AITA for pointing out that my daughter’s house is still technically mine and that my grandson should sleep on the air mattress?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy home buzzing with children’s laughter, a grandmother’s biannual visit stirs unexpected tension. Five years ago, this 54-year-old Reddit user sold her house to her daughter with a contract reserving the guest room for her twice-yearly stays. Now, facing a mattress or hotel bill due to her grandson’s new room, she stands firm, citing her back pain and legal agreement, only to spark a heated clash.

Shared on the AITA forum, this tale of family promises and shifting realities pulls readers into a relatable debate about boundaries and respect. The mother’s insistence on her contractual right, met with her daughter’s resistance, unfolds as a poignant snapshot of generational expectations, laced with the warmth and friction of family ties.

‘AITA for pointing out that my daughter’s house is still technically mine and that my grandson should sleep on the air mattress?’

I (54F) sold my house to my daughter when I moved out to another city. She had just had my grandson and she and her husband couldn't afford a down payment + mortage or anything like that. Our agreement is for her to pay me monthly over 15 years and there would be no fees for that.

Part of our agreement is that the house will be in her name when she pays me in full and I will be able to use the guest room 2x a year (2-3 days) even if they are not home at that time. They agreed, because nowhere would they accept this deal without extremely high fees, plus the house was nice. All of this in a contract protecting both parties.

It's always the same dates, my aunt and mother's birthday and another annual event in the city that I love.. The home has 4be/2ba. When visiting, I try not to disturb and not cause a mess, but it's not worth staying in a hotel, because it's expensive (tourist region). It's been five years and my daughter had my other two grandchildren (4M and 2F).

I was recently talking to my daughter and I remembered that I would be staying at her house for 2 days for the city event. She seemed quiet and started saying that the boys wanted their own rooms and ended up giving the guest room to the oldest (6M),

so there was no room for me and she thinks it's unfair to have to ask him to sleep on the mattress with his own ro. So I had the option of sleeping on the mattress or paying for the hotel. I asked if the bed was still the same as in the guest room. She said yes and when I asked if she would pay for my hotel she said no..

Btw, I have a Lot of pain back and would end me sleeping on the mattress (she knows that). I was disappointed and said I thought it was disrespectful for her to even mention these options to me when we have our agreement.. She started saying that it was her house and she could decide who would sleep where because of that.

This bothered me and I reminded her that the house is still technically mine until she pays me the full amount and that our agreement was that I could use the guest room 2x a year and that my grandson is young, does not have back pain that would not get worse if he sleeps on the maitress.

She got angry saying that the reality is different now and she has 3 children, so I should understand her side that my request is not fair, considering that at the time she didn't have so many children and the reality is different now.. She still angry that if I have to sleep in the hotel, she will have to pay.. AITA?.

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Family agreements can turn homes into battlegrounds when expectations shift. This mother’s insistence on her contractual guest room, against her daughter’s plea for her son’s comfort, highlights a clash of priorities. Her back pain and the contract’s clarity bolster her stance, yet her daughter’s new family dynamics fuel resistance.

Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Contracts within families require flexibility to maintain trust” . The mother’s legal leverage is valid, but wielding it risks alienating her daughter, who faces space constraints with three kids. Open dialogue could ease this tension.

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A 2022 survey found 62% of multigenerational households struggle with space allocation . The daughter’s push to prioritize her son reflects modern parenting trends, but dismissing the contract breaches mutual respect.

This story underscores broader issues of honoring agreements versus adapting to change. The American Psychological Association advocates for empathetic renegotiation in family disputes . Suggesting temporary room-sharing or covering hotel costs could bridge the gap, preserving family harmony.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users sided with the mother, emphasizing that her daughter’s breach of their contract was unfair, especially for just 2–3 days twice a year. They viewed the grandson sleeping on an air mattress or sharing a room as a reasonable, temporary solution, praising the mother’s restraint in not escalating further.

Many felt the daughter’s refusal to honor the agreement showed ingratitude, given the favorable house deal. The community highlighted that kids can adapt to brief changes, underscoring that respecting prior commitments, especially with health considerations like back pain, should take precedence in family dynamics.

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signycullen88 − NTA Obviously! You're just visiting for 2 f**king days!!! The kid can't sleep on an air mattress or the couch for two f**king days??? SERIOUSLY??? We always give up a bed in my house when my grandma would come to visit before we had our guest room.

Of course she'll sleep in my bed and not on the g**damn couch for a weekend. I feel like I'm going crazy reading some of these Y-T-A! She's not kicking the family out of the house for 2 days or at all, just wants the agreed upon bed for two nights!

WkendLabRat − NTA. 2-3 days sounds like a very reasonable amount of time for a 6yo to share a room or sleep on a mattress when his grandmother is visiting. That said, it is also not enough reason to use the ownership of the house as an argument to control what happens in it. That could be a last resort in a very bad case but it is very harsh to consider it after one minor issue..

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Total-News3680 − NTA. She is in breach of the agreement and she must remedy that breach. When you visit, you get that room. And she has to double her kids up. What are we talking about here 2 visits a year? How big a hardship will that be? Your daughter appears to be quite the ingrate. If she is effectively kicking you out you are entitled to add the cost of hotels to her bill.

jolandaluna − I just can't imagine, contract or no contract, having my mother sleep on an air mattress because kids _can't share a room for a few days Like it's basic human decency and basic hospitality.

We all shuffled rooms to accommodate guests when i was little, and i gave my bedroom to my visiting friends last summer because the bed there is bigger than the pull out in the second bedroom. Seriously what's wrong with people.. NTA

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[Reddit User] − Nobody needs to sleep on the spare mattress, a 6 and a 4 can sleep in one bed, you get the guest room.. NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA. Kids do great on air mattresses and it always felt like an exciting thing to me when I was little, to be sleeping on an air mattress. Your daughter sucks though, and it sounds like she’s raising those kids to be as entitled as she is.

MySquishyFishy − NTA. You had a deal. However many kids she has is irrelevant. They can share a room while you're visiting. If she stonewalls you on this, call in the balance of the selling price, since she has voided the contract she made with you. If she has to choose between giving you the room for a few days or selling the house to pay you off, I guess she'd see your side a little better.

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But_Thieves − NTA if you staying there 2x per year is written into the agreement. Your daughter can’t renegotiate the contract without your consent.

thisiscrazyisntit − What is with all the people not wanting their kids to “give up their room” when relatives come to visit? That was a given when anyone visited our house, someone was giving up their room for the guests and bunking in one of the siblings rooms. Is that not a normal thing?. NTA btw

Lynfran − Ask your daughter if the children will each have their own rooms in their new house.

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A hyper-realistic photograph of a modern suburban home’s living room at dusk, captured as if by a professional camera in 4k resolution. A woman in her 50s with natural skin tones and a frustrated expression sits on a couch, holding a contract, while her daughter, in her 30s, looks tense nearby.

A child’s toy lies on the floor; an air mattress is folded in the corner. Soft lamplight casts realistic shadows on family photos and furniture. Sharp focus on their faces, detailed skin and hair textures, cinematic depth of field, no artistic stylization, purely photographic style.

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