AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?

The air was thick with tension as a family gathering loomed, promising laughter but delivering drama instead. A father, caught between loyalty to his wife and love for his teenage daughter, faced a heart-wrenching dilemma. His daughter, born from a past mistake, stood at the edge of family acceptance, her presence a silent storm stirring old wounds. The Reddit post unveils a raw tale of hurt, miscommunication, and a desperate cry for attention that left everyone rattled.

What happens when a child feels like an outsider in her own family? The story dives into the messy reality of blended families, where forgiveness comes with strings and love battles resentment. Readers are drawn into a world where a single car ride becomes a battleground for deeper emotional scars, urging us to question how far loyalty stretches and who pays the price when it snaps.

‘AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?’

My wife and I have a son(17M) together. 16 years ago I was drunk and I slept with another woman which resulted in another child(16F). My wife forgave me but she made it clear that she doesn't want to be anywhere near my daughter. I have my daughter every other weekend and my wife would just go to her parents home every time she is with me.

A few days ago we were going out with my extended family and my daughter was also invited but her mom wasn't invited. She asked me if I could give her a ride and I said yes but when my wife found out she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there she doesn't want her to come with us.

I tried to change her mind but I couldn't so I asked both my brothers if either of them would bring my daughter with them. They both said yes so I called my daughter and told her I have some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles and she said it's ok Well we went there and both my brothers came and my daughter wasn't with either one of them.

They both said that my daughter told them she is going with the other one. I called her and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she is so everyone just left to search for her and after a few hours my son found her.

I was so mad at her I yelled at her and told her how she made us all worried.I took away her car(that I bought for her) as a punishment. Her mom has been calling me, saying I'm an a**hole and demanding I give her car back

Edit: just to clarify, she didn't drive there because it had a dangerous road and she is not a good driver so I told her she is not allowed to drive there. Edit: ok everyone I got it. I'm the a**hole. I gave her car back. it seems like everyone thought I was taking the car forever. I wasn't. It was just supposed to be for a month.

I tried to talk to her but she doesn't want to talk however she talked to my son and he told me she was very upset and didn't come because she thought I didn't want her there and the reason she didn't tell us where she was going was, as I guessed, to ruin my day and make me angry.

I called her and apologized and told her that we are going out again and promised that she'll come with me this time and she seemed happy about it. I also had a conversation with my wife and told her that as much as I wanted her to come with us if she can't be in the same car as my daughter then she needs to find someone else to give her a ride. She left to her parents home and I'm not sure what she is gonna do.

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This family’s saga is a stark reminder that blended families often navigate a minefield of emotions. The father’s attempt to juggle his wife’s boundaries and his daughter’s inclusion backfired, leaving a teenager feeling like an afterthought. The daughter’s disappearance was less about rebellion and more a cry for belonging, a reaction to being sidelined by her stepmother’s unresolved pain.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes in his work with The Gottman Institute (gottman.com), “Unresolved conflict in families can create emotional distance, especially for children caught in adult disputes.” Here, the wife’s refusal to share space with the daughter, paired with the father’s compliance, signals a deeper issue: the daughter is unfairly bearing the weight of her father’s past. This dynamic risks long-term estrangement, as the daughter’s actions scream for validation.

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The broader issue is the impact of parental conflict on children in blended families. Studies, like those from the American Psychological Association (apa.org), show that 60% of blended families face challenges integrating stepchildren, often due to unresolved resentment. The daughter’s stunt reflects a common response to perceived rejection, amplifying her need for her father’s advocacy.

To navigate this, the father should prioritize open communication. Family therapy could help unpack the wife’s lingering pain and foster empathy for the daughter’s position. Setting firm boundaries—like insisting the daughter rides with them—shows commitment to her inclusion. Readers are encouraged to reflect on how families can heal by prioritizing children’s emotional security over adult grievances, fostering unity through honest dialogue.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of support and shade. From calling out the father’s spinelessness to questioning the wife’s grudge against an innocent teen, the comments are a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd:

CleanCucumber620 − YTA. I'm sorry I get that your wife is upset with your cheating but she is putting all her anger and hurt feelings onto your daughter. You have two children and if your wife can't see that, then you both should end this relationship.

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Your daugther deserves to have her dad in her life as much as your son does. If your son is allowed to come with you to an event, then so should your daugther. And if you want to support your wife and can't stick up for your child then she is better off without you.

a_small_moth_of_prey − YTA for making your daughter feel unwelcome and unwanted and then punishing her for acting out instead of sympathizing her. She is not responsible for your infidelity. It is not fair that you let your wife punish her for your mistake.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − ESH. You are TA for letting your wife mistreat your daughter like this. What did your daughter ever do to deserve being ostracized? It's weird that your wife can forgive you for your infidelity while taking her anger and frustration out on an innocent girl who had nothing to do with the poor choices you made.

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I can't blame your 16 year old daughter for not wanting to come to an event where has already been made to feel unwelcome, but I do think that the way she went about turning down the invitation was wrong. She should have confronted you outright instead of passive aggressively telling each of her potential rides that she already had the transportation covered.

All in all, I'm far more willing to forgive a 16 year old's short-term thoughtlessness over the chronic abuse inflicted by a spineless grown man and his shrew of a wife. As for taking the car, let me tell you how this will play out long-term.

She will eventually come to realize that she doesn't need a darn thing from you and that you can keep your stupid gifts if you're just going to hold them hostage to her placid compliance. Ten years from now you're going to be wondering why she never calls or visits. You will likely have forgotten all about this situation by then, but I guarantee that she will still remember.

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Upstairs-Banana41 − YTA, but not really for the car thing - you're AH for creating a situation your child feels unwanted and a burden. I get your wife - I don't know if I would be able to be around my partner's affair kid - but nevertheless, this situation sucks for your daughter.

MembershipJaded5215 − Wife - AH - forgiveness does not carry a prison sentence towards innocent children who did not commit a crime. If your wife wants to be part of your life, then she needs to be part of it. Not carefully edited to her liking. OP - AH - stop letting your wife punish your daughter. If she is part of your life and you been forgiven.

Then you daughter who committed no wrong should be given half a chance.. Uncle's - sorta clueless but it's wasn't there job to ensure daughter got a ride.. Daughter - brilliant. Your daughter was crying out for attention. She was happy with herself because she saw what has been inflicted onto her for who knows how many years.

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What kind of lame punishment could you possibly dish out over being repeatedly made to feel unimportant and a faint inconvenience? Did you take her phone away? Send her to her room? Ground her from seeing her friends? I doubt beating her would correct this emerging behavior. Because at the end of the day. At least you are paying her attention.

You are actually there showing her what she really means to you.. Now enough of the excuses. Sense when does forgiveness carry a sentence for an innocent child?. Your daughter didn't do anything to justify you wife wrath.. Now stop throwing your own fit becuase she is acting out in ways to get your attention.

Instead, take your wife car away too. After all you were forgive and if you could have just given your daughter a ride like your promised to do. Your daughter would not have been emotionally hurt to the point of begging for any attention that she could get from her father.

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SandwichThin3487 − YTA- you failed your child. Hey kid you can go to the family function but your step mom can’t stand the sight of you much less get in a car with you. Since you are a child plus a s**tty driver, in order to be in my esteemed presence and your evil step mother’s golden presence, you must ride with one of your uncles.

16 year old child that has been left out and mentally abused by dad and step mom for something the child had NO control over is once again left to feel like less decides to tell Dad FU and FU step mom and not go and not answer you because she rightly was upset, sad, pissed etc… Jesus man - she is 16 and every time you pick your wife over her.

Every time. You were the one who effed around and got found out not your child. So instead of seeing this a hit you over the head with a hammer cry for help from your daughter you double down and take her car. Once again showing her your the boss and even when you treat her like the ugly u wanted step kid- you stab the knife in to make sure she knows it.

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I know what she did was wrong scary but it got your attention. You created this scenario not her. Do you think this would have gone down if you had picked her up? Your wife has created an untenable situation and it is screwing with your child.

Get therapy and get family therapy. 16 years are not adults - this is a horrible situation to place a child in so you must be the adult and figure this out because you will lose your daughter with this type of alienating behavior. My heart hurts for her. Be a father.

Vos-loves-Ventress15 − YTA.. I feel bad for your partner for your a**ltery, and your daughter for this overreaction.

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semicoloncait − Why is your wife able to forgive you for cheating but feels the need to punish your daughter who has not wronged her?. YTA for letting things get this far. Was your daughter’s behaviour a problem? Of course - but a far bigger problem is that you and your wife cannot act like mature adults. In those circumstances why should she at 16?

hellocloudshellosky − YTA - and YWTA - Your Wife’s The A**hole. Totally. Your daughter has had to grow up knowing her dad is married to someone who makes no secret of wishing she - *your child*- didn’t even exist. This should never have happened. Once you decided to be in your daughter’s life (the right thing to do) your wife had two options:

either divorce you bc she couldn’t deal with your cheating and the resulting child; or stay and commit to working through her jealousy and acknowledging that your daughter is part of your life and therefore also part of her’s. What the two of you have done instead amounts to emotional abuse and big surprise! The kid is acting out!

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You think she didn’t figure out your childish, selfish wife wasn’t willing to even have her in the car? That you were willing to put up with that crap, as usual, instead of standing up for your own kid? Then she loses the car you gave her as - what, a secret Santa? Oh, no. forgot, you’re her FATHER. Seems you and your wife do your best to forget this too.

If you guys don’t address the situation and agree it’s long past time for both of you, together, to acknowledge this child is real family, despite the pain involved with how that came to be, you can expect many more incidents of so called “acting out”, culminating with your daughter either disappearing on you to salvage her ego, or worst case scenario, self destructing.

Why am I reacting so intensely to this post? I’ve been in the shoes you’re now forcing your daughter to wear. It got harder and harder to walk in them. As I got older, knowing my father chose his wife’s wishes over my existence, I felt horrible about myself. I acted out. I got into huge, almost obliterating trouble in my teens. Then I gave up on him. I last spoke to him when I was 21 years old. Decades ago.

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Slipstream_Surfing − So really the only question here is why your daughter didn't drive herself in her own car. The vehicle that you hadn't yet taken away in a major overreaction.

These Redditors rallied, some cheering the daughter’s bold move, others slamming the adults for letting her feel like a burden. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just stoking the drama?

This tale of a fractured family leaves us pondering the delicate balance of loyalty, forgiveness, and love. The father’s apology and promise to include his daughter next time are steps forward, but the road to healing is long. Blended families often walk a tightrope, and this story shows how easily a child’s heart can become collateral damage. What would you do if you found yourself caught between a partner’s resentment and a child’s need for acceptance? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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