AITA for not wanting to make Thanksgiving awkward?

Picture a chilly November evening, the faint aroma of roasted turkey wafting through the air, only to be overshadowed by an ex’s unyielding demands. For one essential worker, fresh off a divorce, Thanksgiving became less about gratitude and more about dodging an awkward reunion. Their controlling ex-husband insists on a joint holiday with his new girlfriend, her kids, and their shared teens, even showing up at their workplace to press the issue. The tension is palpable, as this parent fights to keep the holiday peaceful.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy reality of post-divorce life, where boundaries are tested, and family traditions hang in the balance. With the community weighing in and expert insights to guide us, this story serves up a hearty dose of drama and resilience.

‘AITA for not wanting to make Thanksgiving awkward?’

The Rona aside, I've been 'invited' to Thanksgiving at my ex's place. I don't want to go. I divorced my controlling ex in March. I moved out of the guest house I had been living in, in August. We have two young teenagers together (11 and 14). I explained to them that this year we would be having a separate Thanksgiving and they were cool with that.

However, my ex keeps insisting I have to come over and have Thanksgiving with him and his new girlfriend, her kids, and ours. He even came to my work to tell me again that I had to come. I explained why it would be awkward and said I didn't want to come, that he should be enjoying this holiday with his new girlfriend and making their own tradition.

He then went into a self-satisfied rant about how much of a better person she is than me and how she would get over it. He said I shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving. But I don't want to go! I'm having a little Thanksgiving dinner with the boys at my place today, then I'm working on Thanksgiving.

He insists I have to come over and has been repeatedly showing up at my workplace and watching me.. AITA for not wanting to go to this? Edited to add: I'm also an essential worker and have likely been in contact with people who have the virus.

This Thanksgiving standoff is more than a holiday hiccup—it’s a textbook case of boundary violations after divorce. OP’s ex’s relentless pressure, including workplace visits, screams control, a pattern likely rooted in their past. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Post-divorce harassment often stems from an inability to let go of control” . OP’s refusal to attend is a healthy step toward reclaiming their independence.

The situation reflects a broader issue: co-parenting requires clear boundaries to prevent conflict. A 2022 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 55% of divorced parents report ongoing boundary disputes . The ex’s actions—comparing OP to his new girlfriend and stalking—suggest a need for power, not unity. OP’s focus on their teens’ well-being shows strength.

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Dr. Ramani advises, “Document unwanted contact and communicate boundaries clearly, preferably in writing.” OP could send a firm message: “I’m celebrating separately for our kids’ sake.” If the ex persists, notifying workplace security or exploring legal options, like a restraining order, may be necessary. This approach protects OP’s peace while modeling resilience for their teens.

For readers, the lesson is clear: boundaries aren’t just lines—they’re lifelines. OP’s calm resolve offers a path forward, encouraging others to prioritize their emotional safety in tricky family dynamics.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit rolled up with a feast of opinions, dishing out support with a side of sass. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got a hot take and zero chill. From calls for restraining orders to cheers for OP’s backbone, here’s the raw community feedback:

Teppic5 − NTA. Are you kidding? He was controlling before and is obviously trying to keep it up now. If he keeps showing up at your work I'd consider a restraining order.

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annihilator4 − NTA, why he even acting that way. Its creepy and has some p**cho vibes. You two aren't together and you don't owe him anything. Go on with your life.

Feeling-Pirate1936 − NTA you do not need to go to Thanksgiving and your ex sounds like an ass. Honestly it sounds like he wants to rub his new girlfriend in your face. Stay strong and dont go. It is best for your kids to see you having strong boundaries. You are two separate families now and have separate holidays that is ok and normal.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You do not have to do anything here, other than make it clear to him that if he shows up uninvited one more time, you're calling the police. Make sure your workplace knows not to let him in any more, either.

[Reddit User] − NTA - OP, I have to commend your tone and emotional level, in this post and in your comments. You sound smart, calm, respectful, and just plain Sad & Tired. The person you are attempting to remove yourself from is using their last threads of attachment just to abuse you as much as they possibly can before they finally lose you....

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and you're here on Reddit asking if you're being mean to them. Well here's a compliment instead - from the small peek I have had into this situation, you have put the work in to get a divorce, and you are 100% going to come out on top, especially on-top of your crappy abusive ex husband.

Because once you're out of reach for his claws, you win, and he loses. He might be able to make a stink, he might be able to make a fuss, but it's because you're Winning...and he can't stand it. So please, keep up this energy OP. Keep yourself aloof, say no, leave him hanging, act like you can't even hear him. You can do it.

No_Squirrel2920 − NTA. He was controlling then, and he's still trying to control you EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER. You don't have to do jack for him and you should tell him if he keeps coming to your work place you're going to report him to the police for stalking and harassment.

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adventurer907505307 − NTA- this is just more controlling behavior... do not give in. And time to think about a protective order if he is showing up at your work and stalking you. You deserve better.

Coffe_Mug − Not the a**hole at all (NTA). You guys are divorced and he doesn't get a say. Yeah, maybe down the road it could be nice if you guys got together for some holidays if YOU ever decided to. However, I am doubtful of that since he seems to be stalking you.. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with your children.

Acceptable_Letter331 − NTA no wonder you're divorced, good riddance.

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gottalifetolive − NTA- I had your exact situation last year only I said yes. It was awkward! We have not approached that since and it's been nice. It is hard coordinating 2 Thanksgivings on the same day but totally worth it verse the awkwardness.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, urging OP to shut down the ex’s antics and protect their peace. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

OP’s story is a masterclass in holding ground when an ex tries to rewrite the holiday script. By choosing a separate celebration, they’re not just dodging awkwardness—they’re teaching their teens the power of self-respect. Reddit’s chorus of “NTA” echoes a universal truth: no one should be strong-armed into family gatherings. Yet, the ex’s persistence raises questions about where co-parenting ends and harassment begins. What would you do if an ex kept pushing your boundaries? Drop your thoughts below and let’s stir the pot!

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