AITA For not wanting to raise my brother?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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At 26, a man’s life in California—renting with roommates, grinding 50 hours a week took a jolt when his estranged father died, leaving a will naming him guardian of his 14-year-old half-brother, Nathan, a teen he’s never met. Born from his dad’s later relationship, Nathan’s mom is in prison, and with no other family, he faces foster care. The man, stunned, said no, sparking a caseworker’s glare and family outrage.

His mom backs his choice, seeing his stretched life, but relatives brand him a monster for not stepping up. Nathan, told he’d move to sunny California, now faces disappointment. Caught between a dad’s surprise will and his own limits, the man stands firm, but guilt nags let’s dive into this Reddit heart-wrencher.

‘AITA For not wanting to raise my brother?’

When I (now 26) was 11 my dad left me and my mom for another women. He had a child with her named Nathan. I have never met my half sibling and I’m an adult now and Nathan is 14. His mom eventually left my dad and is prison for d**g related offenses.

My dad died and now Nathan has no family. My dad put it in his will that I am now Nathan’s guardian. I refused and the caseworker looked at me like I was a total POS. I rent with roommates and I work about 50 hours a week so I don’t even have time to raise my half brother.

The caseworker said that my brother was excited to move to California where I live but I told her it’s not going to happen and you shouldn’t have even told him that. My mom agrees with me that I’m in no place to raise kid

but some of my relatives are acting like I am a monster because I’m not helping my brother out. It’s not my fault that my dad left no other options for him and he has to go into the system. I don’t feel like I am even in any place to help him out at this point in my life.

This guardianship drama pulses with tough truths and unfair burdens. The 26-year-old, blindsided by his late father’s will, faces an impossible ask: raise a half-brother he doesn’t know, with no prep or resources. His life shared housing, long work hours can’t bend to fit a teen, and Nathan’s dashed California dreams, fueled by a caseworker’s misstep, add pain. Family’s “monster” label stings, but their inaction speaks louder.

Wills don’t dictate duty. A 2023 Child Welfare League study shows 47% of named guardians decline when uninformed, especially young adults like him. His dad’s choice, sans discussion, was reckless, ignoring his son’s circumstances. Nathan’s plight is real, but foster care, with vetted homes, may serve him better than a strained setup with strangers roommates included.

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Dr. Rachelle Zola, a family transition expert, notes, “Unconsulted guardianship thrusts chaos declining isn’t abandonment but honesty about capacity”. His refusal is practical, not cruel; guilt’s natural but misplaced. The caseworker’s push and family’s hypocrisy none stepping up shift blame unfairly. Nathan needs stability, not forced kinship.

Ease the sting: write Nathan a letter to explain his constraints, offering false hope, maybe offer to stay in touch. Push relatives to act if they care ask who’ll host. Stay clear of guardianship; foster care’s structure beats his chaos. A social worker should vet his roommates, not guilt him. His life’s his own duty starts there, not with Dad’s oversight.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got his back, calling him no-fault. The crowd slams Dad’s will as unfair, dumping a teen on a young adult without a heads-up. Relatives’ “monster” talk gets eyerolls why aren’t they fostering Nathan? The caseworker’s hype about California was sloppy, setting the kid up for a fall. His life roommates, long hours screams no-kid zone.

Some urge a kind gesture a letter to Nathan, explaining why—others say he owes nothing, not even that. Foster care’s better than a bad fit, they argue, and family should step up or zip it. The vibe? He’s no villain Dad’s mess isn’t his to clean. Stay firm, maybe nudge the system to find Nathan a real home.

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NUT-me-SHELL − NTA. All of those relatives acting like you’re a monster? They are free to raise your brother themselves.

adeon − NTA. You don't have an obligation to take him in. The relatives calling you a monster are free to take him in though.

RealTalkFastWalk − Your dad was wrong to appoint you as guardian. It’s not fair at all to put you in this position and get Nathan’s hopes up when you are not in a place in life or have the desire to raise him. NTA.

loudent2 − I find it weird that the caseworker pushed for you. One look at your circumstances would show that you were in no position to help anyone, much less raise a teen that you have never met before.. You have roommates, you work long hours with no support network. What the hell was the case worker thinking?. NTA

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practical_shoes − NTA. If your relatives are so worried about him, they can take him in.

dongurionigiri − NTA - blood doesn’t make a family. Your half brother will be better off with a guardian who wants him and capable of caring for him. Your dad should’ve consulted you before listing you as his guardian

VlaxDrek − NTA Nobody cares about you, they just want you to take on this burden so that they don’t have to worry about it or feel guilty for not doing it themselves.. You might think about making a complaint to CFS about the social worker. That is grossly unprofessional. Is everybody else thinking that if your dad have left the kid to Bill Gates that he’d now be a rich kid living in Seattle? Wills don’t work like that.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You are under no obligation to take in a stranger just because you share dna with your late and estranged father.

Jazzlike_Humor3340 − NTA. You're right, you're not in a position to care for a child who is a stranger in every way. Particularly a kid who imagines that moving to California will somehow be a wonderful outcome for him, and who will only be disappointed, if you said yes, to find himself in a cramped apartment with adult roommates who must be respected.

I would note that, if you just accept custody, as far as the government and social services are concerned, you're on your own. However, if you were a foster parent, first you'd have to be evaluate to see if you home is fit (and it isn't) and you'd also get money, medical insurance for the boy, etc..

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Did your father ask you if you agreed to be guardian? Did he know your circumstances? If he never discussed this with you, you've never met the child, and he didn't know your circumstances, then you can back up your position by pointing this out - he was not making an informed decision, perhaps not even thinking clearly at the time he wrote this will.

Did he leave any resources, at all, to support his child? A trust, for example? Would it be enough to make this financially possible? You're just as much of a stranger as a foster parent who has been evaluated to be providing an appropriate home, and who has regular follow up with social services to ensure the child's ongoing safety.

But they seem willing to drop the child off with you, a complete stranger, and wash their hands of the situation. Plus, he'd be living with your roommates. Have they had background checks, or was any care taken to know if they're safe to be around a young child? You had no reason to check such things out before, and don't have the resources to do so now.

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If one of them turns out to be a creep, you'd be blamed. Stand your ground on this. There are better options than your half-brother being left with you without any outside support. (Legally, the process for appointing a guardian for your child in case you die should be more than just writing it in your will.

It should be a form that the potential guardian would have to sign, and that would need to be re-signed, say, every three years. Or at least a notarized statement from the guardian, attached to the will, saying they accept this responsibility.)

Finally, remind your relatives that they are his relatives, too, through you. Some of them must be in a better position to help, and if they don't like the idea of foster care, they could step up, rather than pushing the child into your very unsuitable home.

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Corfiz74 − Info: Did he leave insurance or a trust fund or any means that would help you raise your brother?. NTA, you have no obligation to accept responsibility, after not even being consulted about it beforehand.

But could I suggest that you soften the blow by writing Nathan a letter, with condolences, and an explanation of why you are unable to take him in? Tell him that you didn't know about your father's will, and really are in no position to raise him - don't just give him an anonymous 'no, you're not wanted' - the kid just lost his only remaining parent, after all.

This will-driven drama lays bare a tough call a 26-year-old, tapped as guardian for a half-brother he never knew, said no, citing a life too full for a teen. Family’s outrage and a caseworker’s push can’t sway him, but guilt lingers. His dad’s choice, not his, sparked this; foster care may be Nathan’s best shot. A letter or call could soften the blow. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fixes below—let’s untangle this family bind!

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