AITA for putting my pregnant wife ahead of my mom when it is my mom’s birthday?

The air was thick with tension as a family dinner plan unraveled faster than a poorly tied knot. A devoted husband, caught between his pregnant wife’s discomfort and his mother’s birthday wishes, found himself at the heart of a heated dispute. His wife, seven months pregnant and battling a rough ride, needed consideration, but his mom’s dream of a seafood feast sparked a clash of priorities. The drama unfolded with raw emotion, leaving the family divided and feelings bruised.

This Reddit saga pulls readers into a relatable tangle of loyalty, love, and family expectations. The husband’s choice to stand by his wife stirred a storm, with Reddit users chiming in on whether he was a hero or a heel. The story’s vivid emotions and moral gray areas make it a perfect lens for exploring how pregnancy and family traditions can collide, inviting readers to weigh in on this delicate balance.

‘AITA for putting my pregnant wife ahead of my mom when it is my mom’s birthday?’

My wife is currently seven months pregnant and has been having a rough pregnancy. She is also pretty emotional right now which is as to be expected. My mom has a birthday coming up and i wanted to take her to dinner. My mom loves seafood and picked a restaurant which is about 40 minutes away.

My wife is uncomfortable being in the car for long stretches of time, and there isnt much on the menu she could eat as she can't have shellfish. i explained this to my mom and she said my wife can stay home. i told her my wife is particularly sensitive right now and that would make her feel bad.

My mom got annoyed and asked if she really had to pick something else because a grown woman 'couldn't be left home alone' I told her pregnancy isn't forever and please just work with us. She said to forget it. she wants seafood and all of the goo seafood restaurants are that far away.

I asked her to pick another type of cuisine though (she loves Mexican and we hibachi, both of which we have local) but she yelled at me that her birthday isn't about my wife. I accused her of being selfish and childish and said my wife comes first, so she hung up. Now everyone is telling me that I am an a**hole, and my wife is in tears as the whole family is mad at her.

Navigating family expectations during pregnancy can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of snapping alligators. The OP’s situation highlights a classic tug-of-war between honoring a spouse and respecting a parent’s special day. His mother’s insistence on a seafood restaurant, while understandable for her birthday, clashed with his wife’s physical and emotional needs, creating a no-win scenario. The OP’s decision to prioritize his wife stirred family ire, but was it justified?

Pregnancy often amplifies emotions and physical discomfort, as noted by Dr. Sarah Thompson, a family therapist, who states, “Pregnancy can heighten sensitivity to exclusion, and partners play a critical role in providing emotional support” . The OP’s choice reflects this, prioritizing his wife’s well-being over his mother’s wishes. However, his approach—offering his mom a choice then rejecting it—may have fueled her frustration, making her feel dismissed on her day.

This scenario underscores broader issues of family dynamics during major life changes. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 68% of new parents reported increased tension with extended family due to shifting priorities. The OP’s mother may feel sidelined, but her reaction risks alienating her son and daughter-in-law. A more diplomatic approach, like suggesting a compromise meal closer to home, could have eased the strain.

For solutions, Dr. Thompson advises open communication: “Acknowledge both parties’ feelings and propose alternatives that honor everyone’s needs.” The OP could apologize for the heated exchange, clarify his wife’s limitations, and plan a special birthday gesture for his mom, like a local dinner or a heartfelt gift. This balances loyalty to his wife with respect for his mother, fostering understanding without burning bridges.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s dilemma. Some cheered his loyalty to his wife, while others roasted him for fumbling his mom’s birthday. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the Reddit peanut gallery:

[Reddit User] − NTA and I'm glad you are making a stand when it comes to your pregnant wife. I'm sorry to say that your mum sounds awful. Does she often behave like this when it comes to your wife?

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MzzMolly − YTA. 40 minutes is not really a long drive, and your wife can either have fish (not shellfish), something else, or stay home for a few hours. Usually when you're treating someone for their birthday, you do something that they want to do. Your mother is not out of line here - she could have been kinder,

but you told her you were treating her for dinner, asked her to pick a restaurant, and then tried to make her change her birthday treat to suit your wife. Pregnancy is not a free pass to behave badly, for either you or your wife.

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spunkyfuzzguts − YTA. Why let your mother pick the restaurant if you knew there were restrictions? Why not offer her a choice of 2-3 restaurants that meet your wife’s requirements, if she absolutely has to go? And why does your wife need to go, if it doesn’t suit her? She can stay home, you can order her favourite takeout and she can relax, while you celebrate your mother.

MandyVeronica − YTA only for trying to control where your mom goes on her birthday

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[Reddit User] − YTA. It's your mum's birthday, she gets to pick. If your wife can't handle being alone for a few hours that's a different problem. You say your wife doesn't even like her, so why is she being so insistent on even coming?

PsychologicalMonk354 − YTA. Being pregnant doesn't mean the world revolves around your wife.

[Reddit User] − YTA, and accidentally made your wife shoulder the blame with your family. Your mum wants to go to a seafood place, as is her right. Her partner taking her where she wants is being supportive not enabling. Pregnancy is normal.

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You and your wife have the option of not ordering seafood (I don't eat seafood and have never struggled to find food I like on a menu when at seafood places with friends) or not going.. My judgement would be different if your wife had a deadly seafood allergy.

DottedUnicorn − YTA. I have a couple kids and when I was pregnant, if my hubby wanted to take his mom out somewhere I couldn't go to, I would have turned on a good movie with a tub of ice cream and enjoyed my quiet time. Your mom is right, your wife should be able to handle a couple hours apart. I'd apologize, buy ice cream for wife, and take mom out for seafood.

Rohini_rambles − I told her pregnancy isn't forever and please just work with us. **Why did you give her the illusion of choice?** You know very well that you intended to have your wife there, and she can't be in the car or eat sea food or stay home alone, although she has family close by who could be there with her for a couple hours.

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Knowing your self-created limitations, why did you tell her to pick a place? Why did you not tell her 'let's have a nice meal at home'? *Why did you set you mom up for this? You knew she loves seafood and would choose that, you knew that was a no-go.*

**Sounds like you manufactured a situation to make your mother sound irrational and unreasonable, and then say 'please work with us, pregnancy isn't forever'.** It was her birthday. Are you saying that you can't find the time to spend one hour alone with your mother, that your pregnant wife cannot find her own friends or family to be with for that period of time?.

Sounds like you created this situation to make your mother look bad. PS: I'm pretty sure I've seen other posts from you, that have the same 'my mother is unbelievable in her demands to spend time with me' with scenarios designed to make your wife look like the unknowing victim to your mother.. YTA

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Striking_Ad_6573 − YTA. It was her birthday, you don’t get to be making demands. Stay tf home and stop complaining.

These Redditors brought the heat, with some backing the OP’s protective stance and others calling him out for setting up his mom to fail. Their takes range from empathetic to downright sassy, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of clashing priorities shows how quickly family ties can fray under pressure. The OP’s heart was with his wife, but his delivery may have turned a birthday celebration into a battleground. Balancing love and loyalty is never easy, especially when pregnancy and family traditions collide. With a bit of empathy and compromise, this family might find a way to mend fences. What would you do if caught between your spouse and your parent’s big day? Share your thoughts below!

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