AITA for not wanting to raise my ex’s other kid?

The air was thick with tension as Jake, a devoted father of three, faced yet another plea from his ex-partner. Her voice, laced with desperation, echoed through the phone, urging him to embrace a role he never signed up for—father to her newborn from an affair. The sting of her past betrayals lingered, yet here she was, asking him to mend her mistakes. Readers can almost feel the weight of Jake’s frustration, torn between compassion for an innocent child and the boundaries he’s fought to maintain.

This story, raw and relatable, unfolds a modern family drama where loyalty, duty, and personal limits collide. It’s a tale that sparks heated debates: where does one draw the line when an ex’s choices spill into your life? Jake’s struggle resonates with anyone navigating the messy aftermath of broken trust, pulling readers into a narrative that’s both heart-wrenching and thought-provoking.

‘AITA for not wanting to raise my ex’s other kid?’

I (28M) have three kids with my ex. We were together 7 years. She cheated after our first kid was born and I forgave her. She cheated again last year and I broke up with her. She got pregnant from that cheating and now has another kid. I am a good dad to our kids.

We share custody, I support my kids financially and I will never leave my kids, but she keeps asking me to take on her other kid and wanting me to step in and be the dad he doesn't have. His father doesn't want to know apparently and because our kids still have me it's 'not fair' and 'I could be a great dad for him'.

It pisses me the f**k off because I had to pay for a DNA test to be 100% sure, I then had to deal with her family giving me s**t for leaving her while she was pregnant. Now they all want me to be the 'better man' and raise her kid with someone else and I've gotta ask, where does the s**t end? What if she ends up with another kid from another deadbeat?

Do I gotta keep raising her kids until she's done having them? I take care of MY kids. I love MY kids. But they are my responsibility, her other kid is not. I don't wanna be on the hook for picking up after her the rest of my life. I just wanna be a good dad to my kids, man.. I don't hate the kid. I know it's not his fault. But he is not my responsibility.. AITA?

Jake’s saga of setting boundaries post-breakup is a gut-punch reminder of how messy family ties can get. His ex’s push for him to parent her affair child tugs at heartstrings but raises red flags about responsibility. Jake’s stance—focusing on his three kids—clashes with her plea for “fairness,” a classic case of guilt-tripping after infidelity. Her family’s pressure only muddies the waters, framing Jake as the villain for not stepping up.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: the emotional labor often dumped on ex-partners to fix others’ mistakes. According to a 2023 study from the American Psychological Association, 62% of divorced parents face pressure to overstep co-parenting boundaries, especially when new children enter the picture. Jake’s ex’s actions suggest she’s deflecting accountability, a pattern that strains co-parenting dynamics.

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist quoted in Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, notes, “Boundaries are essential for healthy co-parenting. Taking on responsibilities beyond your role can harm your children’s emotional stability.” Jake’s refusal protects his kids from the ripple effects of his ex’s choices, prioritizing their needs over her demands. His anger, though raw, signals a healthy assertion of limits.

For Jake, the solution lies in clear communication. He should firmly restate his position—his duty is to his children—and redirect his ex to pursue legal avenues, like paternity tests or child support from the biological father. By holding this line, Jake models resilience for his kids, ensuring their emotional security.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew dove into Jake’s story with gusto, dishing out support and a few spicy takes. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd, served with a side of humor and hard truths:

Pretenditsaseed − NTA, your first and only responsibility is to your children. She needs to get with his bio dad to be the dad. My ex husband wanted me to help raise his booty call baby. I told him I'd help him out by taking full custody of my kids leaving him free to take care of the other one. So you could offer to get primary custody, if you don't already have it, and leave her more available to that child.

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breatheawayfromme − Nope. NTA- she made her bed with another man, she needs to figure it out. She's 100% at fault here. It sucks for the kid but she should be approaching his father, not you.

All her family wants is to take advantage of a good dad and tack on another child. She cheated. You broke up with her for good. That's that, your responsibility is to YOUR kids, not to the ones she had with another man. That's THEIR responsibility.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She made her bed, now she gets to sleep in it. Literally. She screwed around, she can either take the man who fathered her child to court or do the raising of this child on her own. Tell her it's unfortunate for the child, but this is all on her and she should have ensured the man she was sleeping around with was ready,willing,

and able to raise a child if he was ready, willing, and able to sleep with a married woman. Tell her this is no longer up for discussion, and that your responsibility is solely to your own children, and any further discussion outside of them is no longer up for debate, arguing, or discussion.

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That includes anything from her family, and if they continue to harass you about playing 'daddy' to this child, they will get a cease and desist for harassment. The only thing they should be telling you about is anything pertaining to your own children, and if they can't do that, then they shouldn't be communicating with you. Period.

Be sure you really emphasize the harassment bit. Remind your ex that you will not be taking on this child in any capacity as there is a lot of legal liability for you if you do so, and because that will impact your own children, the best option is to not get involved at all and you downright refuse to regardless.

This child is the result of your ex-wive's sordid affair, and you don't need the constant reminder every day of her infidelity, nor do your children need to see the emotional/mental impact that will have on you by raising another man's child.

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Tell her outside of that, the only advice you can offer to help her is that she take the man who got her pregnant to court for a paternity test and child support, otherwise, it's out of your hands completely and it's up to her to ensure her child has the care it needs if she isn't going to get this child's biological father involved .

So it's all up to her. And that is the end of the discussion on this matter. It sounds like she can really pick em. She should have made sure she didn't cheat if she didn't want to have to raise one of her children in a mixed paternity household.

SlytherClaw3 − NTA. It absolutely sucks to say this but, not your kid, not your responsibility. Though I feel terrible for that poor child.. because our kids still have me it's 'not fair' and 'I could be a great dad for him'. But, you're not his dad. You're not even with the mum anymore. She cheated on you. Twice. That's on her. You forgave her once. She did it again.

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How many more transgressions are you supposed to forgive?. Now they all want me to be the 'better man' and raise her kid with someone else Why can't *they* be a better family and help her instead? You were the 'better man' when she cheated on you the first time. Are you just supposed to sit back and let her cheat again and again and raise the other children she possibly could have as well?. NTA, OP.

BlewOffMyLegOff − NTA. And this poor kid. Through no fault of their own they are going to be born into a toxic family.

Searia − NTA. It sounds like this relationship has so many issues already.. It's not the kids fault but you're not even with your ex anymore right? If you were at least still with her and both of you were going to raise the three them all together then it'd make sense.

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This is a whole other life we're talking about raising, he isn't your responsibility. I feel bad for him for sure, but more in the call CPS if needed sort of way. If you take him in when you don't want to, wouldn't the disparity of affection be obvious? I don't think that'd be healthy for anyone.

GlassGuarantee0 − I would DNA test your other kids too. Your ex sounds like a piece of work.

LivelyUnicorn − NTA. What a poisonous person to be around! Your relationship has definitely run the course do not go back there - anyone treating you that way has got major issues. Not your kid, sadly not your problem she should have thought about this before she opened her legs

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SirEDCaLot − NTA. She f**ked up her family, now she has a kid with another man who doesn't want kids. What a pickle. If only there was a way to avoid this---- oh wait there is, don't have unprotected s** with people who aren't your long-term partner and have stated a desire to raise children with you.

Now she's got a kid and probably can't pay for it and has no idea what to do with it. Boo hoo. That's her fault, her problem. Yeah it sucks for the kid. But there are tons of kids without parents, or whose parents are lying cheating fucktards out there. The only thing that makes this kid different from the other million is you used to f**k his mom.

[Reddit User] − Not your kid, not your responsibility. The nerve of this woman and her family. Theyre HER family, so THEY should step up if his father is a deadbeat. None of them(her included) want the responsibility, so theyre trying to force it on you. Dont help with anything related to him, otherwise she may ask in court too.

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These Redditors rallied behind Jake, cheering his resolve or roasting his ex’s audacity. Some saw her plea as manipulative; others felt for the child caught in the crossfire. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the drama?

Jake’s story lays bare the raw edges of co-parenting after betrayal, where personal boundaries meet family expectations. His refusal to raise his ex’s affair child isn’t just about saying no—it’s about protecting his kids and reclaiming his life. Yet, the innocent child in the middle tugs at the heart, leaving room for empathy amid the anger. What would you do if you found yourself in Jake’s shoes? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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