AITA for not wanting to help my stepmother while my dad is out of state?

In a small town where family ties twist like country roads, a 17-year-old girl found herself at odds with her stepmother’s call for help. Growing up, she’d endured years of her stepmother’s sharp words about her beloved mom, spoken boldly in front of her, as if her loyalty could be swayed. Now, with her dad out of state for work, the stepmother expects her to step up—grocery runs, babysitting, the works—claiming they’re family. But for this teen, those words ring hollow.

Her blunt refusal, laced with years of pent-up hurt, sparked a firestorm. The stepmother’s pleas turned to blame, dragging dad and grandparents into the fray. This Reddit tale dives into a thorny patch of blended family drama, where love for a parent collides with resentment for a stepparent’s overreach. Is saying no a fair boundary, or a bridge too far?

‘AITA for not wanting to help my stepmother while my dad is out of state?’

I (17f) live with my mom. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my dad met his wife when I was 6, married 16 months later. And for a while things were okay and I liked her. But then she started complaining about my mom a lot. Never in private either. I want to make that clear.

I know my mom didn't treat her as an equal co-parent when it came to me but still, she's my mom. Nobody wants to hear that someone hates your mom, that your mom is an awful person, that she would love to remove her from the picture so to quote her 'John and I can be the parents and she has no say'.

That last one she said while I was dragged across the state to visit her family one weekend during my dad's parenting time. I always hated going because more often than not she vented to them about my mom. And I get that others do it.

My dad has probably done it. My mom too. But they keep it from me. And they're my parents. She expected to be elevated to parent in my eyes while insulting the mom I love, who took good care of me and gave me a happy childhood.

Anyway, about three years ago I decided to cut down on the time at my dad's because I hated being around her. My dad was upset but understood. Around the same time they took in three kids from her family who needed a home. Those kids are still under 10 I think.

And after the restrictions lifted in our city my dad started being sent away for work from time to time because the company made some cuts. He left just after Christmas and will be gone until sometime mid March or possibly later.

Ever since he left she asked me to help her out a bit. Shopping, babysitting, etc. I told her no. She got all hurt and told me I should help my family. I told her maybe I couldn't stand her like she couldn't stand my mom. She told me I can't hold her feelings against my mom against her for all these years.

I told her she shouldn't talk s**t about someone's parent in front of them and then expect to be loved and considered equal to their parents when you know the kid has a good relationship with said parent. She said we're still family.

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I told her I tolerate her existence for my dad's sake but I do not consider her my family anymore. She blamed my mom. At which point I told her not to ask me for help. She ended up calling my dad who told me he understood my not wanting to help but asked did I have to say everything I did to her.

I told him she acted like there was no reason for me not to help. Apparently she's still salty about it too. She even told my grandparents what happened. She believes I am totally in the wrong for not helping her.. AITA?

Family feuds can simmer like a slow-cooked stew, and this teen’s clash with her stepmother is a recipe for tension. Her refusal to help stems from years of hearing her mom disparaged, a wound deepened by the stepmother’s expectation of familial duty. The stepmother’s open venting—never private—alienated the teen, who rightly prioritizes loyalty to her mom. Yet, the stepmother’s plea for help, while tone-deaf, reflects the stress of managing young kids alone.

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Blended families are complex. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found 55% of stepchildren report strained stepparent relationships due to loyalty conflicts. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Stepparents must earn trust through respect, not demand it”. The stepmother’s failure to shield the teen from her grievances set this rift in motion.

The teen’s boundary is valid, but a calm talk with her dad could clarify expectations. She might offer limited help, like one errand, to keep peace without compromising her stance.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s posse saddled up with fiery support, cheering the teen’s backbone and roasting the stepmother’s nerve. From calls to hold firm to sympathy for her pain, the comments are a wild ride. Saddle up for their spicy takes:

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Snooberry62 - NTA. She has been verbally abusive by trying to cut you off from your mom by bitching about her. You are strong for sticking to your guns and remaining loyal. Your dad should have stopped her b**lshit short, whether he gets along with your mom or not, for your sake.

dusktildawn9 - NTA. You stood up for yourself and that’s awesome.

froggyhehe - NTA you arent obligated to take care of kids that arent yours, plus shes a terrible person to you and you dont deserve any of that.

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Consistent-Leopard71 - NTA. Your stepmother and now these children she has taken in were your father's choice, not yours, which means that they are also his responsibility, not yours. Instead of trying to build a supportive and respectful relationship with you she chose to try to force you to accept her as a parent while bad mouthing your mother to your face. You don't owe her anything.

paradoxical_advocate - NTA so many of these threads are people making life choices then expecting the whole world to give them hand outs in support of THEIR choices. She sounds like an entitled ****. Good to hear your dad agrees it isnt your problem to step in and help.

Froken_Boring - NTA. You sound very level headed and fair, and I agree that she can dislike your mom all she wants but you do not b**ch about the other parent in front of the kid. It sounds like you are not a person to her but a possession that she wants to control.

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Now she wants to use you to as the maid / babysitter. She's not even trying to claim to miss you and want to spend time with you, she just wants to use you. She sounds very narcissistic.

Vought4Nought - NTA. If she didn't have to filter herself around you then why should you have to filter what you say to her? Also, why should a 17 year old who doesn't live with her be responsible for helping her with her parenting responsibilities?

danielkratos219 - NTA, but info: If your dad is not here you are probably staying with your mom, does she just call you and expect you to come drop groceries or something or what, I have a hard time understanding this.

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madisengreen - NTA I'm so sorry you went through that.

ComfortableZebra2412 - NTA, she bad mouthed your mom for years and now wants you to help with kids that have no relation to you, hell no. She is a terrible person for all she has done. Good for you to stand up to her crap

These Reddit zingers pack a punch, but do they miss the stepmother’s side? Or is the teen’s stand the real showdown?

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This stepfamily standoff shows how old hurts can fuel new battles. The teen’s refusal to help her stepmother isn’t just about errands—it’s a stand for her mom and her own heart. The stepmother’s push for “family” duty ignores years of damage, but the teen’s sharp words may deepen the divide. Their reconciliation hinges on respect and boundaries. Was she wrong to shut the door, or is her loyalty the true north? Share your thoughts—have you faced a stepparent clash? How would you mend this fractured family?

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