AITA for not wanting to spend $2000 to go to my sister’s wedding?

In a small apartment filled with the chatter of kids dreaming about meeting their baby cousin, a woman faces a heart-wrenching dilemma. Her sister, glowing with bridal excitement, once promised to cover all costs for her to be maid of honor at an out-of-state wedding. Now, a $2,000 bill looms—money she simply doesn’t have.

The sting of her sister’s anger cuts deep, painting her as selfish for prioritizing her family’s finances. Readers are drawn into this tug-of-war between love and limits, wondering if she’s wrong to stand firm or if family expectations have gone too far.

‘AITA for not wanting to spend $2000 to go to my sister’s wedding?’

I love my sister more than anything, but she lives out of state and I am POOR. In January she asked me to be her maid of honor. I told her then that I would not be able to afford it. She said that's okay she'll pay for everything, including for my family because the kids would be part of the wedding.

So I agreed. Now 6 months later her wedding is becoming increasingly expensive. She is asking me to pay $2000 to attend (covers flights, meals, hotel, clothes etc). I sent her a letter telling her I love her and I'm sorry but I just can't afford it (for reference, I didn't even spend 2000 on my own wedding, and this is just to attend hers...)

I gave her a dollar limit I can spend, which isn't very much, because I felt it was important to set a boundary as the costs were starting to skyrocket. She said she cannot pay for us. Which is fine. I am okay with that. I am happy to watch it virtually and it looks like she will have that as an option.

But she seems really mad at me for it. Like, she went through a bunch of effort planning the bridal party and the colors. She really wants me by her side and is making me feel selfish for not spending 2 grand to attend. I can feel this tension between us right now and I am starting to wonder if I am the a**hole.

We have run the costs for just me to attend, and not only is it still not affordable, but my kids who have been wanting to meet their baby cousin for over a year now will undoubtedly pester me and whine and complain for MONTHS after because they didn't get to go,

and that is a lot for me to deal with. I am so frustrated and I don't really know what to do. She keeps trying to get my mom to help with the costs, and it pisses me off she is even asking as my mom recently lost her job due to disability. Grrr

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This wedding woe highlights the clash between familial love and financial reality. The woman’s clear boundary—set from the start—reflects her need to protect her family’s stability, while her sister’s escalating demands suggest a disconnect. Both love each other, but the bride’s pressure risks fracturing their bond.

Dr. Elizabeth Dunn, a happiness researcher, notes, “Financial stress can strain even the closest relationships, especially when expectations misalign”. The sister’s initial promise to pay gave the woman hope, but the $2,000 reversal feels like a betrayal. Weddings, averaging $30,000 in the U.S., often spark such conflicts, with 28% of attendees facing unexpected costs.

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This taps into a broader issue: unspoken family financial pressures. The bride’s push for her mom’s help, despite her disability-related job loss, ignores real constraints. The woman could reinforce her stance calmly, perhaps suggesting a smaller role or virtual participation. Open dialogue or mediation could ease tension.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crowd chimed in with gusto, tossing out support and a dash of humor. Here’s a glimpse at their takes, proving family drama always strikes a chord online.

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Fine_Prune_743 − NTA you can’t afford it, that’s not a choice that is a fact.

[Reddit User] − NTA, and you've got a bridezilla on your hands. I would send, one more time, a very blunt message. No 'I'm sorry,' no gentleness about her feelings. Just, 'Sis. I have repeatedly told you that the money you want me to spend does not exist. Please drop the subject.'. And don't try to manage her reactions.

noccie − NTA. Stick to your script - no, you do not have the money to attend. Tell your mom that you are happy to see the live feed so she won't feel the pressure to find some way to pay for you. Your sister is being unrealistic particularly since you said the same thing since day 1. You're living within your means and that is a very difficult thing to do when you're being pressured by family - go you!

Infamous-Wasabi-9007 − She said she would pay, so you agreed to attend. Now she is not willing or able to pay. Fine. You are not obligated to attend. Tell her that your inability to attend has nothing to do with how much you love her. It is a simple matter of no money for you to pay to attend. That if you could spare the funds you would definitely be there. NTA

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LurkerToPoster100 − NTA. As for the one thing that you can mitigate - your children complaining. Give them a weekend to do nothing but complain about it. They can write letters, do drawings, make up songs or rhymes, speak about it, constantly. The caveat is that there will be no entertaining any complaints for days, weeks,

months, or years afterwards and if there are, you will limit a TV show privilege for a day. Be strict so they know you mean business. You've got to teach them that if it's not in your or their control, they've got to do the equivalent of 'build a bridge and get over it.' A lesson hard learned and still hard for me to apply, I wish I'd learned it as a child.

booksforlife37 − NTA. You told her in the beginning. She needs to respect your stance and either include you virtually or pay your way as promised.

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[Reddit User] − Your sister is incredibly selfish for expecting you to spend money you don't have on her expensive wedding. NTA.

TexasForever361 − NTA. She knew the deal when she asked you to be in the wedding. 🤷🏻‍♀️

highwoodshady − NTA You can't write a check you can't pay. You can't magically pull $2,000 out of the air. She has known this from the onset of planning her wedding. You have explained your financial constraints, either she accepts it or she gets mad, her choice, you can't change it

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SnooMusic − NTA. I mean, money doesn’t grow on trees, as they say. It was her choice to up the budget of her wedding to that point.

These Reddit reactions are fiery, but do they hold water, or are they just fanning the wedding flames?

This story weaves a tale of love tangled in financial strain. The woman’s choice to prioritize her family’s budget over her sister’s wedding dreams isn’t about lack of care—it’s about survival. Weddings should unite, not divide. Have you ever faced family pressure to spend beyond your means? Share your experiences—what would you do to keep the peace without breaking the bank?

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