AITA for not wanting to help my ‘future cousin in law’ after he tried to have a say in my wedding?

A couple planning a small wedding celebration suddenly found their plans disrupted by an unexpected voice from the extended family. What was meant to be a simple event with a handful of relatives quickly turned into a source of tension when a distant cousin-in-law began criticizing the chosen venue.

The groom-to-be had fallen in love with a lakeside pavilion where the couple planned to host a modest banquet after the ceremony. However, before invitations were even sent, complaints about travel time and traffic started circulating among family members. Several relatives said they would skip the event entirely if the location stayed the same. The situation grew even more awkward when the same relative who sparked the drama later contacted the groom asking for professional help building a website for his business.

‘AITA for not wanting to help my ‘future cousin in law’ after he tried to have a say in my wedding?’

The groom explains how their small wedding plan slowly grew into something larger.

I'm getting married this summer. At first we wanted just to have a ceremony in a pretty place without anyone, then 2 of our moms were added, then another 12...

Then we decided to have a small banquet somewhere to celebrate. I found a beautiful place where you can rent a lakeside pavilion with staff and food. I really fell...

Things changed when a relative voiced objections through the family.

But then in a few days my girlfriend gets a call from her mom who said: 'hey, Steve came by (this cousin-in-law in question) and he said you should change...

My fiancee loves her family and hates disappointing people (aka a pushover) so she said ok. After she told me what's happened I said he had no f__king right making...

We told and showed pictures to moms and apparently my gf's mom told Steve who was opposed to that place.

Well after we told gf's mom that we're appalled at Steve's behavior (when you're invited - if something doesn't suit you just don't come) it started a chain reaction among...

Soon the situation escalated, and several relatives declined the location entirely.

ADVERTISEMENT

He started pushing narrative that he is not afraid of a traffic jam himself but was worried about his father in law (who's almost 80), father in law's wife had...

So 6 people out of potentially invited 12 already said they weren't coming to that place I want. All that without any official invitations yet! We're very stressed and surprised.

We started planning the easiest least offensive wedding possible and some dude is afraid of a possible 1.5 hours drive back home. But that's not all.

ADVERTISEMENT

A few days ago he called my fiancee asking if she knew someone who could create a website for his company. He knows that's my profession.

Then the same relative reached out asking for professional help.

She gave me the phone and the first thing he cheerfully said 'hey future relative!', I got some details and told him I'd think about it. I told my SO...

ADVERTISEMENT

he didn't bother to call us to explain his point of view on our banquet location and instead started spreading god knows what behind our backs among older relatives who...

He might as well have told them it was a 10 hour ride to make them call and preventively decline the invitation (again, through my so's mom). But when it...

I told my fiancee he's a twat and I'm not going to help him, but she's upset because she wants everyone to be super friendly to each other... AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

TL:DR distant relative of my fiancee is asking my future MIL to ask us to change venue instead of talking to us directly (even though I think guests have no...

Wedding planning often amplifies underlying family dynamics, especially when multiple relatives feel invested in the decisions. Even small ceremonies can become complicated when extended family members begin offering opinions about venues, travel logistics, or guest lists. In many cases, those suggestions come from genuine concern, but they can easily feel intrusive to the couple organizing the event.

Conflicts like this also highlight the importance of communication between partners. When one person tends to avoid confrontation while the other prefers clear boundaries, disagreements with family members can grow larger than expected. Addressing concerns directly with relatives early in the planning process may help prevent misunderstandings from spreading through the family network.

ADVERTISEMENT

Another layer of tension appears when professional favors are requested in the middle of personal conflict. Mixing family relationships with business requests can complicate already strained interactions. Many experts recommend separating professional work from family expectations unless clear agreements are made in advance, particularly when trust between the parties is already fragile.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Many commenters supported the groom and argued that wedding decisions belong to the couple.

MrNooms − NTA and don’t change your banquet location for one.

ADVERTISEMENT

KaoJin-Wo − NTA. Guy is a d__che. You plan your wedding for you and wife. Y’all two are the ones getting married. Not anyone else. If they come, fine. If...

I would make sure no matter what my plans are, d__che does NOT get an invite. And no. Don’t help him - unless you’re gonna overcharge him lol.

dusktildawn9 − NTA Keep the toxic relatives at a distance. Being family doesn’t mean anything.

ADVERTISEMENT

RollingKatamari − NTA-I think you should just have the intimate wedding with both moms like you originally planned. Any party with more family members and friends can be hekd post-covid.

If someone asks you why you changed your plans, just say COVID. Also, do not mix business with family, that is a huge no.

Especially knowing this guy has already caused so much of a fuss over a ride home, you just know there's going to be more drama.

ADVERTISEMENT

rainbowfyres − NTA, you all should be able to have your wedding where you want. The traffic issue should have been stated as a concern so you had it in...

I will also mention though, it sounds like no matter what you do with the website you're going to get s__t for it. If you help there's a good chance...

Personally, I'd respectfully decline and state that there's no way I can get that done by a decent deadline with the wedding and all this work, especially having to find...

ADVERTISEMENT

Others believed the real issue might be communication between the couple themselves.

[Reddit User] − NTA But I’d be concerned that your future wife puts everyone else’s opinions before decisions you’ve made as a couple. I know she means well, but hopefully...

Leavix − You are NTA but I also really don't understand the tension here. It seems like your fiancee is extremely conflict averse, to the extent that she doesn't even...

ADVERTISEMENT

I feel like the conflict is even bigger now by lack of communication of her part. Solve this rather sooner than later, don't wait for the invitations to be send....

ChewMyFudge − NTA. But your wife needs to grow a spine. Not going to lie, you blindsided yourself cause you knew in advance the hill you were joining is the...

Instead of taking things super personally, you need to properly communicate with your future wife.

ADVERTISEMENT

Clearly you don't and never learned to do so because she makes promises to her family behind your back. And then you get a surprised reaction as if you didn't...

You and your future wife's relationship is just unstable when it comes to how you let her put you two in a bad situation, only for you to act oblivious...

ADVERTISEMENT

A few commenters added lighter suggestions or humorous takes on the situation.

MariKJa − NTA - I would tell your fiancé not to talk to much about your wedding. You don’t want to know what you have to change for her family.

I would stick with the old location and if her family don’t want to attend because of maybe being stuck in traffic on the way back home you know him...

ADVERTISEMENT

If someone asks you always can say that ~~you don’t appreciate people who don’t know their place and~~ he didn’t want to be stuck in traffic. Also why waste an...

I also think you should speak with your SO about boundaries and that you can’t make everyone happy at the same time. It’s your wedding your choices matter. Don’t marry...

Also decline helping him. Send a note that you aren’t interested. You don’t need to explain yourself Edit: thank you for reaching out about my wording

ADVERTISEMENT

Anxious_Asshole_ − Info: Why does your fiancee care more about keeping her family happy than she does about you?

When her mother told her that place didn't work she immediate said she'd change it without consulting you. I think the biggest a__hole here is your future wife

Wedding planning often reveals deeper patterns within families and relationships. In this case, a relatively small disagreement about travel time quickly escalated into a wider family debate about the venue, leaving the couple feeling pressured before invitations were even sent.

ADVERTISEMENT

The situation also raises questions about boundaries. Should relatives have input on wedding logistics if they believe certain arrangements might be inconvenient? And when family conflict already exists, is it reasonable to decline professional favors from the same people involved in the drama?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *