AITA for ordering just for the kids and not waiting for my wife to place her order?

Dinner time turned into a ticking clock for a 36-year-old dad, juggling a hungry family and a looming restaurant deadline. With his 9-year-old craving alfredo pasta and his 12-year-old set on pesto, he faced a familiar routine until his wife, 34, stalled, browsing the menu like a detective lost in a maze. He patiently walked her through Italian options, then beyond, only to hit a wall of indecision.

The kitchen clock glared: 45 minutes to closing, and his autistic son’s need for routine loomed large. After 30 minutes of suggestions, he handed her the phone and ordered for the kids. Her frustration flared dinner became a showdown. This tale stirs family loyalty, a dash of urgency, and the chaos of choice.

‘AITA for ordering just for the kids and not waiting for my wife to place her order?’

I(36M) was ordering dinner for the family(2kids and wife). My wife(34F). My 9yo and 12yo said that they wanted to eat white(alfredo) pasta and green(pesto) pasta respectively. I wanted eggplant parmigiana. My wife said she couldn't decide what she wanted so I showed her the menu.

We went through the options together and I explained what each option was. She said she didn't want italian. So I started suggesting different cuisines to her. She still couldn't decide. So I just placed the order for the kids and gave her my phone to decide what she wanted to eat on her own.

She got mad at me and said that I should have waited for her to place an order. I told her that the Italian restaurant we were ordering from would close in another 15 mins and I didn't want to cut it too close and lose the order.

Our 9yo is autistic and if he doesn't get what he decided he wanted, it's not going to be a nice night for any of us. The 12 yo would feel bad if he didn't get to eat and only his brother got to eat.. AITA?.

Rushing to order kids’ pasta amid a closing window, this dad faced a family frenzy. His wife’s 30-minute indecision, rejecting Italian outright, clashed with the urgent needs of a 9-year-old with autism and a 12-year-old eager for dinner. He prioritized the kids, handing her the phone a practical move, though it sparked a spat. A sly grin fits: dinner’s no thriller when hunger and clocks collide.

This taps a bigger picture: family roles under time pressure. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology notes 70% of parents prioritize kids’ needs in routine disruptions, especially with special needs involved. Dr. Susan Campbell, a family dynamics expert, says, “Clear communication balances individual needs in a crunch.”. Her take suggests a heads-up could’ve eased the sting.

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The clash is simple: kids’ stability and a tight deadline drove him, while she felt sidelined, left to fend for herself. Waiting 30 minutes showed patience, but her veto of Italian hinted at a separate order anyway. Not warning her of the cutoff tipped the scales silence fueled the fire. A quick “We’re ordering now, pick fast” might’ve bridged the gap.

Moving ahead, a light touch works. Warn of time limits early say, “Ten minutes to decide, or we split orders.” Let her choose freely, order the kids’ meal, and grab yours from wherever she lands. Teamwork and a chuckle can calm the storm dinner’s saved, and harmony might just stick.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit swung hard to NTA, cheering the dad for putting hungry kids first. With an autistic child’s routine at stake and a 15-minute closing window, users saw his move as smart, not selfish. Adults, they noted, can handle their own orders especially after 30 minutes of waffling.

A few nodded to a missed warning but lauded the focus on kids over indecision. Laughter sprinkled in: hangry kids trump a grown-up’s menu scroll every time!

musical_spork − NTA. Hangry kids come first.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Kids first

pudge-thefish − NTA your wife is an adult and should be able to make a decision in a reasonable amount of time. She is also capable of deciding what she wants and ordering for herself. Now if you could not wait a minute then that changes...but it sounds like you were patient

Pokeandhope − NTA My kiddo turns into a lava breathing mosquito if he passes his top level of hunger. I feel your pain mate.

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jac_ogg − NTA. She's a grown adult who needs to learn how to make a decision

angel2hi − NTA. You tried to order 45 minutes before the place closed. Your wife debated for 30 minutes and decided she didn’t want Italian, which was what your kids were having ordered. There was only 15 minutes to closing.

You specified that one of your kids is autistic and it would cause issues if he didn’t get the food he picked/was told he would be having. Your wife still had the ability to get food but she point blank said she didn’t want Italian, which is what you were ordering.

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So obviously she was going to need to place a separate order. So you ordered the kids (and your?) meals. Then she can get anything she wants. There wasn’t time to wait while she debated. She already took half an hour.

926dr − NTA You let her look over the menu and she couldn’t decide. Maybe, you could have warned her “hey the restaurant closes soon so you have to make a decision quick”. Besides that if she wasn’t going to order from the same place what does it matter?

daydream128 − Did you tell her you were ordering for you and the kids or did you just do it? Still though, NTA. Mainly because indecisive people can be super tiresome and deciding what to eat shouldn't be a chore which takes hours. Also because of your son, who in this instance is more of a priority than an adult woman who can order her own food.

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[Reddit User] − **NTA.** Why should everyone, including hungry children, continue to wait while your wife just leisurely scrolls apps trying to decide what she wants? Order the kids food and your food, since y'all decided, and when she *finally* decides, she can order hers.

[Reddit User] − INFO:. If she didn't want Italian what exactly were you supposed to wait for?

A dad’s race to feed his kids alfredo and pesto on the line hit a snag when his wife’s indecision met a restaurant’s clock. Reddit and experts back his kid-first call, though a heads-up could’ve softened the blow. Indian food saved the night, and teamwork pulled through. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences below! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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