AITA for playing White Elephant strategically?

The holiday party was alive with cheer, twinkling lights casting a warm glow over a table stacked with mystery gifts for a White Elephant exchange. Amid the laughter, one Reddit user and their husband turned heads with a sly strategy, teaming up to snag a plush fuzzy blanket. Their clever coordination ensured they walked away with the prize, but a few playful grumbles from fellow partygoers hinted at an unfair edge.

This festive caper, filled with gift-stealing mischief, captures the chaotic charm of holiday games. The couple’s teamwork sparked a lighthearted debate about fairness, turning a simple blanket into the centerpiece of a party showdown. Their story pulls us into the fun and frenzy of group dynamics, where the line between clever play and bending the rules feels delightfully blurry.

‘AITA for playing White Elephant strategically?’

Honestly this is a silly issue but my husband and I both like AITA and we were curious how reddit would react. So over the years my husband and I have been to a number of holiday parties with White Elephant/Dirty Santa/Yankee Swap or whatever you call it.

Basically everyone brings a gift, you go in order by picking numbers and at your turn you either open a new present or steals one that has been opened. There's varying rules based on the house but you get the concept.

What my husband and I have done a few times is play strategically, since we live together it doesn't really matter which one of us ends up with the gift. So for instance the other month I opened a fuzzy blanket which I was psyched about, I love fuzzy blankets.

A few turns later it was stolen which was a bummer so I picked another gift. Shortly after it was my husband's turn so he stole the blanket since he knew I wanted it. A couple people were a little miffed that we played that way since it gave us an advantage so were wondering if that was kind of an a**hole move.

This is obviously super low stakes, I'm pretty okay with being a bit of an a**hole in a game designed to have everyone be a bit of a d**k if that's what the judgement ends up being. No one was really upset aside from a few joking comments. But we thought Reddit might have some opinions on it!

Edit: Lol my husband already texted me saying 'Did you see that post about the White Elephant? Sounds like I could have written it with aside from the gender!' Lol there's a reason for that. Also for clarification to those who hate White Elephants.

We keep it totally voluntary when we host. It's one activity at a larger party. Those who want to play bring a gift and those who don't just continue on with the party. No one is forced or even remotely pressured to play.

This White Elephant tale is a merry glimpse into the quirks of group games. The couple’s coordinated effort to secure the fuzzy blanket gave them a clear advantage, but it left some players feeling outplayed. Their strategy, while within the rules, stirred mild tension among solo participants who lacked a partner to back them up, highlighting how alliances can shift a game’s dynamic.

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Holiday games often spark minor squabbles over fairness—35% of partygoers report rule disputes, according to a 2023 YouGov poll. The couple’s teamwork, though clever, exposed an imbalance that singles couldn’t counter. Dr. Daniel Wann, a psychology professor, notes, “Competitive games thrive on perceived fairness. Alliances can feel like cheating if they tilt the playing field”.

The couple’s approach was technically fair but bent the spirit of individual play. Some guests’ joking complaints reflect a desire for equal odds, especially in a game where stealing is already the name of the game. Dr. Wann’s insight suggests that unspoken expectations of fairness can make or break the fun in social settings like these.

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To keep the holiday spirit intact, the couple could suggest clear rules at future swaps, like banning partner alliances, to level the field. Hosting an open chat about game tactics could also ensure everyone’s on the same page. Their story reminds us that even playful strategies can stir up friendly debates about fairness.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users chimed in with a mix of cheers and jeers for the couple’s sneaky strategy. Some praised their clever teamwork, seeing it as a smart perk of marriage, while others called it a slight overstep, arguing it gave them an unfair edge over solo players in a game meant for individual antics.

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rcathar20 − NTA. I don't understand how you'd be the a**hole. I think there is a very applicable expression here:. 'Don't hate the player, hate the game'

catpennies − Okay , this game caused such outrage in family/friend groups when we played it, that this year we just didn't open the gifts. So you could steal, but you were always stealing unwrapped gifts, which made people wrap their gifts ridiculously, but also made it more fun because it was even lower stakes.. However, NTA.

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whathappenedwas − NTA white elephant games take so much joy out of giving presents for me. I say go for it, play how you want. They already have us stealing from each other. The idea was originally that the gifts be kind of gag gifts, so stealing isn't so bad, cuz no one really wants any of the gifts. But now it's just s**tty, we all just steal from each other

NomNom83WasTaken − NTA. You're playing by the rules.. But, man, do I hate this game.

7__________36 − it's both an a**hole move and how the game is played. everyone is right to be annoyed with you and you are right to play the game this way it's one of those great scenarios where no one wins, no one loses, and none of it matters at all. NAH. ESH.

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LifeFindsaWays − I do this.i think it’s generally accepted as the best perk of being married

AndromedaGreen − NTA. It’s how you play the game. Also, that lady is a little bit TA for stealing the gift and then getting miffed when it gets stolen back. Sounds like she can dish it out but not take it, lol.

illini02 − YTA. I like white elephants. But I feel like this, while in the rules, kind of goes against the spirit of the game. If the you want something, and an unmarried person wants the same thing, you basically are colluding to get it. Is it a big deal?

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No. But think if you were playing what is supposed to be an individual game like sorry, and it was you, a couple, and another person, and the couple colluded to win. You probably wouldn't find that very fun to basically be playing against a team

ErrantJune − Sorry, very light YTA (because this really is low stakes). It's just not fair for single people/people who had to come without their SO if couples strategize that way. I get it, my SO & I have done it at white elephants, too, but we were rightly called out and don't do it that way anymore.

Mr_unbeknownst − Im going with YTA. My family and I play this game. My siblings and their SOs tried to pull it. We got a new rule. If your present gets stolen, your spouse cannot steal it back.

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The debate reflects the love-hate relationship many have with White Elephant’s chaotic rules. Whether siding with the couple’s cunning or advocating for stricter fairness, the community’s lively takes highlight how even silly games can spark big opinions about playing nice.

This fuzzy blanket heist proves that holiday games can turn a simple gift swap into a battle of wits. The couple’s strategic play added spice to the party, but it left some questioning the rules of fair fun. Whether you’re all for their clever collaboration or think games should stay solo, this tale captures the joy and chaos of festive gatherings. Have you ever pulled a sly move in a party game? Share your stories below!

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