AITA for pulling out of the agreement to babysit my stepkids siblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban neighborhood, tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove. A devoted stepmom, juggling her role in a blended family, finds herself at a crossroads after years of selfless childcare. Her decision to step back from babysitting her stepkids’ siblings has ignited a firestorm of criticism from her husband’s ex and in-laws, leaving her questioning her choice.

The drama unfolds with raw emotions—hurt, frustration, and a yearning for respect. Readers can’t help but wonder: is she wrong for prioritizing her dignity, or is she caught in a web of family expectations? This story tugs at the heartstrings, inviting us to explore the messy realities of blended families.

‘AITA for pulling out of the agreement to babysit my stepkids siblings?’

I need you all to tell me the truth here because I am starting to feel guilty for not feeling more guilty. I have three stepkids (12, 11 and 9) and I have been with their dad for 7 years and married for 5. We share 2 year old son. My husbands ex has two other children ages 7 and 3.

Back when we first got married I was okay with babysitting the now 7 year old occasionally when she was working and the kids were out of school to save her money for the sake of the kids. And then last year we came to an agreement where I would take the kids for two hours Thursdays and Fridays after school on her time and ours.

But honestly she has never been too nice to me. I did it for the sake of the kids. But now they don't treat me with much respect outside of their dad's parenting time. It's something that has been brought up because it does hurt when they dismiss or ignore me and it happens a lot in the last year and a half.

Their mom seems to feel threatened by my saying hi to my stepkids in public on her parenting time. My husband has told her to knock it off because one time she told me straight out I didn't have her permission to speak to her kids. And there has been some noticeable favoritism with their two siblings from their mom over their brother here.

They show no interest in him, never want to spend time with him, but from what we can see they are very bonded with both their other little siblings and it bothers me. But mostly I feel like I am trying to put the kids first and getting s**t on for it which I'm not okay with anymore. And I don't want it to negatively affect my son.

So I told my husbands ex I was not going to do it after January 29th (this was at the start of the month) and now she's pissed and she's saying what a b**ch I am for taking our issues out on the kids and my in-laws have said similar stuff. They think I should be more understanding and that my stepkids will appreciate me more for it some day.. AITA?

Navigating blended families can feel like walking through a minefield blindfolded. In this case, the stepmom’s choice to stop babysitting highlights a clash of boundaries and respect. The ex’s hostility and the kids’ dismissive behavior signal a deeper issue: a lack of mutual appreciation for her role.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Stepparents often face loyalty conflicts, where children and ex-partners may resist their presence” (source: Psychology Today). Here, the ex’s demand for free childcare while denying basic courtesy underscores an entitlement dynamic. The stepmom’s hurt is valid—her efforts to bond with the kids are met with rejection, likely fueled by the ex’s influence.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: stepparents are often expected to give endlessly without reciprocity. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found 65% of stepparents report feeling unappreciated in their roles. Setting boundaries, as she did, protects her emotional well-being and models self-respect for her son.

Advice: Open dialogue is key. The husband should mediate a calm discussion with his ex to establish mutual respect. If the ex refuses, the stepmom should maintain her boundary guilt-free. Seeking a family therapist could help align expectations and foster healthier co-parenting dynamics.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their hot takes are as spicy as a summer barbecue! Here’s what the community had to say about the stepmom’s dilemma:

Cocoasneeze − NTA. She expects you to babysit her children for free, but you have no right to speak to her children outside of that babysitting? Yeah, that's not right. You three need to sit down and set boundaries. If you're requested to be the babysitter for her kids, then basic level of PARENTAL respect needs to be required from the kids and all the parents toward you. Your husband needs to set his family straight, that this is none of their concern.

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iLikeYourUsernameLuv − My husband has told her to knock it off because one time she told me straight out I didn't have her permission to speak to her kids. I would have ended it right then and there lol ok no problem can't babysit if I can't speak to them BYE. NTA

Allthatisevil − You have been with your husband for 7 years, married for 5... And you can't say 'hi' to the kids in public? What is this? Your husband's ex is an a**hole, for sure, but your husband? That's the a**hole with whom you should be mad. Finally, I do get that you are jealous that the older kids aren't as interested in your kid, but... Come in, it was going to happen given how you have been treated by their mom and their dad.

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. Ask the in-laws to babysit if they feel so bad for the kids.

funkywhitesista − NTA. You are being taken advantage of.

ConstructionNo2780 − NTA, not even a little bit. That mom seems very entitled and horrible. I wouldn't be surprised if she was talking bad about you to the kiddos and giving them permission to treat you this way. I'm so sorry!

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Prechrchet − NTA: you are under no obligation to babysit children that are not yours. If your husband's ex wants/needs help, she needs to change her attitude and instruct her kids to do the same. Otherwise, you are simply being used.

fatshitcrazy − NTA Your step kids siblings are absolutely not your responsibility in any way. If your in laws have a problem with it then they can look after them. Your step kids are not going to respect you more for it at all they literally wont care either way. Also why are you doing favours for your husbands ex when she cant even respect you or be civil to you? Her kids her problem.

cassietel0108 − NTA; she can't just be rude to you and expect you to just keep doing favors for her. These are not your children, you have no responsibility to them. Until she is nicer to you and teaches her children to be more respectful, don't bother. You are right to not feel guilty.

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Last_Discipline_9753 − NTA first off you are a step parent/parent and not the help! If she wants to treat you like the help then she can start paying you. You have every right to speak to your step children whenever you see them. I’m sure if her husband was treated like you are by your husband she would be livid. I think the four of you need to sit down and have a talk about mutual respect.

These opinions echo loudly online, but do they mirror real-world solutions? One thing’s clear: Reddit’s rallying behind boundaries over babysitting drama!

This stepmom’s story is a raw glimpse into the complexities of blended families, where love and limits collide. Her choice to prioritize respect over obligation sparks a bold question: where do we draw the line in family duties? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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