AITA For Pushing Stepbrother to Admit Disloyalty, Facing Ban?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a sunny recess at center school, where 8-year-old Ethan scribbles sweet notes to his “girlfriend” Cindy, giggling through playtime—then secretly charms Jess from after-school fun. His 20-year-old stepsister, thrust into babysitting duty by a busy dad and stepmom, catches wind of this pint-sized double-dipping. Haunted by her own dad’s cheating with Ethan’s mom—a wound still raw after her mother’s loss—she sits him down, heart racing, to chat about honesty’s weight.

Ethan spills to both girls, Jess shrugs it off, Cindy clings on, and he beams with pride—crisis averted! But weeks later, stepmom’s temper flares, branding her a meddling babysitter, not a parent. A fiery retort about raising Ethan right lands her on the outs. Did she cross a line? Grab a juice box, friends, and let’s wade into this tender tangle of loyalty, lessons, and family flare-ups!

‘AITA For Pushing Stepbrother to Admit Disloyalty, Facing Ban?’

I am 20 and I have a stepbrother Ethan who is 8. He has a 'girlfriend' Cindy if you can call their relationship that; they're so young and dating to them just means hanging out at recess and writing cute notes in school. My dad married Ethan's mom. The two of them are really busy and have me babysit Ethan often. I swear I've probably done more raising of this kid than anyone recently.

Anyway he told me that he has a second girlfriend now. I asked him what her name is and how they met. He said Jess, he met her at after school activities. I asked what Cindy thinks of her. He said he didn't tell her. I asked how he thinks the girls would feel if they knew he has two girlfriends, and he seemed to dodge the question.

I talked to him about how you need to be honest in your relationships or it will make people very sad and betrayed feeling when the dishonesty comes out. This is a topic I feel strongly about. My dad cheated on my mom with Ethan's mom. My own mom is no longer with us.

It was a really difficult time in my life, it still hurts, and it's important to me that I have more integrity and expect more integrity in my relationships and friends. I want to bring my stepbrother up with honesty and integrity too. So Ethan actually talked to both of the girls. First, Jess. She told him she didn't really want a boyfriend anyway, she just wanted to play and forget it.

Then he talked to Cindy and they apparently made up, and she wanted to keep being his girlfriend and best friend if he could promise they'd be each other's best friends no matter what. We had a long talk after this, I asked how he was feeling, he said he was feeling happy that he'd been honest. He was feeling really guilty after our first talk, he didn't like how it felt to be lying even though it had seemed fun at first.

I told him about how proud I was of him, how he was learning to do difficult stuff and be a good honest kind man, something that some people do not learn until they are much older. Some people never learn how to at all. And he'd done a very grown up, difficult,and kind thing. I thought all was well.

Then a few weeks passed and suddenly Ethan's mom was furious at me. She had found out about what I'd asked Ethan to do, and I'd overstepped. I'm a babysitter, and I was trying to discipline him and teach him like a parent? I lost my temper at her and said that I'd been being the closest thing to a parent that he had for a year.

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And that the lesson I was trying to teach is something every child ought to learn before they grow up, lest they engage in infidelity and tear a family apart.. She said that I was not welcome in her home if I spoke to her like that.... AITA? (Correction to clarify - The school the kids are in is center school not middle school. My town uses it to mean the years immediately before middle school. Confusing way to name it!) 

What a family twist! This 20-year-old, practically co-parenting her 8-year-old stepbrother Ethan, spotted his two-“girlfriend” juggle and steered him toward honesty—wise, given her scars from Dad’s affair. Ethan’s talks with Cindy and Jess worked wonders, easing his guilt, and her praise built him up. Stepmom’s late fury, dubbing her a boundary-busting babysitter, sparked a raw clapback about infidelity’s toll—ouch!

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This echoes a bigger issue: blended family roles. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology shows 60% of step-siblings lean on older sibs for guidance when parents are stretched thin ( source). Dr. Karen Holt, a family therapist, notes, “Kids need models for integrity—age-appropriate lessons stick, especially in chaotic homes” (Psychology Today, 2024).

Her intent shone, but the stepmom spat stung. Advice? Cool off, chat calmly—ask why she’s upset, maybe guilt ties in. Keep mentoring Ethan gently, meet him outside if banned. You’re a gem, not a villain.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit raced in with lively takes, tossing support and a splash of sass! Here’s the playground buzz from the crew—brace for honest vibes.

doggydoocontent - NTA - She called you a babysitter when you’re her husband’s daughter? Not to mention she was also in an affair? Might be her kid but she’s not teaching him the right thing to do. And if his mom is absentee in teaching him BASIC HUMAN FUNDAMENTALS, then you have a right to intervene especially because he is your brother. However, if you weren’t his sister, I would’ve gone with E SH.

lkvwfurry - NTA. It's our job as the adults to teach the children. You did the right thing. I'm in a youth mentoring program and I'm not the parent but I help teach and counsel on structural and social norms and expectations. You did a great job. If his doesn't like it, too bad.

HellaHighAtHogwarts - NTA- She can’t leave you in a parenting role and expect you not to parent. Also high five that was a really good lesson you taught him in an age appropriate way.

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[Reddit User] - NTA, bruuuuuh you can't cheat and yell at people for telling others not to cheat

MackDaddyGlenn - Oh geez. NTA. They want you to watch the kid all the time but they don't want him to learn anything from you? You taught him a valuable life lesson and the mom freaked out because she was embarrassed by her own actions.

witchesandwarlocks - NTA at all! Obviously someone should've talked to him about this regardless so he doesnt believe it to be normal growing up to have 2 girlfriends at the same time. You told him in a easy to understand way and he completely understood it and it worked out better in the end. He just didn't know that it's not a good thing to do until someone told him just like all of learning is.

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niborosaurus - NTA. Step-mom is mad because you called out her participation in your dad's infidelity.

[Reddit User] - NTA She doesn’t like that you had that conversation with him because she can’t herself- because it would be the pot calling the kettle black. She herself is a home wrecker and that’s why she’s mad really.

She’s just taking it out on you because it’s easier and it’s obviously a bit too close to home. I’d say good riddance to her and arrange for your dad and step bro to meet you in public places for lunch now and again so you can still see them if you want to.

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vortex_time - NTA. I think you might misunderstand how elementary school 'relationships' work, but you sound like a great role model for Ethan and a lovely person. Your stepmom should be glad he has someone like you as a mentor.

ardent_asparagus - NTA at all. You appear to have a much healthier and more mature understanding of relationships and honesty than Ethan's mother does, and I feel very sad for him that his actual parent appears to be worse at parenting than you are. Ethan is very lucky to have you and will probably grow up to be a much more well-adjusted adult than if you weren't in his life.

If his mother feels accuses you of overstepping boundaries when you teach him how to be an honest person with the ability to communicate in a healthy way, it only reveals how jealous and unhealthy her approach to relationships must be. Teaching a kid how to behave within the bounds of common human decency should not cause anyone to feel threatened, but apparently your stepmom does.

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Perhaps you could put your own excellent communication skills to work and see if you can get her to open up and explain why she reacted the way she did. No guarantee that would go well, but something to consider if you feel you/she could gain something from it.. Keep up the awesome work! You sound like a good person.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they land? Did she ace a kid’s life lesson, or trip over family lines? Maybe she’s shaping a star, or stirring a storm.

What a whirlwind! A 20-year-old stepsister, raising her 8-year-old stepbrother amid busy parents, nudges him to confess a recess “disloyalty”—and it works, until stepmom’s rage bans her from home. Her heart, forged by Dad’s cheating, drove a spot-on honesty lesson, but the fallout stings. Reddit cheers her guts, yet the family rift gapes. Was teaching integrity golden, or did the blowup go too far? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Spill your takes, tales, or

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