need to, ride the emotional rollercoaster and get it all out but use it to fuel your own happiness.. You’re amazing, never forget that

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Crafty_Special_7052 − NTA it’s punishing them for not taking action to defend and protect you. They are major AHs here. I would go NC and block them.

Asirainis − My goodness. I, for one, am so sorry you went through this. You are definitely NTA. Good on your best friend’s mom for giving you a safe space to move into. They deserve to be put into the no contact region. Mute them, don’t block them. This way if things get aggressive, you have proof to file for a restraining order. They do not deserve you. You deserve better than them. Choose your family, exclude these punks. If you need to vent, I’m a message away.

pseudolin − I'm sorry that you went through what you did in your young life. Underscoring all this was that nobody was in your corner through their decision to NOT TAKE ACTIONS. Particularly your father. What gutted me was the whole ice cream episode. Both your father and step-mom stood by like they're strangers, watching a scene off a movie.

They could have intervened, spoken up for you, but chose to keep quiet because it was ALWAYS EASIER. Your father chose to be with someone who wouldn't stand up for you. And this is after that fact that you never knew your bio mom too. So essentially, it was ride or die with him, but he failed terribly.

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Even now, he still denies his involvement, failing to see that his inactions hurt even more because there's a high degree of indifference since the pain wasn't inflicted on him directly. I would say he ACTIVELY AVOIDED ANY DIRECT PAINS THROUGH HIS INACTIONS. He is one big AH father who takes no accountability for his own decisions.

He stood by while watching you get excluded, isolated, bullied by people whom he considered HIS family. And he blamed others? He was a doormat because it was EASIER. Your step-mom simply followed your father's lead after. She stood by because it's always easier than fighting for someone else's bio-child than to fight her own mother.

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She stood by because even though you came with your father as a package, your well-being was not your father's top priority. In fact, their own well-being was their top priority, followed by their bio-kids and everyone else's before yours. She's also the AH.

You will need therapy to get through these, to talk about these milestone events that repeated reinforced the idea that you're not important enough for your bio-father to be in your corner, to stand up for you, to actively tell you that you're included in his books even when you're excluded by others. That's what family is and I'm so sorry yours failed you.

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Life dealt you a lousy hand, but you drew a good card when you met your best friend and his mom. Cherish that, they chose you as family. That is important because they are your tribe, at least for now. NTA. I wish you all the very best in your future. Get away and succeed so much that your bio-father regrets having never stood up for you. Show them you are made of stuff that both the failure adults in your life could only dream of ever having. And keep your level-headedness.. Updateme

bluedreamer62 − NTA move on with your life and make your own family.

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HickAzn − Just so you know, I place most of the blame on you dad. How could he allow his child to be treated that way. Your stepmother is an AH as well. Maybe start calling her by her first name. Stick to your guns and trust your instincts. These miserable humans have repeatedly failed you.. NTA

el_grande_ricardo − NTA. From their actions, they showed they didn't value you. They never spoke up against the others' words, they never defended you or protected you from the cruelty of stepmoms family. They just kept dragging you back for more.. I don't blame you for cutting them off.

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Ok-Score-9075 − Oh man, NTA. They're awful and I am seeing lots of comments saying it was their inaction that caused this but they consistently put you in situations where you were emotionally abused. That is a conscious ACTION. Your sperm donor could have stayed home with you when he saw you were being treated so poorly but they made no effort to keep abusive people away from you.

I feel like exclusion is one of the absolute worst forms of bullying and to have to experience that throughout your childhood is awful. But to actively tell people not to give you stuff when they've already brought it for you is downright evil! Your sperm donor and that woman can get fucked. I hope you live an amazing life far away from both of them.

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BiscuitNotCookie − NTA Ask them why you should care about hurting their feelings over graduation when they have said right out they don't care about yours.

CaptainBeefy79 − NTA. Please correct them the next time they decide to get all b**t hurt that you’re actually punishing them for their INACTION when they decided it was ok not to stand up for an innocent child being berated for simply existing.

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These Redditors cheer his stand, urging him to build a chosen family. But do their calls for no contact oversimplify the tangle of love and hurt? One thing’s certain: the internet’s got his back, even if his parents didn’t.

This teen’s story is a gut-punch reminder that family isn’t just blood—it’s the people who fight for you. By stepping away from those who let him down, he’s carving out a space for healing and self-worth. His question lingers: when do we owe family loyalty, and when do we owe ourselves freedom? Have you ever had to redefine family on your own terms? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together.

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