AITA for offering my clothes to a coworker after losing weight?

In a bustling office where close friendships are formed over shared lunches and weekend chats, one recent incident has set off an unexpected ripple. The air was light yet charged with an undercurrent of tension as coworkers navigated changes they never saw coming. The protagonist, a once-clothes-horse now embracing a healthier lifestyle through significant weight loss, finds herself at the center of an unforeseen wardrobe war.

Despite years of camaraderie, the simple act of offering unworn clothes to a friend turns into a dramatic confrontation. The situation is painted in vivid strokes of admiration turned sour, as one coworker’s initial praise morphs into hurt feelings and accusations. This incident highlights the delicate balance between personal transformation and the fragile egos it can unintentionally ruffle.

‘AITA for offering my clothes to a coworker after losing weight?’

I have a coworker that I am very close to and we eat lunch together, etc. I’m a clothes horse and I have so many things that I’ve never worn and still have the tags on. My coworker is always commenting to me that she loves my clothes and if I ever decide to give anything away, please come to her first! We were the same size.

I recently lost a lot of weight and I’ve gone down five sizes. I’ve been working really hard at it, but I haven’t been talking about it that much because it seems to be a bit of tension between the two of us. She’s never said anything outright, just some passive aggressive comments about how I’m getting too thin.

I just ignore it because a lot of people say that, and I think it’s just a result of the shock of me losing weight. I still have about 30 pounds to lose before I even hit the 150 mark and I’m very short. I’m definitely not too thin and I still suffer from body dysmorphia, so I don’t even think I’m thin at all.

I recently went through my clothes, and I have a shocking amount of things that have either never been worn or have been worn once (I really need to work on this addiction). I put them together in boxes and on my next trip into the office, I asked her if she would like me to bring those in so she could go through them.

Her face took on this very shocked expression, and then she said “why would you ask me that? Why would you insult me by asking me if I want your hand me downs and castoffs? That’s so humiliating.” I was stunned and I think I might’ve actually said I was sorry and walked away.

To make things even worse, there’s another friend in the office who was also my size, and as we went out to the car later that day she asked me what the boxes were in my car. I told her they were my larger size clothes and that I had brought them for our other coworker, but she didn’t want them (I didn’t go into any details).

She went nuts and asked if she could go through the box. She called her daughter who worked very close by and we spent the next 45 minutes going through the boxes and getting the stuff that she wanted. They literally took almost everything. While they were doing it, the other coworker came outside to leave for the day and saw what was happening.

She got into her car and left. Later that night she texted me and lit into me about me giving the clothes to the other coworker. I am so confused. Did I insult her? And if I did, why would she care if I gave the clothes to someone else? After several years of a good work friendship, she won’t even speak to me anymore. Am I the a**hole?

UPDATE: She called me earlier today and totally lit into me. She said that I should’ve understood that she was sensitive about my weight loss because she felt like I was losing weight “to show her up.“ I told her that I didn’t know what she meant by that because I’ve been losing weight because of my blood pressure and because I was prediabetic.

My doctor was worried that I would have a heart attack if I continued at this size. She said that was a bunch of s**t and that I’ve been losing weight to make her the fattest person in the office. I basically sighed and was ready to give up, when she said “oh, and how dare you give all those clothes to XxxxxX?

She’s going to be wearing those clothes in the office and I have to see her in them when you were supposed to give them to me!“ When I said that she said that was humiliating and that she didn’t want my hand me downs, she hung up on me. I honestly have no idea what to do at this point. I want to apologize but now I’m not sure I should now. I don’t feel that I can do anything at this point.

In this case, the act of gifting unworn clothes becomes a symbol of both transformation and unintended emotional strife. The protagonist’s hard-earned weight loss, although celebrated by some, ironically stokes insecurity in a long-time friend.

The core of the issue lies in the shift of dynamics between coworkers who once shared equal footing. On one side, the narrator is embracing positive lifestyle changes driven by health concerns. On the other, the friend perceives these changes as a personal slight—interpreting the offer as a subtle way of highlighting her own struggles. This juxtaposition underscores a common workplace dilemma: personal successes can inadvertently magnify others’ insecurities, especially when shared openly.

Broader social issues come into play when considering the stigma around body image and the silent rivalries that often accompany weight loss journeys. Studies have shown that transformation, while admirable, can sometimes trigger envy or resentment. For instance, a Harvard Health article discusses how personal improvements might disrupt previously harmonious relationships, revealing hidden vulnerabilities in self-image and social cohesion. This incident serves as a microcosm for how improvements can also stir complex emotional battles in close-knit groups.

According to Dr. David Ludwig—a respected expert from Harvard Health—“The essence of sustainable weight loss is to create a healthier lifestyle rather than resorting to quick fixes.” His insight reminds us that personal transformation is deeply personal and subjective, and what feels like a celebration to one may feel like a reminder of shortcomings to another. When such well-intended gestures are misinterpreted, the fallout can be both emotionally taxing and socially divisive.

The advice gleaned from expert opinions is clear: open communication is vital. It may help if both parties engage in an honest conversation about insecurities and expectations, clarifying that a gesture of giving is rooted in care rather than competition. Readers are encouraged to reflect on similar experiences and consider that personal growth does not need to come at the expense of others’ feelings. Maintaining empathy and understanding can transform a potential feud into an opportunity for genuine support and mutual respect.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. The reactions range from outright support for the protagonist to playful jabs at the coworker’s sensitivity. It seems that while many appreciate the gesture of sharing unworn treasures, others condemn the passive-aggressive response.

IllustriousWash8721 − She liked that you were the same size, she took comfort in that. When you started losing weight, she took it personal. You didn't do anything wrong. She is the one with the issue. Instead of celebrating the work you put in, she tries to put you down. That's not a real friend

NotCreativeAtAll16 − NTA. So is she upset about you asking if she wanted your too large clothes? Or is she upset because you gave it to someone else after she got all offended?. Either way, she sounds insufferable.

ServelanDarrow − NTA.  If the first co-worker had never mentioned wanting your clothes that would be one thing.  But she did.  Then she got pissed when you gave the clothes she Refused to a different co-worker.  You can't win with this person, who, imo, isn't much of a friend.

scorchthedragoon − NTA. Weight is a tough subject for people but that doesn't excuse your coworkers passive aggressive comments or her rudeness to you about the clothes. I'm glad you found people who appreciate the gesture!

StAlvis − NTA. passive aggressive comments about how I’m getting too thin.. Some people just hate being reminded that personal improvement is possible. She got into her car and left. Later that night she texted me and lit into me about me giving the clothes to the other coworker.. This is deciding to be upset for the sake of being upset.

gravitationalarray − Wait. She told you if you were ever getting rid of things, to let her know. So, you did, and she got offended. Ok..... about-face, much? Whatever. So then you gave them to someone who wanted them, and she got offended again? Honestly, I would document this in case it escalates. She's not all there. NTA.. edit - a word

wesmorgan1 − NTA I'm guessing that the public

ExtraHorse − NTA. Your coworker likely has a difficult relationship with her body and shame. Here's an analogy: Let's say you and your coworker are surrounded by people who play baseball, but you two aren't great at it so you play whiffleball. You have a really nice bat and team shirt that she's admired for a while.

Then you start training and working very hard, and your baseball skills improve to the point where you can play. You're not Derek Jeter but you're an average baseball player now. You think

Did you say that? No. Did you do anything wrong? No! But if she's insecure about being 'only' a whiffleball player, then that's what she hears. She's feeling alone now, and not as comfortable around you as she used to be because she thinks you judge her now too.

Then seeing another whiffleball player go

but she is where she is and is now stuck in a cycle of shame because she has internalized the idea that it means she is worth less as a person. You tried to do a kind thing, and your friend reacted badly in a way that you did not deserve. Please have compassion for her though.

vav70 − NTA. It's unfortunate that so many people think weight loss is a competition. I think she's jealous of your new health, and accepting the clothes would reinforce the idea of you

As for giving them to your other co-worker-kudos! I think it's wonderful that you ended up being able to donate the clothes to someone who appreciated them.. Congratulations on your journey! Health is wealth; keep taking care of yourself. 💪🏼

Bluebells7788 − NTA. Weight loss shifts the dynamic of relationships - especially given the comments of you losing too much weight. You have achieved a goal that has made your friend possibly feel like you are looking down on her and may stop hanging out with her.

She hints and wanting the clothes, then refuses them and then in the next breath she sees you offering the same clothes to someone who was grateful for said clothes feels triggred. There has also likely always been an element of her feeling that you are 'her person' at work.

OP you are not responsible for your friends feelings in this instance, you offered a close collague/ friends $100's of dollars of quality clothing and her pride got in the way twice. Maybe have a catchup over coffee and re-assure her you meant no bad will.

These candid opinions from fellow redditors underline that while personal improvement is something to be celebrated, it can also inadvertently prick the tender self-esteem of those who see change as a competition rather than encouragement.

In wrapping up this curious case of office wardrobe woes, it is evident that personal transformations bring both joy and unexpected interpersonal challenges. The protagonist’s journey is a reminder that while progress is commendable, clear communication is essential in maintaining harmonious relationships. What would you do if you found yourself caught in a similar situation? Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences—let’s open the discussion on how we navigate change within our most valued friendships.

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