AITA for not working out with my “overweight” friend?

Sweat drips, weights clank, and the gym hums with focus as a young woman carves out her sanctuary of solitude. For this 23-year-old, solo workouts are a hard-won refuge from a past shadowed by body image struggles. But when her friend Lynn, eager to shed baby weight, texts her to join forces at the gym, a polite decline spirals into a storm of accusations, hurt feelings, and a fractured friend group.

This Reddit drama, buzzing with raw emotion, pulls us into a clash of boundaries and misunderstandings. Was the woman wrong to guard her gym time, or did Lynn’s reaction twist a kind gesture into a betrayal? With friendships on the line and body image at the heart, this story hooks us with its messy, human stakes.

‘AITA for not working out with my “overweight” friend?’

Not my main Reddit account and I’m changing the names. Also on mobile. I (23F) frequent the gym quite regularly, I workout about 4x a week, doing weight lifting and cardio for about 2-3 hours usually. I’ve been doing this since high school since I was a soccer player and have just kept it up since.

I also eat a protein focused diet to maintain my muscles and stuff, I’m not really “buff” just more than toned I guess. The thing is, I love going to the gym by myself, I don’t really partake in group workouts like yoga or cycling because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get really self conscious about my body to the point I hate looking at myself in the mirror or I hate the way I feel.

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When I was in elementary/middle school I was fat, like the whole fat Hispanic girl with braces and acne and stuff. Growing up I got picked on by both my family and school bullies and which is why I got so into soccer and working out. I’m still overcoming some body dysmorphia and eating disorders but my therapist says I’m getting better.

My mom and sisters still make comments about my body but I’ve basically gone NC with them. A few days ago I get a text from my friend Lynn (25F) and she messages me about wanting to workout together. She told me she wants to lose some baby weight from her daughter since she saw at the doctors office from an appointment that she weighs 185lbs.

She said she appreciates it and would take it very seriously and thanked me ahead of time. I responded exactly like this “Hey Lynn, I’m sorry but I prefer working out by myself and I’m not a trainer so I don’t feel comfortable showing someone the ropes of weight lifting, but I’m happy to hear about your fitness journey and would love to introduce you to a personal trainer I know/have gone to at an all girls gym I go to, just let me know”.

Well the next day after I woke up she did not respond but I had other messages from our mutual friends for saying how horrible I was for fat shaming Lynn, that I was a fake b****, and I was being selfish and “gatekeeping” my fitness secrets. I was obviously flabbergasted and told them what actually happened with the screenshots.

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They told me that Lynn said I called her fat and that I wasn’t going to train her because I don’t want people to know my fitness routine because “I want to be the hottest friend”. I tried calling Lynn but she apparently blocked me. A few of our mutual friends are on my side and have apologized but the others are saying I’m still an a**hole.

Saying no to a friend’s request can feel like dodging a dumbbell, but this gym-goer’s polite refusal unleashed a heavier load than expected. The woman’s decision to prioritize her mental health and solo routine was reasonable, yet Lynn’s misrepresentation escalated a simple boundary into a social showdown.

Body image struggles, like those both women face, are common. A 2021 study by the National Eating Disorders Association found that 60% of women experience body dissatisfaction, often amplified by social pressures (source). Lynn’s sensitivity about her weight likely fueled her reaction, but her false narrative crossed a line.

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Psychologist Dr. Jessi Gold, in a 2023 Healthline article, notes, “Miscommunication thrives when emotions run high, especially around body image. Honest dialogue is key to repairing trust” (source). Here, Lynn’s accusations suggest insecurity, but her dishonesty shut down any chance for understanding. The woman’s offer to connect Lynn with a trainer was a thoughtful compromise, undeserving of backlash.

To move forward, the woman should stand firm but open the door for calm discussion if Lynn re-engages.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s takes on this gym drama are as spicy as a post-workout protein shake—bold, unfiltered, and a little cheeky. Here’s what the community tossed into the ring:

Aries0003 − Nta, sounds like you just lost 185 pounds of immaturity.

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majesticjewnicorn − NTA. People are entitled to workout alone if they wish. You don't owe anyone your time. Working out isn't some top CIA secret. Advice can be easily obtained on the internet. Your friend is an AH for both disrespecting your boundaries and also spreading lies about you to mutual friends. My advice... put on your running shoes and run away from the red flag.

swillshop − Of course, NTA. it's one thing for Lynn to hoped you could help her and imagined it would be fun to have a workout buddy. She went over the line whenever she decided that her want gave her control over your choices and your time. But then she really went over the cliff when she just flat-out lied about your exchange with her.

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Since she's blocked you, just walk away from her. (I'll bet she'll want to re-engage with you so that she can tell you why you need to apologize to her!) But really, if you ever do have an exchange with her again, I'd keep it to, 'I can't imagine what emotional struggles you must be having to have assumed you had a right to control me and to fabricate our exchange.

I wish you well but have no desire to maintain a connection with you.' To anyone who still thinks you have been an a**hole, do not apologize. They can have their opinion as long as they don't push it on you or keep perpetuating the myth.

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dwassell73 − NTA I also hate working out with anyone I have children & consider this my alone de stressing time

alana_r_dray − NTA. I'm not sure how you could be when Lynn is lying to everyone about you. As long as you're being honest and were just as polite as you said you were, and didn't mention Lynn's weight, of course you're not the a**hole.

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Publius246 − What? NTA. I'm not quite the gym rabbit you are, but my work out time is my 'me' time. I don't want to interact with other people when I'm lifting or doing cardio. And based on the near-lack of conversation at my gym, most other people are the same way.. Sounds like Lynn needs some expectation-setting, but that will probably need to come from someone else.

mdthomas − NTA. You're not obligated to help her if you don't want to. However, I noticed you said you hate looking in the mirror and such. Are you talking to a therapist about that? If not, I'd recommend it.

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[Reddit User] − Wow, I keep reading this sub and wondering why so many people pick on their friends. In your case, you nonjudgmentally suggested the friend seek a professional personal trainer, which makes complete sense. (I'm assuming that since they are professionals, they will impart the precious mysterious *fitness secrets* to her, eyeroll.) Your friend probably feels self-conscious about the baby weight,

which a lot of new mothers do, but she is also capable of joining a 'baby boot camp' work out, which would give her the camaraderie and company she might enjoy. Ultimately, not your problem to fix. (I dislike working out around people, so I either do walks with friends, or use my exercise bike and mat at home, so I get you. Only cats allowed, for you know, cuteness resistance training, ha ha.)

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[Reddit User] − NTA Lynn sounds very mentally unstable. Your message to her was thoughtful and your explanation of why you want to work out alone was very good.

kdawg1791 − NTA. Everything you said was true. Stand by it. Stick to your guns. 💪 You are not obligated to work out with anyone.

These Reddit gems are loud and clear, but do they nail the truth? Is Lynn’s reaction a red flag, or is there more to her hurt?

This gym saga leaves us sweating over a tough question: how do you balance personal boundaries with a friend’s needs? The woman’s solo workout haven clashed with Lynn’s hopes, and a single lie turned it into a friend-group fiasco. What would you do if a friend misread your kindness as a slight? Share your stories below—have you ever faced a misunderstanding that blew up like this, and how did you navigate it?

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