AITA for not wanting to live with a single mother and her kid because the kid has food allergies I would have to accommodate?

In a city apartment hunt, a 28-year-old woman meets a single mom whose son’s severe nut and fruit allergies demand a diet overhaul. Her daily oatmeal, topped with nuts and berries, is non-negotiable, so she declines to room together. The mom explodes, turning mutual friends against her.

Months later, the fallout lingers, sparking a debate over personal boundaries and roommate expectations. This clash of lifestyles, where a beloved breakfast routine becomes a battleground, tests the limits of empathy and the right to say no in a shared living space.

‘AITA for not wanting to live with a single mother and her kid because the kid has food allergies I would have to accommodate?’

A few months back my roommate at that time was moving out and I (28f) was looking for another roommate. A friend suggested a friend of hers (I will call her Susan here; 25f). So we met to get to know each other a little bit and discuss some things.

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Susan has a child (6 year old boy) which would also have moved in and when we met she told me her son has some serious food allergies to all kinds of nuts and a lot of fruits like apples, different berry types and pears. These types of food cannot be in the same apartment or fridge because the child would eat them. She can‘t trust her son to not eat whatever is in the fridge.

When I heard that I told her this will not work since we would not be a good fit. I eat oatmeal every day for breakfast. Every damn day I put some kind of nuts on my oatmeal and if it is the right season, I sure as hell put some kind of berries on top. This has been my breakfast for years and I don‘t plan on changing that.

I would need to change my whole routine and not eat the foods I actually love the most. Susan blew up on me and still has not let this go, she tries to sour my friends against me. She did have a hard time finding affordable housing as a single mother, since not so many young people want to live with a child anyway.

Obviously this happened months ago and I have another roommate now, but it comes up whenever some of our mutual friends mention my name to her. So reddit, AITA for not wanting to live with a child who is allergic to foods I literally eat every single day/AITA for not wanting to change my diet for a child that is not mine?

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This roommate dispute underscores the clash between personal freedom and accommodating others’ needs. The woman’s refusal to live with a child whose allergies would upend her daily diet was a boundary-setting choice. Dr. Susan Forward, a boundary expert, notes, “Setting limits is not selfish; it’s essential for personal well-being.” Her insight validates the woman’s decision to prioritize her routine over a major lifestyle change for a non-family member.

The single mother’s demand for a nut- and fruit-free home, while driven by her son’s safety, overlooked the woman’s autonomy. Studies show 8% of children have food allergies, often requiring strict household rules, but expecting a stranger to overhaul their diet is a tall order. The mother’s explosive reaction and ongoing campaign against the woman suggest a struggle to accept rejection, a common issue in high-stakes roommate searches.

Forward’s advice applies: clear, respectful communication prevents escalation. The woman’s polite decline was reasonable, but the mother could have sought compromise, like designated food storage. For others facing similar conflicts, discussing needs upfront—perhaps agreeing on separate fridges—can clarify compatibility early. The woman might consider addressing mutual friends calmly to clear the air. This story highlights a broader issue: balancing empathy with personal boundaries in shared living. How do you navigate roommate conflicts when lifestyles clash?

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users jumped in with a mix of sharp support and witty jabs, slicing through the drama with clear takes on boundaries. Here’s what they had to say:

TimeandEntropy - NTA You told her you didn't think it would be a good fit, that's perfectly reasonable. Her reaction makes it seem like it's the best possible choice not be her roommate since that's incredibly over the top for being told 'nope, I don't think we actually could be roommates'.

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It sucks for her if she's having issues finding a place to live, but no, it's not reasonable to ask a potential roommate to completely re-work their diet to accommodate a child you don't have responsibility for in a long term fashion. This isn't for a long weekend or a vacation or something. Yikes.

[Reddit User] - NTA, that's a significant life change for you and it sounds like there was no option for compromise. The fact that anyone would give you a hard time about that is ridiculous imo.

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agarrabrant - NTA. That's insanely rude of her. I understand allergies are a serious issue, but for her to be moving in when you have already been there, have an established routine, and try to change everything is ridiculous.

Calm_Initial - NTA. First this made you unfit to live together. Second - at 6 her child should have been learning he can’t just eat random stuff. If she taught him well he’d know “I can have a snack out of this drawer or bowl or whatever” and stay out of everything else

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Getupxkid - This is typical susan behavior.. Also your english is fantastic!

SensitiveB1tch - NTA. Was gonna be NAH but then Susan blowing up was completely uncalled for. She should understand that most people would not want to change their lives for a child they don’t even know. You had a right to respectfully decline

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[Reddit User] - NTA I run a home daycare and I don’t take on any kids with peanut allergies. My own kids eat loads of peanut butter and I cant 100% guarantee there wont be a nut buttery fingerprint on the underside of a table or wiped on my kids shirt.

It would not be a safe environment for them and I wouldn’t be willing to change my kids routine to accommodate. You didn’t have to change, and it was her choice to either move her kid into a dangerous environment for them or find accommodation elsewhere

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terrapharma - NTA. It's not just her poverty making it hard for her to find a place, it's her unrealistic expectations for others and her zero expectations for her child. You've become her s**pegoat. You dodged a bullet because she probably would have been demanding in other ways such as expecting you to babysit.

rottingpear - What the hell LOL you didn’t even agree to live with her and she’s snapping at you?? NTA big time. Susan needs to find her chill. It’s not your fault her kid has serious allergies.. Edit: typo.

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Consistent-Bag - NTA also if I ever have a kid who’s allergic to peanut butter I’m gonna be in trouble. I literally eat it with a spoon lol.

These Reddit quips are bold, but do they fully unpack the tension between personal choice and empathy?

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This roommate rejection over a child’s allergies stirs up a spicy debate about boundaries and empathy. The woman’s stand to keep her beloved breakfast routine sparked a feud, highlighting the challenge of shared living. How do you balance personal habits with a roommate’s needs? If faced with a major lifestyle change for someone else’s child, would you bend or stand firm? Share your stories—let’s dish on navigating the tricky terrain of roommate compatibility.

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